Does long distance really have the potential to work?

[lolagemma]

Okay so, I've talked about a few things on here that are kinda serious, but not stuff that's really, really personal. I feel like I need to tell someone, or just have someone else's perspective on a certain situation I'm in right now or something like that.

So I joined this forum like what, a month and a half ago? I spoken to various people met a few friends and stuff, but one person in particular has really stood out to me. I met him talking about whether this other dude I had been seeing was using me or not, about the way he acts and blahblah. I'll just refer to him as J as I'm not gonna mention names etc. We started using skype to speak to each other as we can't really text or anything, he lives in America and I live in England, so yeah it's kinda difficult with the time difference but we manage.

It's quite a difficult and weird situation actually because it's like, every night since we met we've talked, we've done video chats and just talked till I fall asleep. (because of the time difference it's quite late for me). But basically, we've grown to know each other alot, we talk about personal things often, and he's helped me through alot I must admit. The whole reason we first started talking, about this other guy who I liked and I got upset over, J has totally got rid of that hurt feeling. It's like, I knew I had to get over that guy I was seeing and I thought it was going to be hard, but since J has come on the scene, and we've been talking, it's like, all feelings for the other guy have gone, completely, and I've realised I didn't really like him that much after all?
J has made a huge impact on me, whether that's actually good or not I don't know but all I know is, this is gonna sound kinda freaky, but it's almost like I crave seeing and speaking to him. I think about him alot during the day, and I do mean alot. Everything I do it's like, he's always there in my mind, thinking about what it would be like to meet him, and see him face-to-face, wondering what he thinks about me, whether he's thinking about me aswel all that kinda stuff. + I've told him and he's told me the same, the way he thinks about me, and how much he cares about me. But it's a weird situation because I've always thought of long distance relationships as quite strange, and thinking you know, how can you love someone that you haven't met before? or how do you know you really care for someone that much without meeting them? But I suppose I'm one of those people that has to see and feel to believe certain things.
I can't describe how I feel about him it's quite strange, but a good strange? Like, when I think about him, I just find myself smiling, half the time not even realising, and my stomach gets butterflies like you wouldn't believe. I have had quite a few dreams about him aswel, which I suppose would happen considering I think about him alot.

The other night he went out with his friends and came back, slightly tipsey, and he made a video, just talking about his feelings at that moment which is what he likes to do to get things off his chest etc. He sent me the video, which he didn't really have any intention of showing me, but said he wanted me to see it. All I'll say is, my stomach was on overdrive, he was talking about his feelings for me, and exactly what I've put here really, about how it's a strange situation and it's not really something you expect to happen after little over a month of knowing someone, and them being in another fecking country. But the things he was saying about me, and talking about how much he cared just sent shivers, and I ended up getting into a mess, I started crying, was abit of both happy and sad really, just hearing him say that about me was unbelieveable, and also just knowing how lonely I had felt in the past, and not hearing anyone to ever say things like that about me made me cry aswel. Also the fact that he can't be here, or me be there with him, it hurts I have to admit. I just don't really know what to do with myself, I don't care if it's wrong or whatever to feel it, but I've fallen for him completely, and I adore him to pieces.
Just, what do I do?

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Is this the first time you've felt this way for someone online? The way I see it, you can get to know someone a little too well online, because people usually share more about themselves online than they do in person. So it's easy to find someone who understands you and seems to be perfect for you.
I think it's great that you've found someone you feel on the same level with and who makes you happy. Just keep being friends like you are now, and you never know what could happen from there.

I would like to think that long distance would have the potential to progress into something greater, because it's not a bad way to meet someone at all. No one can really predict if a long distance relationship will work or not. It really varies on how the individuals will be able to deal with the circumstances at hand (not being together physically, finding time for each other, trust issues). And furthermost, it really depends on the couple's capability to take the relationship seriously and have the determination to make ends meet in reality.

I'm not going to encourage or discourage you on this, but it would be wise to take things at a steady pace, not to rush into a relationship, and avoid the torment of being out of touch. Good luck.

 

[IgnoredOne]

From personal experience, it can work, but expect massive hurdles. Consider the cost of travel, the difficulties of trusting someone that you won't be seeing, and later, the difficult immigration mess.

 

[Naleena]

I hope it works out for the both of you There are some really sweet guys on here. It would probably be hard to go wrong with one.
Take your time and do be aware of immigration should things start to get serious. It's not easy to change your country of residence.

 

[nerdygirl]

You can share the same room with somebody and feel all alone, but have an instant message conversation with somebody else and feel as though you're holding each other. It all depends on the people involved and how much they're willing to invest.

 

[Sprint]

Okay so, I've talked about a few things on here that are kinda serious, but not stuff that's really, really personal. I feel like I need to tell someone, or just have someone else's perspective on a certain situation I'm in right now or something like that.

