Dream partners

[user 150037]

Who's my dream partner?

Two words; Mila. Kunis.

 

[DanL53]

Me?  Dang near 59, I've let my body fall apart but I am also slowly putting it back together.  I'm agoraphobic among other things so I tend to stay home a lot.  But oddly, I have great friends, including relatives, and I guess I'm the life of the party as I get invited over and over to go out to eat, play cards or boards games.  Someone once told me it must be like, "Dinner for Schmucks", and I'm the schmuck.  But I honestly don't think it is, and for me to not have a negative thought about myself...hmmm, must be a sure thing than.

You know what I think it is?  I'm actually quite positive about life these days, now that I've come to terms with how much I can handle....and the amount of time it takes to recharge after social activities.  I guess if life were a baseball game, I am no starting pitcher, but I am a very reliable reliever.

As to my perfect partner.  I'm bi, so it could be a woman or a man.  And I have my "types".

Physically I'm am interested in how one carries their self.  By that I mean, it isn't looks so much as an obvious comfort in one's skin.  Apparent by cleanliness, health, smiles, bright eyes.  I am a sucker for eyes...now don't get that wrong.  I am not an eye sucker.  I just appreciate a view into another persons peepers and seeing the lights are on and maybe even better a glimpse of spirit.

Attitude and personality are what melt me.  Let's just say that Mae West is still my dream girl and always will be.  As for a man, give me James Stewart, not John Wayne.  So I like strong women, who can make themselves known to be strong.  And strong men, that don't brag about it.  And I LOVE discussions, conversations, and romanticizing!

But I am a part-timer.  If I have made that clear?  My perfect partner would have their own place, be independent, and require we be together sometimes, not all the time.

 

[ardour]

Doesn't matter for me. Once you get past a certain age (35 or so) nothing is going to be ideal. You'll never get to spend your best years with each other, never experience knowing the person when they were young and not as world weary.

Finally pairing up with someone in middle age would feel like a poor consolation prize, like I was cheated of experiences I should have had. That and I'm getting past the age where kids are a possibility with a similar age woman so the impetus all round just isn't there.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

Doesn't matter for me. Once you get past a certain age (35 or so) nothing is going to be ideal.  You'll never get to spend your best years with each other, never experience knowing the person when they were young and not as world weary.

Finally pairing up with someone in middle age would feel like a poor consolation prize, like I was cheated of experiences I should have had. That and I'm getting past the age where kids are a possibility so the impetus all round just isn't there.

**** dude, you do know 35 isn't 80, right?

Lots of people wind up in new relationships in their twilight years and they rarely complain about having "missed their best years". That's a bad mindset, especially then to suddenly give up on anything great you might find just because you two are older, like it's a consolation prize.

I feel most women would see that mindset to mean they (ie, you the guy) were only ever interested in sex with a young girl vs a real intimate relationship, where age really shouldn't matter much.

 

[ardour]

Doesn't matter for me. Once you get past a certain age (35 or so) nothing is going to be ideal.  You'll never get to spend your best years with each other, never experience knowing the person when they were young and not as world weary.

Finally pairing up with someone in middle age would feel like a poor consolation prize, like I was cheated of experiences I should have had. That and I'm getting past the age where kids are a possibility so the impetus all round just isn't there.

**** dude, you do know 35 isn't 80, right?

Lots of people wind up in new relationships in their twilight years and they rarely complain about having "missed their best years". That's a bad mindset, especially then to suddenly give up on anything great you might find just because you two are older, like it's a consolation prize.

I feel most women would see that mindset to mean they (ie, you the guy) were only ever interested in sex with a young girl vs a real intimate relationship, where age really shouldn't matter much.

I'm talking from the perspective of wanting to be younger, not an old man wanting to hit on younger women. Anyway I don't make any excuse for finding younger adult women more attractive, and older women probably feel the same way if they were being honest, so stop with the shaming.
 
You missed out on spending a significant portion of your adult lives together, the fun part basically where there were fewer responsibilities, more time to travel etc. and time to start a family. You can no longer have kids FFS. It's a big thing.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

Doesn't matter for me. Once you get past a certain age (35 or so) nothing is going to be ideal.  You'll never get to spend your best years with each other, never experience knowing the person when they were young and not as world weary.

