jales
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2007
- Messages
- 1,178
- Reaction score
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Here are a few common problems that lead to
"BORING DATE-ITIS" where men aren't inspired and
craving a second date to get to know you better:
Problem #1) Playing it "safe" and trying
consciously to get a man to like you. This
includes following his lead all the time, not
saying anything about how you think or feel that
you think will upset him, and making sure that
you're "polite" and never say anything that could
be too controversial.
Problem #2) Acting "formal." This is death when it
comes to interest and attraction. A man either
feels like he's on a job interview and doesn't
become EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED with you... or he's
plain BORED with you and will have a hard time
finding anything about WHO YOU ARE that is
personally interesting.
A man doesn't fall for a "good" woman, and
doesn't want to be with her because she's good.
A man falls for a woman who makes HIM FEEL
GOOD, and who is exciting and fun to be around -
even if she is a little "bad."
Problem #3) Being BORING. And talking about BORING
things. At the top of the list are of course the
things that women talk about and go to as a kind
of "default" when they're wondering what to say -
jobs, family, weather, etc. Everything that makes
up "what people talk about to get to know each
other."
These things don't really help us get to know
one another. Sure, they're nice... but they don't
cost much for us to reveal, and we'd tell any
stranger about these things if they asked in a
nice way.
But more importantly, they don't create any
kind of EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE or CONNECTION when
you talk about them.
In fact, they put a man back into the mundane
aspects of his everyday life... and he'll bring
those feelings to the table with him when you
talk about all these things.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, there's also my personal favorite approach
women take on "unknowingly."
I call it the "volunteer therapist" approach.
It's when a woman starts digging for the things
that a man is having a hard time about in his
life, in hopes of connecting to him about
something important in his life.
And when they find this thing inside a man,
they use it to become his VOLUNTEER THERAPIST.
As though if they can make things better for
a man, he'll magically transfer the understanding
he feels into UNDYING LOVE.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When you meet a man for coffee, for dinner, or
just to get to know one another, it's time to have
FUN.
It's not time to try and kiss up to him, or
to be his therapist, or to massage his ego and
tell him all the things he might want to hear.
That's what he has a mother for.
Playing it safe and kissing up to a man, or
showing him that you nervously hope that he is
going to like you and give you his approval is a
sure way to get either a man who will take things
to a physical level just because the opportunity
is there... or a man who won't call you back
because he's not interested for real.
ACTING "FORMAL"
Don't talk about your job and your family
for starters!
BORING!
There is plenty of time to talk about all
this stuff and get into these things once you
and a man are both EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED not just
as two people, but as two people who are
ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED in each other.
The romantic interest stuff (that spark) needs
to be there and come together first on a date
with a man before you get into all the predictable
yadda yadda yadda stuff.
Women who are trying to convince men that
they're "nice" or good people talk about their
families and how good they are at their jobs.
Or how they have their act together.
Let me give you a hint:
Do you know what a "boring" and not so
interesting woman acts like on a date with a man?
Well, for starters she acts like he's NOT
COMFORTABLE in the situation...
She talks too much about things she thinks
will make her look good.
She apologizes for the smallest little thing of
no consequence like not being ready to order yet
when the waiter comes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Tip #1. Talk about things you are passionate
about. And no, I'm not talking about the 7 cats
you have at home and how cute they are. Talk
about something you like to do that has a PURPOSE.
A man can and will relate to this... and he'll
start to see things in you he couldn't see before.
A good example of this is a woman I know who
loves to practice yoga. When she describes what
it is about yoga that fills her inside and makes
her feel great physically, emotionally, and
spiritually - you can't help but be drawn in.
Tip #2. Talk about something that isn't BORING,
and instead a little out of the ordinary. One
great thing to do is to get a man to talk about
his life, then find things to make observations
about that either let him know you "get him" and
what he's about (why he does what he does)... or
find little things to tease him about.
This is a great opportunity for building the
kind of attraction that will carry into the
future.