So I joined this forum like what, a month and a half ago? I spoken to various people met a few friends and stuff, but one person in particular has really stood out to me. I met him talking about whether this other dude I had been seeing was using me or not, about the way he acts and blahblah. I'll just refer to him as J as I'm not gonna mention names etc. We started using skype to speak to each other as we can't really text or anything, he lives in America and I live in England, so yeah it's kinda difficult with the time difference but we manage.

It's quite a difficult and weird situation actually because it's like, every night since we met we've talked, we've done video chats and just talked till I fall asleep. (because of the time difference it's quite late for me). But basically, we've grown to know each other alot, we talk about personal things often, and he's helped me through alot I must admit. The whole reason we first started talking, about this other guy who I liked and I got upset over, J has totally got rid of that hurt feeling. It's like, I knew I had to get over that guy I was seeing and I thought it was going to be hard, but since J has come on the scene, and we've been talking, it's like, all feelings for the other guy have gone, completely, and I've realised I didn't really like him that much after all?
J has made a huge impact on me, whether that's actually good or not I don't know but all I know is, this is gonna sound kinda freaky, but it's almost like I crave seeing and speaking to him. I think about him alot during the day, and I do mean alot. Everything I do it's like, he's always there in my mind, thinking about what it would be like to meet him, and see him face-to-face, wondering what he thinks about me, whether he's thinking about me aswel all that kinda stuff. + I've told him and he's told me the same, the way he thinks about me, and how much he cares about me. But it's a weird situation because I've always thought of long distance relationships as quite strange, and thinking you know, how can you love someone that you haven't met before? or how do you know you really care for someone that much without meeting them? But I suppose I'm one of those people that has to see and feel to believe certain things.
I can't describe how I feel about him it's quite strange, but a good strange? Like, when I think about him, I just find myself smiling, half the time not even realising, and my stomach gets butterflies like you wouldn't believe. I have had quite a few dreams about him aswel, which I suppose would happen considering I think about him alot.

The other night he went out with his friends and came back, slightly tipsey, and he made a video, just talking about his feelings at that moment which is what he likes to do to get things off his chest etc. He sent me the video, which he didn't really have any intention of showing me, but said he wanted me to see it. All I'll say is, my stomach was on overdrive, he was talking about his feelings for me, and exactly what I've put here really, about how it's a strange situation and it's not really something you expect to happen after little over a month of knowing someone, and them being in another fecking country. But the things he was saying about me, and talking about how much he cared just sent shivers, and I ended up getting into a mess, I started crying, was abit of both happy and sad really, just hearing him say that about me was unbelieveable, and also just knowing how lonely I had felt in the past, and not hearing anyone to ever say things like that about me made me cry aswel. Also the fact that he can't be here, or me be there with him, it hurts I have to admit. I just don't really know what to do with myself, I don't care if it's wrong or whatever to feel it, but I've fallen for him completely, and I adore him to pieces.
Just, what do I do?

Egads, I hope you're talking about another forum and not ALL.

 

[lolagemma]

It is the first time I've felt something for someone online yeah, that's why it's kind of a strange situation for me, as I've never been exposed to stuff like this.

+ no I just mean this lonelylife forum in particular hah.

It's just weird how I would do anything to have him here with me, and to be able to feel him hold me and things like that, thats probably one of the main issues I have with the whole distance thing, I know it's already hurting and I have a huge crush on him, nevermind if I actually fall in complete love with him. Also he's planning on coming to England next year in February for my birthday, hopefully anyways, I'm so excited if this is going to happen, but I'm so nervous aswel, things run through y mind like, omg I get to finally meet him! to, omg what if he doesn't like me, what if he hates the way I look etc. It's too many emotions at once!

 

[gypsytrip]

hi lola =)

I actually posted a thread on here a little while back dealing with LDRs. but that one had to do more with jealousy and trust issues so I guess it's not what you're going through now!

I've only been in one for about 3 months now, so I can't be muchhh help. I know the ache you feel though, wishing he was there with you. I met my man on vacation, became incredibly close to him in two weeks, and we decided to give long distance a try. he's in Australia while I'm in California. anyway, he had this cologne he always wore, and me being the total creep I am went to Sephora and sniffed it. smells are such an intense memory link. I cried for hours just remembering all the amazing times we had.

it's much easier if you have an idea of when you'll see each other next. otherwise you feel down cause you can't imagine how it could ever work out. what if you don't see each other for years! but knowing there are only a couple months until you are united gives you some peace of mind.

and the fact that you can skype is lovely. due to time differences and how busy my boy and I both are, we have to stick to emailing. I've forgotten what his voice sounds like! so you still have that togetherness feeling which is great =)

okay sorry for talking about myself so much. but just know that LDRs are actually a benefit in disguise. it's a pretty incredible hurdle, being able to make one last. there are so many girls where he is, yet he wants YOU. that's committment. being able to keep the conversation going when you're not in person, and depriving yourself of intimate contact all for one person is pretty special. so feel blessed.

