Dream Vs Reality…

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CenotaphGirl

Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
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So question … if your dream partner is not matching your reality… should you chase your dream… or stay where you are to try to ensure that you dont end up alone?

Is it okay to be with someone hoping they’ll be your dream partner one day or is that toxic?
 
Debbie didn't chase her dreams and settled for what she had. Here's her story 🎸


Omfg you have nooooooo idea how much I relate to this bloody song My name sounds similar too now im so afraid of life 😅
 
You don't live in a dream, you live in reality, whether you like it or not. Can you be sure your dream guy exists? Are you happy where you are? Do you feel like you need more?

Personally, if you're staying with someone because you're scared to be alone, you are selling yourself short. Learn to be okay alone and you'll be so surprised how much better a relationship can be. All of your relationships, not just the romantic ones.
 
You are very welcome to pop 'round and dance on the hood of my car Princess 💃 ;)
Only if I can wear my heels 😅


You don't live in a dream, you live in reality, whether you like it or not. Can you be sure your dream guy exists? Are you happy where you are? Do you feel like you need more?

Personally, if you're staying with someone because you're scared to be alone, you are selling yourself short. Learn to be okay alone and you'll be so surprised how much better a relationship can be. All of your relationships, not just the romantic ones.
See this is it, where will the settling start and where should it stop? Like is not chasing what you want because it may be out there just a part of growing up?
 
See this is it, where will the settling start and where should it stop? Like is not chasing what you want because it may be out there just a part of growing up?
You're still young though, so you haven't seen whether the person you want is out there. So my question for you is this....and you don't have to answer me, it's more for yourself to think about and reflect on. Are you with your guy just so you are in a relationship and not alone or can you honestly see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Now when I say him, I mean him, as he is now, not what he could be, not what you could train him to be, but 100% who he is right this second.
 
You're still young though, so you haven't seen whether the person you want is out there. So my question for you is this....and you don't have to answer me, it's more for yourself to think about and reflect on. Are you with your guy just so you are in a relationship and not alone or can you honestly see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Now when I say him, I mean him, as he is now, not what he could be, not what you could train him to be, but 100% who he is right this second.
Honestly, as bad as it will sound.. I feel like people as so “disposable” people leave so I dont know about the rest of my life, he’s someone I can love for right now, he’s someone I love right now.

But how much of my life he deserves, im just not sure, if he’ll ever be 100% enough for me for now and ever more… I honestly cant know. I know we are planning on forever, plans are good, right? 🙃
 
Not really dream people exist because no one can be perfect, there will always be flaws or faults, things you'll have to adjust to and that they'll have to adjust to, compromises will probably have to be made but in the end it's just a case of if you make each other happy and enjoy the time spent together then that's a reality I'd be ok with I think.

Not feeling great today so words are not so good.
 
I still stay enjoy your youth. Love whomever you are with and not worry about tomorrow. People change so much over their lifetime that the guy you are with just might turn into your dream guy. It is up to you to shape him though. If you just sit by and watch he might turn into your dread guy.
 
So question … if your dream partner is not matching your reality… should you chase your dream… or stay where you are to try to ensure that you dont end up alone?

Is it okay to be with someone hoping they’ll be your dream partner one day or is that toxic?
I think this mindset is the problem with a lot of relationships these days and why they ultimately fail. There's no such thing as a 'dream partner' in my eyes. I don't think there's a person on the planet that can fulfill 'everything-you-want-in-a-partner-in-one-neat-little-package-with-a-bow-on-top'. It just doesn't work that way. Humans are not infallible - we make mistakes, we say the wrong thing, we act selfishly sometimes, we have irritating habits that annoy our partners. . .the list is endless. Compromise is key.

Yes, I think staying with someone you don't feel is 'matching your reality' in the hopes that might change in the murky future is toxic. You either want to be with the person you're with now, or you don't. You either want to build a future with that person or you don't. Simple as that. Waiting for that person to miraculously turn into Prince Charming one day is futile. Relationships are constantly evolving and changing through the years - the person I was 20 years ago when I met my husband is totally different than the person I am now - same with him. We've grown, our tastes have changed, our attitudes are different. Flaws and faults will always exist in a partner, no matter what.
 
This is the kind of decision that, it depends on how well you know yourself....

For me, I'm a creative introvert, I have a natural aptitude for solitude, I can handle it better than others who don't have these two traits in unison. It only works for me because I really can keep myself distracted and train my mental state to know myself wholly of the good, the bad and the ugly and still learn to love and accept myself.