Men love joking and teasing. It's their
universal way of bonding. And when a woman is
laid-back and comfortable and playful enough to
not be completely serious and sincere 100% of the
time, it's refreshing and fun for a man.
For example, if a man seems very hard-working
and serious... you might make a flirty sarcastic
joke like this:
YOU: "Well, it's too bad you're such a flaky
slacker. I was looking for a man of substance.
But I guess you're still decent company."
And you say all this with a warm and playful
smile on your face to let him know you're playing
around.
He'll know you're joking, and want to engage
in the playful behavior with you.
HIM: "Well, that's too bad because I was going
to ask if you could start supporting me so I could
stop working all together and just sit at home and
watch TV all day."
YOU: "Mmmm... what a turn-on a man like that
would be for me."
You get the idea...
The magic here is if you can be SAYING ONE
THING... but subtly MEANING ANOTHER THING.
Men find this riveting and won't want the fun
and flirtation to stop.
Tip #3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be
uncomfortable. I think that it's great to stop
talking when you're first getting to know a man
and enjoy a few silences where you're either just
having eye contact... or you're simply in each
other's company but not "filling the space" with
idle chatter 100% of the time.
If the conversation goes cold for a few
moments, just pay attention to something else for
a minute and don't be afraid to engage in the
environment around you.
This includes talking and paying attention to
other people in a fun and open way, or making
funny or silly observations of what's going on
around you.
Strangely enough, a man will want your
attention more, and want to give you more
attention, if you engage with other people around
you more often.
Tip #4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. The more predictable
you are, the faster you will be considered BORING.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
they tell you to be secure and not a guy-pleaser...but then turn around and say you have to be witty and all that crap...what if I'm not witty! I'f i take his advice i'm going to end up trying to please the guy in any case..just not in my own way..
but then maybe he's right and i wouldnt be so bad at relationships if i took his advice.
Still this stuff pisses me off! Lol!
"BORING DATE-ITIS" where men aren't inspired and
craving a second date to get to know you better:
Problem #1) Playing it "safe" and trying
consciously to get a man to like you. This
includes following his lead all the time, not
saying anything about how you think or feel that
you think will upset him, and making sure that
you're "polite" and never say anything that could
be too controversial.
Problem #2) Acting "formal." This is death when it
comes to interest and attraction. A man either
feels like he's on a job interview and doesn't
become EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED with you... or he's
plain BORED with you and will have a hard time
finding anything about WHO YOU ARE that is
personally interesting.
A man doesn't fall for a "good" woman, and
doesn't want to be with her because she's good.
A man falls for a woman who makes HIM FEEL
GOOD, and who is exciting and fun to be around -
even if she is a little "bad."
Problem #3) Being BORING. And talking about BORING
things. At the top of the list are of course the
things that women talk about and go to as a kind
of "default" when they're wondering what to say -
jobs, family, weather, etc. Everything that makes
up "what people talk about to get to know each
other."
These things don't really help us get to know
one another. Sure, they're nice... but they don't
cost much for us to reveal, and we'd tell any
stranger about these things if they asked in a
nice way.
But more importantly, they don't create any
kind of EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE or CONNECTION when
you talk about them.
In fact, they put a man back into the mundane
aspects of his everyday life... and he'll bring
those feelings to the table with him when you
talk about all these things.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, there's also my personal favorite approach
women take on "unknowingly."
I call it the "volunteer therapist" approach.
It's when a woman starts digging for the things
that a man is having a hard time about in his
life, in hopes of connecting to him about
something important in his life.
And when they find this thing inside a man,
they use it to become his VOLUNTEER THERAPIST.
As though if they can make things better for
a man, he'll magically transfer the understanding
he feels into UNDYING LOVE.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When you meet a man for coffee, for dinner, or
just to get to know one another, it's time to have
FUN.
It's not time to try and kiss up to him, or
to be his therapist, or to massage his ego and
tell him all the things he might want to hear.
That's what he has a mother for.