Finally pairing up with someone in middle age would feel like a poor consolation prize, like I was cheated of experiences I should have had. That and I'm getting past the age where kids are a possibility so the impetus all round just isn't there.

**** dude, you do know 35 isn't 80, right?

Lots of people wind up in new relationships in their twilight years and they rarely complain about having "missed their best years". That's a bad mindset, especially then to suddenly give up on anything great you might find just because you two are older, like it's a consolation prize.

I feel most women would see that mindset to mean they (ie, you the guy) were only ever interested in sex with a young girl vs a real intimate relationship, where age really shouldn't matter much.

I'm talking from the perspective of wanting to be younger, not an old man wanting to hit on younger women.  
 
You missed out on spending a significant portion of your adult lives together, the fun part basically where there were fewer responsibilities, more time to travel etc. and  time to start a family.

I got exactly what you meant, and that's what I was saying too. But women can easily misconstrue your notion as different intentions than what you claim to mean; just saying.

...And I really don't think those different intentions are very far off, knowing you, to be honest.

 

[ardour]

Doesn't matter for me. Once you get past a certain age (35 or so) nothing is going to be ideal.  You'll never get to spend your best years with each other, never experience knowing the person when they were young and not as world weary.

Finally pairing up with someone in middle age would feel like a poor consolation prize, like I was cheated of experiences I should have had. That and I'm getting past the age where kids are a possibility so the impetus all round just isn't there.

**** dude, you do know 35 isn't 80, right?

Lots of people wind up in new relationships in their twilight years and they rarely complain about having "missed their best years". That's a bad mindset, especially then to suddenly give up on anything great you might find just because you two are older, like it's a consolation prize.

I feel most women would see that mindset to mean they (ie, you the guy) were only ever interested in sex with a young girl vs a real intimate relationship, where age really shouldn't matter much.

I'm talking from the perspective of wanting to be younger, not an old man wanting to hit on younger women.  
 
You missed out on spending a significant portion of your adult lives together, the fun part basically where there were fewer responsibilities, more time to travel etc. and  time to start a family.

I got exactly what you meant, and that's what I was saying too. But women can easily misconstrue your notion as different intentions than what you claim to mean; just saying.

...And I really don't think those different intentions are very far off, knowing you, to be honest.

Firstly, you don't know me, you're obnoxious, condescending and get nasty with the sly implied meanings.

I already edited my comment. Attraction matters and obviously there's less of that driving it when you get to my age. Women aren't these angelic being beings focused purely on the platonic either like you seem to assume.

 

[TheRealCallie]

"Best years of your life" is kind of subjective isn't it? Why do your younger years have to be the "best" years? I never really understood that. You are stupid when you're younger, making a honeysuckle ton of mistakes. I like to think the best years will be when you're more experienced about life that you may not make as many stupid little mistakes so often.

As for "settling," my standards are actually higher now that I'm older. Being young, I would date just about anyone. I have to be pickier now that I have kids. I'm not saying that's how every woman is, I know there are those that will settle. What I'm saying is that there are women out there who wouldn't be settling. Granted, a lot of guys wouldn't want anything to do with me because I have kids, but they can go fresia themselves

 

[ardour]

"Best years of your life" is kind of subjective isn't it?  Why do your younger years have to be the "best" years?  I never really understood that.  You are stupid when you're younger, making a honeysuckle ton of mistakes.  I like to think the best years will be when you're more experienced about life that you may not make as many stupid little mistakes so often.  

As for "settling,"  my standards are actually higher now that I'm older.  Being young, I would date just about anyone.  I have to be pickier now that I have kids.  I'm not saying that's how every woman is, I know there are those that will settle.  What I'm saying is that there are women out there who wouldn't be settling.  Granted, a lot of guys wouldn't want anything to do with me because I have kids, but they can go fresia themselves

Up until your early 30s when you aren't as weighed down by career goals, a mortgage or other responsibilities around aging/sick relatives. People seem to be pretty pragmatic around finding a partner at this age, overall less invested.

 

[DanL53]

I'm no expert but as to this age discussion.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Begins_at_Forty

Think about it, in the late 1800's the average lifespan was just 40 years.  Well, I can certainly see how one would consider 35 to be nearing the end..in the late 1800's.

In 1934, the average lifespan was into the 60's!  And health lasted far longer as well.  My goodness, that is still over eighty years ago.