That's what makes me sort of an anomaly factor. Most people, can't do that.
I know other introverts but they aren't creative so it doesn't work for them.
And I've known a lot of extroverts with high functioning social anxiety disorder who really are amazed at my ability to manage isolation well.

And then, even if a person does have these two traits, both introversion and creativity, they would then have to learn how to use them as tools to their favor, and worldview as such will be a factorial variable as well as a natural challenge just as it was for me.

I'm speaking entirely from my own experiences, this is why I am the way that I am.
I can't really recommend this to other people, because other people are not me, and just because I made something work for me does not mean it will work for someone else.

But the reason and the way that I got here, started with OPs original question, actually.

I didn't want to end up chasing an endless dream while having it destroy my life along the way, after all I'm getting older, not younger.
But I also didn't want to settle and end up stuck in an unhappy lifelong relationship, either.

So I used the tools that I had, and taught myself how to be more comfortable than not with being alone.
Which apparently stuns people.
 
This is an odd post to me.

I don't think I have ever had a dream person. I have had a dream job, a dream house, a dream car...not a dream person. Maybe I can't dream up perfect animate things....
 
I think this mindset is the problem with a lot of relationships these days and why they ultimately fail. There's no such thing as a 'dream partner' in my eyes. I don't think there's a person on the planet that can fulfill 'everything-you-want-in-a-partner-in-one-neat-little-package-with-a-bow-on-top'. It just doesn't work that way. Humans are not infallible - we make mistakes, we say the wrong thing, we act selfishly sometimes, we have irritating habits that annoy our partners. . .the list is endless. Compromise is key.

Yes, I think staying with someone you don't feel is 'matching your reality' in the hopes that might change in the murky future is toxic. You either want to be with the person you're with now, or you don't. You either want to build a future with that person or you don't. Simple as that. Waiting for that person to miraculously turn into Prince Charming one day is futile. Relationships are constantly evolving and changing through the years - the person I was 20 years ago when I met my husband is totally different than the person I am now - same with him. We've grown, our tastes have changed, our attitudes are different. Flaws and faults will always exist in a partner, no matter what.
Ooh you know this is interesting, I think the whole idea of a partner good enough to make me compromise on what I want is a dream within itself.

I love my fella but I cant help but wish he was a bit more this… and a bit less that sometimes. I just wonder if that is toxic or that is compromise? I cant really tell, as im still here, his… even though there are things I dislike. Even though I wish he could be more… different.

People change over time, so im patiently waiting to see if he will be the man I know he can be, but then… what if thats the opposite of the man he wants to be?

Relationships are soooooo complicateddddd
 
This is the kind of decision that, it depends on how well you know yourself....

For me, I'm a creative introvert, I have a natural aptitude for solitude, I can handle it better than others who don't have these two traits in unison. It only works for me because I really can keep myself distracted and train my mental state to know myself wholly of the good, the bad and the ugly and still learn to love and accept myself.

That's what makes me sort of an anomaly factor. Most people, can't do that.
I know other introverts but they aren't creative so it doesn't work for them.
And I've known a lot of extroverts with high functioning social anxiety disorder who really are amazed at my ability to manage isolation well.

And then, even if a person does have these two traits, both introversion and creativity, they would then have to learn how to use them as tools to their favor, and worldview as such will be a factorial variable as well as a natural challenge just as it was for me.

I'm speaking entirely from my own experiences, this is why I am the way that I am.
I can't really recommend this to other people, because other people are not me, and just because I made something work for me does not mean it will work for someone else.

But the reason and the way that I got here, started with OPs original question, actually.

I didn't want to end up chasing an endless dream while having it destroy my life along the way, after all I'm getting older, not younger.
But I also didn't want to settle and end up stuck in an unhappy lifelong relationship, either.

So I used the tools that I had, and taught myself how to be more comfortable than not with being alone.
Which apparently stuns people.
I guess thats interesting, if your goals aline with being alone then… why not?
I honestly think a lot of men would probably like to choose the Bachelor life style. I see nothing wrong with that.
 
This is an odd post to me.

I don't think I have ever had a dream person. I have had a dream job, a dream house, a dream car...not a dream person. Maybe I can't dream up perfect animate things....
You never had a dream partner! 😱 Your dreams must be soo boring 😅 I’m joking, but like my dream partner isnt perfect, he’s just everything I want in a man, with a few alterations to keep my parents happy lol thats all… I cant help but wonder if I build a life with my current partner and dream guy walks along… have I ruined my life?
 

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