 

[lolagemma]

I don't have any trust issues or anything like that, I mean we aren't even together, or whatever you wanna call it. but the way I feel about him is just becoming more and more obvious each time I speak to him. I really do adore him, and I know this sounds stupid but there's this thought in my head that won't go away, and it's not just because it's long distance, doesn't make it any easier that it is, but I have this fear that some amazingly gorgeous girl, with a good personality and blahblahhh is gonna find her way into his life, and he's absolutely beautiful, I don't understand why he's single in the first place. I know that sounds so selfish, but it really does scare me that he could get taken away from me completely, I'd be happy for him in a sense because I'd know he'd finally found someone and all that, but I can't help being selfish and wanting him to myself. I feel such a ***** for admitting that. :l

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I've never had a relationship long-distance or otherwise, so you can probably take my advice with a fairly large pinch of salt.

However, I did have a girl who was my best friend in a different country, we primarily communicated online. I haven't heard from her for a good 2 months now because something cropped up in her life, I've felt rather lonely without that interaction.

Seeing as that was just a friendship, I imagine a long distance relationship is even more prone to that kind of thing.

Plus I think the lack of intimate closeness would perhaps start to be an issue after a while?

Overall, I don't think I'm that keen on the idea. If you've met someone traditionally and you have to be apart for a while that's different, but a pure online or long distance relationship doesn't sound like the most stable type to me.

Best of luck with it anyway

 

[Thomas]]

Hey,

I think it absolutely has the potential to work. From experience, I feel that you can really get to know the core values and inner soul of a person through the net. The cost of this amazing connection that you talk of with J, is the long distance... But you can make it work. You're clearly both very important to each other, and it's really nice to read :shy:

I think you both need to show some commitment... when you're both ready and sure, you should meet each other for real and I'm certain that (on the side of the nerves ) it will be one of the best experiences you can imagine :shy:

I know that it's a difficult situation, and long distance relationships are different from the social norm... I found that social pressures made it harder to maintain steady contact... Friends never understood my situation and thought it was all weird and not worth my time. If you love him enough, none of this will matter though :shy:

I really hope everything works out for you. Remember that through all the emotional strain that there is with the long distance, you have someone who's worth the hardship, and that's something I'm sure you already know. Be happy with what you have, and remember that you can make it work! :shy:

Thomas.

 

[Beatbouncer]

When both partners are equally dedicated to the relationship things can work out. I can tell you that from person experience. Been in a long distance relationship (do 1300Km count?) for 5 years and it found a good conclusion. So yes, you can have the potential.

 

[lolagemma]

kayy, so just to update you all, it's been just over a few weeks since I last spoke to him, and he's ignoring me. I'm not sure exactly what I did, or whatever, but clearly I wasn't good enough and he must of found someone else.

 

[DeadSun]

in my experience no,they can't work,or its at the very least very likely to fail,probably because if somone hasn't actually even been in the same room with you its pretty easy for them to end it suddenly and give it no more thought regardless of what they'd said or how long its been.that being said sorry to hear he's ignoring you,but at least a cute english chick like you should be able to find some other guy pretty easily.

 

[Chasm]

sorry gemma
if he was like that its probably 4 da best tho
ld only works if there r active plans 2 meet
no real n active plans 2 meet means its just a fantasy

 

[kamya]

kayy, so just to update you all, it's been just over a few weeks since I last spoke to him, and he's ignoring me. I'm not sure exactly what I did, or whatever, but clearly I wasn't good enough and he must of found someone else.

In my experience, this is exactly what happens most of the time. Dating locally isn't much better either.

 

[toshy.]

Long distance relationships do have the potential to work, and sometimes they dont. I'm in a long distance relationship at the moment we live 9000 miles away, but things are working out. As long as you talk alot, skyping, camming etc... It'll be alot easier for it too work. If your still having second thoughts have a look at this video.
I also fear that my boyfriend will leave me for another girl, but i trust him and he trusts me. As long as you both trust each other it could have the potential of working out.
Hope this helped

 

[Skorian]

sorry gemma
if he was like that its probably 4 da best tho
ld only works if there r active plans 2 meet
no real n active plans 2 meet means its just a fantasy

Exactly.

I do suppose it depends on what people want. If they only want to think about eating food rather then actually, then ok, but eventually a person starves.

The nice thing about the net is sometimes it is easier to get to know someone and talk, then in person. Sometimes people have barriers in person that are less of a problem when people have more time to think rather then thinking on the fly when face to face.

 

[lolagemma]

we had plans to meet, we had plans of seing each other, and he seemed to want me, I want him so much, I miss him, I miss hearing his voice, and seeing him. I don't actually know what to do :'(

 

[Chasm]

im so sorry gemma
its so ruff when 1 person backs out
i know that from xperience
just try 2 comfort urself with the thought that if he was able 2 do this 2 u?
ur lucky u didnt get stuck with a dope like that!
i know its hard tho