Today lifespans last into the 70's.  There are professional athletes in many sports still playing, in their forties!

I don't think it is a stretch at all to presume the valuable belief would be to EXPECT a long, full, at least 35 years of life left after reaching 35.

 

[ardour]

I'm no expert but as to this age discussion.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Begins_at_Forty

Think about it, in the late 1800's the average lifespan was just 40 years.  Well, I can certainly see how one would consider 35 to be nearing the end..in the late 1800's.

In 1934, the average lifespan was into the 60's!  And health lasted far longer as well.  My goodness, that is still over eighty years ago.

Today lifespans last into the 70's.  There are professional athletes in many sports still playing, in their forties!

I don't think it is a stretch at all to presume the valuable belief would be to EXPECT a long, full, at least 35 years of life left after reaching 35.

In most cases by the time people hit 45- 50 the sexual part of their relationship ceases and it becomes exclusively about companionship. A 35 year old has only about 10 years left to experience what the majority do  by 21,  much less time if they want a family with someone of a similar age.  The relationship of two 27 year olds is fundamentally different than two 60 year olds, and yeah, unfortunately if you missed the boat you will never know what that’s like.

As much as Locke  - and it would have to be Locke – likes to get nasty with the self-righteous pap,  older inexperienced types ARE kind of stuck in an emotional stasis, still looking at 20 or early 30 somethings rather than someone more age appropriate, because have and always will remain to a large extent unlived.  The fact that human lifespans are still increasing doesn't change anything.

 

[DanL53]

I'm no expert but as to this age discussion.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Begins_at_Forty

Think about it, in the late 1800's the average lifespan was just 40 years.  Well, I can certainly see how one would consider 35 to be nearing the end..in the late 1800's.

In 1934, the average lifespan was into the 60's!  And health lasted far longer as well.  My goodness, that is still over eighty years ago.

Today lifespans last into the 70's.  There are professional athletes in many sports still playing, in their forties!

I don't think it is a stretch at all to presume the valuable belief would be to EXPECT a long, full, at least 35 years of life left after reaching 35.

In most cases by the time people hit 45- 50 the sexual part of their relationship ceases and it becomes exclusively about companionship. A 35 year old has only about 10 years left to experience what the majority do  by 21,  much less time if they want a family with someone of a similar age.  The relationship of two 27 year olds is fundamentally different than two 60 year olds, and yeah, unfortunately if you missed the boat you will never know what that’s like.

As much as Locke  - and it would have to be Locke – likes to get nasty with the self-righteous pap,  older inexperienced types ARE kind of stuck in an emotional stasis, still looking at 20 or early 30 somethings rather than someone more age appropriate, because have and always will remain to a large extent unlived.  The fact that human lifespans are still increasing doesn't change anything.

Studies have shown severe loneliness to be as deadly as obesity and/or smoking.  

I would still encourage people whether they are experienced in relationships or not to make efforts to not be lonely.  I'll be sure to ask my Psychiatrist what she thinks of, "older inexperienced types ARE kind of stuck in an emotional stasis", although (and remember I am a severe agoraphobic) I can recall the messages she has repeatedly given me about how any and all effort to be LESS of a shut in as I can is good for me.

I'm not sure what healthful lifestyle is created by encouraging people to give up.  And I'm pretty sure that isn't what you are doing, just think maybe you can clarify that.

 

[Kindness35]

I live in the world much different from what people see. I am a quiet screamer and introverted riot. I am an angel flying with broken wings mended by pain and sticky tears of fading happiness. I am molting passion that enjoys the burn of my touch. I am chaos in an organized mind. All this and I am joyest alone bee and a wolf the howls at night.

My Dream partner would be a skinny, awkward guy who said and did random things that were equally annoying and amusing and who wasn't a bit set back my organized chaos.

 

[Ecclesiastes]

How would you describe youraelf and how would you describe your dream partner

I’m introverted, can be a bit intense, aloof, bull-headed. I pretty much dwell in existentialism/absurdism. 

Online, I typically drift towards people of the same mindset, though IRL I tend to be more attracted to pragmatic/down-to-earth extroverts, I think. I enjoy people who like to laugh. People who are “woke” are a plus, though the term is kind of overused now by the spiritually pretentious.