Don't Know How To Feel...

[XspydurX]

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend & I don't know exactly how I should feel. Everything is just fine between us but...He's disappointed. It's not because I cheated or anything, I'm way too loyal & full of love for him to do anything of the sort (it happened to me & hurt like hell, & I'd never put someone I loved in that situation). It wasn't because I flirted w/ another guy...Usually I am not a extra super-duper flirt any way because I am a bit reserved (always have been, don't know why, hope nothings wrong w/ it). The reason I think he is disappointed is...well...sex. I told him I was uncomfortable with it & he got disappointed. He sounded extremely sad when I told him I didn't really feel comfortable with him talking about it with me, or saying too many sexual things to me. I feel like I am letting him down & I don't know why I feel so bad. At the same time, however, I feel like I am kind of hurting him to he point where he wouldn't want to be w/ me. I am already a very unexperienced gal, & I am the first ''fresh'' girl he's ever been with. I don't get why some guys get so upset when I let them know how I feel about sex. I don't know what to do & I really don't understand why it hurts his feelings when I get uncomfortable in certain situations. BTW, We are in a long-distance relationship at the moment. He's in a different state than I, but he'll be returning to Georgia soon for college & we hope to meet each other. I just hope when we meet I am not disappointed.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Wait....you've never met him??
If not, then he needs to apply the brakes on the sex stuff, and you shouldnt feel bad about asking him to. (un)

 

[XspydurX]

I know! Thats why I don't understand why I do feel kinda bad when he gets disappointed! Especially when he KNOWS how I feel about it since I told him in the FIRST place!
The school that I attend now is the same school that he graduated from last semester so alot of the friends that I have at school actually know him & say that he is an awesome guy...& just talking to him over the phone, I believe them...
But IDK if can handle the mild pressure that I am sensing from him...He says when he meets me, one of the first things he wants to do is ''make love to me''. I don't think I want that very much & its not because I don't love him, but because I AM NOT READY...I'm scared to admit that I don't think we will work out long enough to even see each other face to face but...IDK...He also believes sex is like the ultimate way to show someone you love them. He doesn't understand why I say its not...I am at a loss for emotion because I don't know which one is the best one for me to display when it comes to this...

 

[Anonymous1234]

Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do, if he doesn't understand then that's his loss, you can't give him something that you feel uncomfortable with just to please him. Try your best to explain things to him but why should it be you that has to do something your not comfortable with? Why can't he respect your feelings and wait until you are comfortable? That is what he should be doing in my opinion and not pressuring you to do something you dont want to. As to being disappointed it might be because he thinks you don't think he's worthy and might be hurting his ego or something of the sorts, just explain to him as best you can how you feel about him and the situation.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I know! Thats why I don't understand why I do feel kinda bad when he gets disappointed! Especially when he KNOWS how I feel about it since I told him in the FIRST place!
The school that I attend now is the same school that he graduated from last semester so alot of the friends that I have at school actually know him & say that he is an awesome guy...& just talking to him over the phone, I believe them...
But IDK if can handle the mild pressure that I am sensing from him...He says when he meets me, one of the first things he wants to do is ''make love to me''. I don't think I want that very much & its not because I don't love him, but because I AM NOT READY...I'm scared to admit that I don't think we will work out long enough to even see each other face to face but...IDK...He also believes sex is like the ultimate way to show someone you love them. He doesn't understand why I say its not...I am at a loss for emotion because I don't know which one is the best one for me to display when it comes to this...

No offense, honey, but if he's putting this kind or undue pressure on you NOW, and he hasnt even MET you....what do you think he will do when you two actually meet? You need to be firm and ask him to stop with the kind of talk that makes you uncomfortable. If he cares, he will heed your request. If he doesnt...sorry, but he's a very selfish indiviual.

(((hugs)))

 

[XspydurX]

You guys are right...
& He is a muscle head, so I do think it might have something to do with his ego...
Well, the next time we talk, I'll just have to woman up & tell him what I've been too chicken-honeysuckle to tell him before.
To be honest, its hard to talk to him when he gets like that. He either lets out hurt sighs (much like my own, which is where the feeling sad for him may come from) or asks me why I disagree w/ him...
I can never answer him straight because my problem is that I don't like to hurt ppl, and I am afraid I may say something to hurt him...
But...I guess I have to toughen up...

 

[Sean]

I agree with what Eve and Anonymous said . .

Don't do anything you don't feel 100% ready for.

Make sure he knows exactly what you're feeling.
Like what you've posted here
Unless he's a complete ass . . he'll back off and try to take things slower.

 

[blue_azure]

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend & I don't know exactly how I should feel. Everything is just fine between us but...He's disappointed. It's not because I cheated or anything, I'm way too loyal & full of love for him to do anything of the sort (it happened to me & hurt like hell, & I'd never put someone I loved in that situation). It wasn't because I flirted w/ another guy...Usually I am not a extra super-duper flirt any way because I am a bit reserved (always have been, don't know why, hope nothings wrong w/ it). The reason I think he is disappointed is...well...sex. I told him I was uncomfortable with it & he got disappointed. He sounded extremely sad when I told him I didn't really feel comfortable with him talking about it with me, or saying too many sexual things to me. I feel like I am letting him down & I don't know why I feel so bad. At the same time, however, I feel like I am kind of hurting him to he point where he wouldn't want to be w/ me. I am already a very unexperienced gal, & I am the first ''fresh'' girl he's ever been with. I don't get why some guys get so upset when I let them know how I feel about sex. I don't know what to do & I really don't understand why it hurts his feelings when I get uncomfortable in certain situations. BTW, We are in a long-distance relationship at the moment. He's in a different state than I, but he'll be returning to Georgia soon for college & we hope to meet each other. I just hope when we meet I am not disappointed.

Well, I'll be very frank here.

That is utter crap man. If he already knows how you feel about it and keeps bringing up the topic, that is just pure mind fu**ery. (I don't know if I am allowed to swear in the forums) The first guy I was with played a mega twisted mind game with me and it took me about 3 years to let go of everything that has happened. If he can't respect your feelings, sorry, he is just not worth it.

To be honest, its hard to talk to him when he gets like that. He either lets out hurt sighs (much like my own, which is where the feeling sad for him may come from) or asks me why I disagree w/ him...

Aha. Signs of mind games. He already knows how you feel so why should he submit you to this kind of emotional blackmail?

 

[ShybutHi]

I agree with what others are saying here, to me him saying things like he wants to make love to you and just talking about sex on that kind of level on the phone is rather strange. I think you really do need to be firm with him and just explain to him why your not ready....
If hes talking about sex when he hasnt even actually met you then, and i mean no offense because i dont know the full story, he seems like a bit of a jerk.

 

[Asterli]

Speaking for myself, as a man, it is good you are setting boundaries. It is and always will be you who is in control of your own body. I have learned, through many shameful moments, that I should take it slow. I don't want to come on to strong and I will respect the other in the relationship with whom I'm in with. He should learn that as well (sorry if I'm being to foward). I found out that it is the best way for me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Hmm subtle pressure = coercion?

I hate how some people think they have some sort of "right" to sex, when it's a privilege. :/

 

[Nyu001]

How many years you two have in the relationship?

I agree with all that has been said here. You definitively should open up all your thoughts about it to him and must let him understand. If he is feeling that urge to have sex, he can keep playing with his hand. ;(

Geez, I don't like men pushing with these stuffs. -.-

 

[XspydurX]

This is all really helpful