Do you consider this to be sexist?

[Cavey]

Recently, I've been reading about a UK barrister named Charlotte Proudman who appears to have stirred a hornet's nest by publicly accusing a senior solicitor of sexism and misogynism.

Apparently, the solicitor, commented on the profile photo that she had used on LinkedIn and said that it was "a stunning picture" and "one of the best I have seen on this site". She then went on to out him on the Internet for his apparent sexist and misogynistic behaviour. Now, it's all over the newspapers and I'm slightly puzzled. It just sounds like a throwaway compliment to me and in no way misogynistic.

You can read about it in more depth Here and Here

I wanted to see what the opinion of other people is. Is this genuinely a sexist remark? Is complimenting a photograph always considered sexist or is it because it was on LinkedIn which is a site whose primary purpose is to connect people in the same profession?

If it is sexist, did this woman overreact by taking it into the public arena rather than simply approaching the man himself and letting him know that the comment was unappreciated?

I've read many of her comments and she's compared LinkedIn to Tinder, accused men of using it solely as a dating tool, said that this would never happen to a man and keeps mentioning that he is twice her age - so would this somehow be less 'offensive' if he was the same age? I thought the problem was sexism?! I'm confused, either way.

I can understand that she did not appreciate the comment - however innocuous it appears to me - but I feel that she has massively overreacted and it could all have been handled so much better. Thoughts?

 

[Aisha]

I don't think it was the compliment that was the problem. If you see the image attached to her tweet, he contacted her because he implied he wanted to work with her after seeing her picture. It was on LinkedIn. Not really the right time or place for compliments on physical appearance. He didn't mention a word about her skills or her professional achievements. Just her looks. Complimenting a photograph isn't sexist, implying you want to work with a woman only because she is physically appealing to you might be.

And yes, she overreacted, but she only posted the picture of the email on twitter and the newspapers are all over it now only because of the extreme negative feedback she's been getting, and she has to justify it now. The whole thing's just snowballed. She'll be getting harassed for it constantly now. Not the sort of thing to share in a public arena like twitter.

From just reading your post I'd already decided she was an idiot for reacting so aggressively to a compliment. But on reading those articles.. she still might be, but I can see her point too. I'd be worried for her though. I agree she did overreact by taking it public. No matter how indignant you feel, certain things are best not publicized.

 

[Sci-Fi]

People really need to look up words before they start tossing them around. Who knows, maybe he was hitting her up to date her, but his comment was a compliment, not misogynistic, that word gets misused so much anymore. She jumped to conclusions and overreacted. What ever happened to the days when you could compliment someone without it meaning more or people making it to be more than just a compliment. She could have just thanked him and then kept the subject on work, if he continued his remarks about her appearance then she could have made her assumptions and accusations.

 

[Aisha]

...not misogynistic, that word gets misused so much

This. Yep.

 

[kamya]

But how else can you play victim without using your impressive vocabulary of -isms?

 

[user 115627]

No, not at all. It was just a compliment and while his reply wasn't exactly the epitome of professionalism, he just said something what he deemed nice and wanted to get in touch to work with her. Isn't that what she wanted since she initiated the conversation? Like Sci-Fi said, all she had to do was to thank him and see if he acts strangely in the follow-up conversation. Or she could've said she'd prefer to talk about her professional skills. So many solutions. Instead she goes completely haywire. Her attempt to publicly shame him was not justified in any way...and I don't understand why people keep thinking this behavior wouldn't backfire massively most of the time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

But how else can you play victim without using your impressive vocabulary of -isms?

But of course, by misusing them!

Some people. :club:

 

[Aisha]

But how else can you play victim without using your impressive vocabulary of -isms?

Why hel-lo, you sexism misogynism. Do you want to playism victimism?

 

[Tealeaf]

It's not sexist, but it is inappropriate if you read the articles. What's behind these compliments is an attempt to open to something romantic or sexual, which is innocent enough at a coffee shop. Not if a man is using professionalism as a guise for something else. A woman's professional presence is legitimate and not a tool for men to get a foot in the door with her sexually or romantically.

It's like the people who only want to "be friends" or play video games with you if you're a woman because maybe you'll date them (unless you won't, at which point you're worthless and discarded like trash), except in the workplace. A woman's worth or belonging should never be about what she can or will provide to a man as a woman, especially on the mass scale that some of us are getting.

 

[SofiasMami]

Lol at the Daily Mail article with "feminazi" in the title, although the Daily Mail has a reputation for writing such stuff.
Anyway, the full message he sent was "‘Charlotte, delighted to connect, I appreciate that this is probably horrendously politically incorrect but that is a stunning picture!!!"
What the hell was his point and what type of reaction was he expecting? "Oh yes, thank you sir, now let's go to bed xxoo !"
This was a dirty old man sending a message to a 27 year old woman on a professional website - did he think he was on the dating app Tinder? I don't know if it was sexist but it was inappropriate. If he wants to hit on women, he needs to keep it to singles bars and dating websites. The backlash against the woman who received this type of message apropos of nothing and then told him so is interesting.

