Lone Apothecary
Well-known member
It's been a while since I started a new thread on here. My last thread on here ended on a positive note, and I'd like to say I've continued to improve since then, but I digress.
I'd like to briefly summarize the events of my past few years. Feel free to skip to this paragraph; this isn't crucial. The family cat died in 2011. After that, I had trouble in grade 12 & college, resulting in me getting depressed & seeing a psychologist. My depression subsided, I stopped seeing the psychologist, I moved in with my dad in another town, & started working full time at McDonald's, but it wasn't a good job for me. After 2 months, I made a mistake at work & my anxiety came to a head, resulting in me quitting before the date I gave on my notice & driving back home the next morning. I started seeing the same psychologist, this time for anxiety, until I felt I had it under control. I stopped seeing her & started searching for jobs again, which brings me to my current situation.
I was hired at a gas station last week. I've worked 3 shifts, totaling 29 hours, & I have another 8 hour shift tomorrow, but I'm dreading it & even slipping back into depression. I'm not a good fit for this position. I hate myself for making the same mistake I made with McDonald's: accepting the 1st offer that came my way, despite not doing my homework. Adding to my self-hatred is the fact that I was offered an interview at a dollar store for a position that would've suited me nicely, but I cancelled that interview, since I was hired at the gas station, & now that position's been filled. I'm not interested in ideas for sticking this job out; I won't sacrifice my well-being for a part time, minimum wage job, & I know--despite my short time there--that I'm not a good fit. I'm interested in ideas for staving off this creeping pessimism, or any ideas for leaving a newly started job, if anyone here has done that.
Each time something like this happens, I worry that all of my efforts will blow up in my face. How do you all keep yourselves motivated to keep pursuing opportunities--job-related, or otherwise--after something blows up in your face?
Am I making mountains out of molehills here? Probably, but I try to cut myself some slack, since I'm relatively young & I try to learn from my mistakes (I'm going to ask more questions & do my homework before taking any offers from here on). That said, I still feel pretty hopeless & incompetent, & the fact that I've had suicidal thoughts over a few days of stressful work makes me hate myself even more. The last time it happened, it took months for me to regress this far, but this time it took less than a week. I feel as if I've gotten weaker, which is the most worrying thing of all.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, whoever you may be, and thank you in advance for any input you may have. And, for the record, I'm probably going to start seeing my psychologist again if I don't feel better within a week.
I'd like to briefly summarize the events of my past few years. Feel free to skip to this paragraph; this isn't crucial. The family cat died in 2011. After that, I had trouble in grade 12 & college, resulting in me getting depressed & seeing a psychologist. My depression subsided, I stopped seeing the psychologist, I moved in with my dad in another town, & started working full time at McDonald's, but it wasn't a good job for me. After 2 months, I made a mistake at work & my anxiety came to a head, resulting in me quitting before the date I gave on my notice & driving back home the next morning. I started seeing the same psychologist, this time for anxiety, until I felt I had it under control. I stopped seeing her & started searching for jobs again, which brings me to my current situation.
I was hired at a gas station last week. I've worked 3 shifts, totaling 29 hours, & I have another 8 hour shift tomorrow, but I'm dreading it & even slipping back into depression. I'm not a good fit for this position. I hate myself for making the same mistake I made with McDonald's: accepting the 1st offer that came my way, despite not doing my homework. Adding to my self-hatred is the fact that I was offered an interview at a dollar store for a position that would've suited me nicely, but I cancelled that interview, since I was hired at the gas station, & now that position's been filled. I'm not interested in ideas for sticking this job out; I won't sacrifice my well-being for a part time, minimum wage job, & I know--despite my short time there--that I'm not a good fit. I'm interested in ideas for staving off this creeping pessimism, or any ideas for leaving a newly started job, if anyone here has done that.
Each time something like this happens, I worry that all of my efforts will blow up in my face. How do you all keep yourselves motivated to keep pursuing opportunities--job-related, or otherwise--after something blows up in your face?
Am I making mountains out of molehills here? Probably, but I try to cut myself some slack, since I'm relatively young & I try to learn from my mistakes (I'm going to ask more questions & do my homework before taking any offers from here on). That said, I still feel pretty hopeless & incompetent, & the fact that I've had suicidal thoughts over a few days of stressful work makes me hate myself even more. The last time it happened, it took months for me to regress this far, but this time it took less than a week. I feel as if I've gotten weaker, which is the most worrying thing of all.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, whoever you may be, and thank you in advance for any input you may have. And, for the record, I'm probably going to start seeing my psychologist again if I don't feel better within a week.