Do girls really look for confidence?

[theraab]

Muse - Don't get too down on yourself (I know that's easy for other people to say), but keep in mind that confidence doesn't just have to be a matter of being confident about talking to women (though that does help) - but confidence in some other thing can be attractive too. When I was in college, I was pretty invisible to women (I'm average looking, not particularly well built), and was a little bit quiet - when I got into my major classes (philosophy), I excelled at it and was outspoken in class about the topics - suddenly I had women in my classes interested in me. Nothing had changed from two years before (I was no better at talking to women), except that I had confidence in what I was doing, and it showed.
I looked up your picture in that post your picture thread, and you're not a bad looking guy - it might help to try to show off whatever you're good at a little more and worry less about the confidence to directly approach women.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Muse - Don't get too down on yourself (I know that's easy for other people to say), but keep in mind that confidence doesn't just have to be a matter of being confident about talking to women (though that does help) - but confidence in some other thing can be attractive too.

This is so true.

 

[BloomManifesto]

Woman want a guy who has his life together, but they don't want to hear about how together your life is. Confidence is just one part of this and you can pretend to have more than you do, it'll come later.

When you meet a new girl, ask about them. Don't spend time telling her about how great you are. Let her talk about herself, ask her questions about herself. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, men & women alike.

Don't worry you'll get your chance, but first let her tell you about herself. All you have to do is maintain your end of the conversation and have a suave smile of your face. Ask a few questions talk about yourself, but let her lead the conversation.

One last thing, confident guys don't show their confidence by telling everyone how confident and great they are. That's what pretenders do.

The guys with real confidence keep it quiet and behave like they know everything's going to turn out fine for them, even if it seems bad.

When you're on a date with a girl, be interested in her and what she says, but don't act like your going to fall apart if you don't see her again. It's a rookie mistake to ask for a second date while the first date's still happening.

Bloom

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Women care about looks first and foremost. Then, the confidence comes in.

 

[The Good Citizen]

It's just a means to an end, if you are able to look someone in the eye, smile laugh naturally and just be yourself, of course that's going to give you a better chance of making a good impression than uming and ahing, shuffling about, looking flustered and not knowing whet to say. I think what most people want is someone who has got themselves together and without wanting to be vague has something about them. There's not a tick list, just create a nice impression and let them draw their own conclusion that you're some one worth being attracted to, don't try and force it down their throat! Manage a pleasant normal conversation with someone and you're halfway there, dont go over the top and try to impress, over confidence or arrogance is just as much a turn off and a little humility is no bad thing.

Confidence in yourself is just a good quality for life in general not just for your love live. If there was one quality I could convey to my boys it would be that, it just makes life easier if you believe in yourself.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Women care about looks first and foremost. Then, the confidence comes in.

(hmm) Would you say the same is true about men?

 

[theraab]

Women care about looks first and foremost. Then, the confidence comes in.

(hmm) Would you say the same is true about men?

No, for men, it doesn't matter when the confidence comes in.

In all seriousness, though, I think an average looking guy with confidence has a much better chance of getting women than a good looking guy without confidence.

 

[putter65]

It's just a means to an end, if you are able to look someone in the eye, smile laugh naturally and just be yourself, of course that's going to give you a better chance of making a good impression than uming and ahing, shuffling about, looking flustered and not knowing whet to say. I think what most people want is someone who has got themselves together and without wanting to be vague has something about them. There's not a tick list, just create a nice impression and let them draw their own conclusion that you're some one worth being attracted to, don't try and force it down their throat! Manage a pleasant normal conversation with someone and you're halfway there, dont go over the top and try to impress, over confidence or arrogance is just as much a turn off and a little humility is no bad thing.

Confidence in yourself is just a good quality for life in general not just for your love live. If there was one quality I could convey to my boys it would be that, it just makes life easier if you believe in yourself.