-Teresa

 

[user 115627]

For the sake of completeness, the full message was:

"Charlotte, delighted to connect, I appreciate that this is probably horrendously politically incorrect but that is a stunning picture !!!

You definitely win the prize for the best Linked in picture I have ever seen

Always interest to understant people's skills and how we might work together"

 

[VanillaCreme]

Lol at the Daily Mail article with "feminazi" in the title, although the Daily Mail has a reputation for writing such stuff.
Anyway, the full message he sent was "‘Charlotte, delighted to connect, I appreciate that this is probably horrendously politically incorrect but that is a stunning picture!!!"
What the hell was his point and what type of reaction was he expecting? "Oh yes, thank you sir, now let's go to bed xxoo !"
This was a dirty old man sending a message to a 27 year old woman on a professional website - did he think he was on the dating app Tinder? I don't know if it was sexist but it was inappropriate. If he wants to hit on women, he needs to keep it to singles bars and dating websites. The backlash against the woman who received this type of message apropos of nothing and then told him so is interesting.

-Teresa

So giving a compliments automatically means someone wants to get a person into bed? I don't think so. It wasn't that inappropriate. This political correctness bullshit has gone too far if someone gets offended or thinks more of a simple compliment. Whatever happened to just being nice and giving a compliment for the hell of it? Or for the fact that you really just thought something nice of someone? That wasn't him hitting on a lady. It was a compliment.

 

[ardour]

He could have been genuinely interested in her professional capabilities, using the compliment about the photo as an ice-breaker.

Or he could be a sleaze only interested in "working" with beautiful women.

Still, it was an overreaction and nasty of her to do that to someone.

 

[Cavey]

Thanks for the input everyone. I personally feel that although it was clumsy and poorly timed, the original message that he posted wasn't offensive and it didn't warrant her outing him in public. Having said that, I don't wish to see her attacked by either the press or the general public for doing so.

I noticed that a couple of people here also mentioned the age difference. Is that even something to worry about when the woman involved is 27 years old? They're both adults, so I cannot see the issue. Also, is it only offensive because he's twice her age or would it suddenly be less offensive if he was an attractive 20-something?

 

[Tealeaf]

He could have been genuinely interested in her professional capabilities, using the compliment about the photo as an ice-breaker.

Or he could be a sleaze only interested in "working" with beautiful women.

Still, it was an overreaction and nasty of her to do that to someone.

Agreed, but I'm sticking to the topic of the message itself. As someone who talks to a lot of people online, guys included, a compliment is not just a compliment when it's out of the blue and very enthusiastic like that. The whole point of it seeming innocent is to get in your good graces while not tipping you off to what they're really trying to develop. Continuing to talk has proven this true every single time in my experience, and probably hers.

But the best way is to quietly cut contact if you're getting that kind of vibe.

 

[VanillaCreme]

. . . a compliment is not just a compliment when it's out of the blue and very enthusiastic like that.

A compliment can't be random?

 

[Aisha]

Hey Tealeaf, very cute avatar!!

You definitely win the prize for the best ALL avatar I have ever seen

 

[Tealeaf]

. . . a compliment is not just a compliment when it's out of the blue and very enthusiastic like that.

A compliment can't be random?

It can be, but in that context it never is.

Anyone who believes such a compliment is just about the compliment, well, I know a Nigerian prince who could really use your help transferring large sums of money. After all, he's not saying it's a scam, so why would you go ahead and assume it's a scam?

 

[VanillaCreme]

. . . a compliment is not just a compliment when it's out of the blue and very enthusiastic like that.

A compliment can't be random?

It can be, but in that context it never is.

Anyone who believes such a compliment is just about the compliment, well, I know a Nigerian prince who could really use your help transferring large sums of money. After all, he's not saying it's a scam, so why would you go ahead and assume it's a scam?

In any context, I've never compared a compliment to a scam. But I get what you're saying.

 

[LonesomeDay]

I hadn't heard about this case before today, and having read up on it, I believe Charlotte initiated the first contact with him, and received a compliment in reply as regards her photo.

I see nothing discriminatory with that. Indeed, as a woman of a certain age I would feel flattered if it happened to me - professional context or not. Actually, I uploaded a selfie to my Twitter feed recently and someone told me that I was beautiful. I was really taken aback, blushed even. But no offence taken. I felt it was such a nice thing to be told, and an uncommon thing too.

If I didn't want any personal remarks I would not upload a photo (or just a plain one), nothing glamourous or professionally shot. If you put yourself out there (in social media land), I believe you must learn to accept a compliment - and gracefully too.

There will be times when you have to refuse an advance, but not all compliments are advances. You can't tell at first, and it's wrong to assume such a thing without further evidence.