Playing it safe and kissing up to a man, or
showing him that you nervously hope that he is
going to like you and give you his approval is a
sure way to get either a man who will take things
to a physical level just because the opportunity
is there... or a man who won't call you back
because he's not interested for real.
ACTING "FORMAL"
Don't talk about your job and your family
for starters!
BORING!
There is plenty of time to talk about all
this stuff and get into these things once you
and a man are both EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED not just
as two people, but as two people who are
ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED in each other.
The romantic interest stuff (that spark) needs
to be there and come together first on a date
with a man before you get into all the predictable
yadda yadda yadda stuff.
Women who are trying to convince men that
they're "nice" or good people talk about their
families and how good they are at their jobs.
Or how they have their act together.
Let me give you a hint:
Do you know what a "boring" and not so
interesting woman acts like on a date with a man?
Well, for starters she acts like he's NOT
COMFORTABLE in the situation...
She talks too much about things she thinks
will make her look good.
She apologizes for the smallest little thing of
no consequence like not being ready to order yet
when the waiter comes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Tip #1. Talk about things you are passionate
about. And no, I'm not talking about the 7 cats
you have at home and how cute they are. Talk
about something you like to do that has a PURPOSE.
A man can and will relate to this... and he'll
start to see things in you he couldn't see before.
A good example of this is a woman I know who
loves to practice yoga. When she describes what
it is about yoga that fills her inside and makes
her feel great physically, emotionally, and
spiritually - you can't help but be drawn in.
Tip #2. Talk about something that isn't BORING,
and instead a little out of the ordinary. One
great thing to do is to get a man to talk about
his life, then find things to make observations
about that either let him know you "get him" and
what he's about (why he does what he does)... or
find little things to tease him about.
This is a great opportunity for building the
kind of attraction that will carry into the
future.
Men love joking and teasing. It's their
universal way of bonding. And when a woman is
laid-back and comfortable and playful enough to
not be completely serious and sincere 100% of the
time, it's refreshing and fun for a man.
For example, if a man seems very hard-working
and serious... you might make a flirty sarcastic
joke like this:
YOU: "Well, it's too bad you're such a flaky
slacker. I was looking for a man of substance.
But I guess you're still decent company."
And you say all this with a warm and playful
smile on your face to let him know you're playing
around.
He'll know you're joking, and want to engage
in the playful behavior with you.
HIM: "Well, that's too bad because I was going
to ask if you could start supporting me so I could
stop working all together and just sit at home and
watch TV all day."
YOU: "Mmmm... what a turn-on a man like that
would be for me."
You get the idea...
The magic here is if you can be SAYING ONE
THING... but subtly MEANING ANOTHER THING.
Men find this riveting and won't want the fun
and flirtation to stop.
Tip #3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be
uncomfortable. I think that it's great to stop
talking when you're first getting to know a man
and enjoy a few silences where you're either just
having eye contact... or you're simply in each
other's company but not "filling the space" with
idle chatter 100% of the time.
If the conversation goes cold for a few
moments, just pay attention to something else for
a minute and don't be afraid to engage in the
environment around you.
This includes talking and paying attention to
other people in a fun and open way, or making
funny or silly observations of what's going on
around you.
Strangely enough, a man will want your
attention more, and want to give you more
attention, if you engage with other people around
you more often.
Tip #4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. The more predictable
you are, the faster you will be considered BORING.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
they tell you to be secure and not a guy-pleaser...but then turn around and say you have to be witty and all that crap...what if I'm not witty! I'f i take his advice i'm going to end up trying to please the guy in any case..just not in my own way..
but then maybe he's right and i wouldnt be so bad at relationships if i took his advice.
Still this stuff pisses me off! Lol!
), but on a general basis, I think it's wrong to try and change oneself just to make other people like you. I mean, it's not that one shouldn't make an effort, but everyone in his/her own way. Sure, people like being flirted with, but if you don't have if in you to do it in your own way, why bother? Everyone got something, y'know. Besides, some guys (I'm one) prefer the more quiet girls ^^