I can't force myself to mix with people and go where women are. Apart from work I talk to basically nobody. No contact with people at all. Everywhere I go, it's by myself, cinema etc or looking around the shops. I never use my 'work personality' out of work.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Women care about looks first and foremost. Then, the confidence comes in.

(hmm) Would you say the same is true about men?

No, for men, it doesn't matter when the confidence comes in.

In all seriousness, though, I think an average looking guy with confidence has a much better chance of getting women than a good looking guy without confidence.

Oh. I was actually asking Dilbert if he felt that looks are first and foremost for both sexes.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I can't force myself to mix with people and go where women are. Apart from work I talk to basically nobody. No contact with people at all. Everywhere I go, it's by myself, cinema etc or looking around the shops. I never use my 'work personality' out of work.

I can see how that's frustrating, especially when you feel you could talk to members of the opposite sex if you had the opportunity. A good social life is the best means to a love life I think. You play golf if I remember, good way to get to know people, socialise in the clubhouse? Look for opportunities to socialise with new groups of people. I don't know I've always had a small group of friends and made friends at work, I try to combine the two. People meet people through other people and the circle grows, it does take time though.

Online, dating websites etc, I would also be open to companionship, building real life friendships. Lonely people should double up, doesn't always have to be a relationship or nothing. A good friendship with a woman can be the means to meeting a partner. A very good friend of mine, female got to know a guy a bit older. She wasn't interested, he was. He accepted it though as they enjoyed each others company as friends. Now he has met a lot of her friends and last I heard had got together with one of her female friends. I think taking the time to build friendships pays its rewards in the long run. But I know it's hard!

 

[Trent]

people look for confidence.

people.

confidence is a lot of things.

but most importantly, confidence IS the absence of nervous energy.

nervous energy makes everyone uncomfortable.

men and women alike.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Women care about looks first and foremost. Then, the confidence comes in.

(hmm) Would you say the same is true about men?

To an extent, absolutely.

 

[putter65]

Women care about looks first and foremost. Then, the confidence comes in.

(hmm) Would you say the same is true about men?

yes, women and men are the same. It's attraction thru looks and personality that get you interested.

---

I can't force myself to mix with people and go where women are. Apart from work I talk to basically nobody. No contact with people at all. Everywhere I go, it's by myself, cinema etc or looking around the shops. I never use my 'work personality' out of work.

I can see how that's frustrating, especially when you feel you could talk to members of the opposite sex if you had the opportunity. A good social life is the best means to a love life I think. You play golf if I remember, good way to get to know people, socialise in the clubhouse? Look for opportunities to socialise with new groups of people. I don't know I've always had a small group of friends and made friends at work, I try to combine the two. People meet people through other people and the circle grows, it does take time though.

Online, dating websites etc, I would also be open to companionship, building real life friendships. Lonely people should double up, doesn't always have to be a relationship or nothing. A good friendship with a woman can be the means to meeting a partner. A very good friend of mine, female got to know a guy a bit older. She wasn't interested, he was. He accepted it though as they enjoyed each others company as friends. Now he has met a lot of her friends and last I heard had got together with one of her female friends. I think taking the time to build friendships pays its rewards in the long run. But I know it's hard!

At work I am just this funny, clever, slighty cocky guy. I chat to everybody, I find it easy. I enjoy it. I flirt like crazy sometimes. This woman who comes in; I fancy her like hell and this morning she came in and gave me this little wave. I must be on her radar for her to do that and we had this really nice chat about her holidays.

But I couldn't go into a pub and do that. I sometimes think when I am at work I have a uniform on so I get noticed. In a pub (or anywhere else) it will be harder for me. There are plenty of singles nights but I can't drag myself there. I enquired about a collage course last week but it had been cancelled.

Regarding the golf, I don't go in the clubhouse much because I hate the place, full of stuffy old men who don't like me. I got called a 'cunt' once because I won the yearly cup.

I have had a few friends over the years but they have drifted away. Which is sad but it happens.