Efforts Blowing Up In Your Face

[Lone Apothecary]

It's been a while since I started a new thread on here. My last thread on here ended on a positive note, and I'd like to say I've continued to improve since then, but I digress.

I'd like to briefly summarize the events of my past few years. Feel free to skip to this paragraph; this isn't crucial. The family cat died in 2011. After that, I had trouble in grade 12 & college, resulting in me getting depressed & seeing a psychologist. My depression subsided, I stopped seeing the psychologist, I moved in with my dad in another town, & started working full time at McDonald's, but it wasn't a good job for me. After 2 months, I made a mistake at work & my anxiety came to a head, resulting in me quitting before the date I gave on my notice & driving back home the next morning. I started seeing the same psychologist, this time for anxiety, until I felt I had it under control. I stopped seeing her & started searching for jobs again, which brings me to my current situation.

I was hired at a gas station last week. I've worked 3 shifts, totaling 29 hours, & I have another 8 hour shift tomorrow, but I'm dreading it & even slipping back into depression. I'm not a good fit for this position. I hate myself for making the same mistake I made with McDonald's: accepting the 1st offer that came my way, despite not doing my homework. Adding to my self-hatred is the fact that I was offered an interview at a dollar store for a position that would've suited me nicely, but I cancelled that interview, since I was hired at the gas station, & now that position's been filled. I'm not interested in ideas for sticking this job out; I won't sacrifice my well-being for a part time, minimum wage job, & I know--despite my short time there--that I'm not a good fit. I'm interested in ideas for staving off this creeping pessimism, or any ideas for leaving a newly started job, if anyone here has done that.

Each time something like this happens, I worry that all of my efforts will blow up in my face. How do you all keep yourselves motivated to keep pursuing opportunities--job-related, or otherwise--after something blows up in your face?

Am I making mountains out of molehills here? Probably, but I try to cut myself some slack, since I'm relatively young & I try to learn from my mistakes (I'm going to ask more questions & do my homework before taking any offers from here on). That said, I still feel pretty hopeless & incompetent, & the fact that I've had suicidal thoughts over a few days of stressful work makes me hate myself even more. The last time it happened, it took months for me to regress this far, but this time it took less than a week. I feel as if I've gotten weaker, which is the most worrying thing of all.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, whoever you may be, and thank you in advance for any input you may have. And, for the record, I'm probably going to start seeing my psychologist again if I don't feel better within a week.

 

[Batman55]

As you said, you're young yet, try not to get into this whole "it's the end of the world" routine. I know, it's easier said than done...

 

[Broody]

It can be so hard trying to maintain a job whilst dealing with mental health issues.. I only worked at Hungry Jacks for 2 weeks before I quit, back after I finished high school and now, 2 years later, I'm struggling to find someone who will employ me due to my lack of experience. I hated it at HJ's and they didn't really help me at all..

I think its very hard if even possible, to find good employment at minimum wage whilst they still care about your health. But it is never a good idea to stick it out if its putting you at risk of harming yourself.

Just breathe and realise you'll be much better off leaving so you can find a job you'll actually enjoy. Give your notice at the gas station and start looking around for open positions right away. Don't define yourself by grades or a job, sometimes we gotta keep trying before we find the 'perfect fit.'

Money and experience is important, yes, but remember to give yourself some time to relax and pursue your interests.. that's equally as important so please take care.

 

[Edward W]

I would say that if you can stick at it stay in your current job while you find another, I beleive potential employers favour someone already in employment to someonw who is not, and at least you are earning some money while you look for somethign better.

I'd also say always go to an interview, even if you know you don't want the job, it's good experience for that interview for the job you DO want.

Good luck.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

Ah, jeez, talk about catastrophizing and having egg on your face. For someone who strives to be rational, I get incredibly irrational when it comes to my anxious thoughts. My shift today wasn't that bad, and my schedule for next week is pretty manageable, so I think I'll reconsider leaving for at least a week. That said, I'd still greatly appreciate what anyone has to say about my original post, in case I find myself in similar circumstances again.

As you said, you're young yet, try not to get into this whole "it's the end of the world" routine. I know, it's easier said than done...

Trying to avoid catastrophizing is about the best thing I could do. If anyone has suggestions, then I'm all ears, haha. That said, my anxiety was short-lived this time. I didn't make any irreversible, rash decisions, which means I've improved in some sense.

It can be so hard trying to maintain a job whilst dealing with mental health issues.. I only worked at Hungry Jacks for 2 weeks before I quit, back after I finished high school and now, 2 years later, I'm struggling to find someone who will employ me due to my lack of experience. I hated it at HJ's and they didn't really help me at all..

I think its very hard if even possible, to find good employment at minimum wage whilst they still care about your health. But it is never a good idea to stick it out if its putting you at risk of harming yourself.

Just breathe and realise you'll be much better off leaving so you can find a job you'll actually enjoy. Give your notice at the gas station and start looking around for open positions right away. Don't define yourself by grades or a job, sometimes we gotta keep trying before we find the 'perfect fit.'

Money and experience is important, yes, but remember to give yourself some time to relax and pursue your interests.. that's equally as important so please take care.

Mental health issues are definitely an obstacle for employment. McDonald's was a very uncomfortable environment for me, since it had my anxiety through the roof. The french fry station made me want to rip my hair out. That said, a few of my colleagues enjoyed working there; it just wasn't for me. The manager at the gas station seems willing to help, but it was during a shift where she wasn't there that I started feeling anxious, and the guy who was there wasn't very helpful, which is what made me dread my next shift, which wound up defying my negative expectations.

The gas station pretty much has to care about their employee's health, since the staff is small, and it's open 24/7, so that's a plus. It definitely isn't a good idea to stick it out if it's going to cause you harm, but I'm back on the fence again as to whether or not the job will actually wind up harming me, or if I'm just being overly anxious. I have a manageable 21-hour week ahead to figure it out.

I'll hold off on giving a notice until at least after this week, assuming I don't feel better by the end of the week, but I am still looking for other open positions. If I find something less stressful, then I won't hesitate to give my notice.

I couldn't agree more. I felt horrible when I was working full-time, coming home exhausted and barely partaking in my interests. Now I've still got quite a bit of free time, and I can put the money towards books, games, and other such things. Thank you, and please take care of yourself as well.

I would say that if you can stick at it stay in your current job while you find another, I beleive potential employers favour someone already in employment to someonw who is not, and at least you are earning some money while you look for somethign better.

I'd also say always go to an interview, even if you know you don't want the job, it's good experience for that interview for the job you DO want.

Good luck.

Despite my earlier, irrationally anxious comment about not wanting advice to stick the job out for a while, I think this is my best bet. I'm still checking for job opportunities, and as long as my anxiety towards work at the gas station doesn't become pervasive (a few anxious days isn't bad by my standards), then I don't think I'd have much trouble waiting for a better opportunity to come along and making a few hundred bucks a week in the meantime.

Going to "practice interviews" for positions you don't necessarily want is a great idea, and I hadn't thought of that. Even if it wouldn't be quite the same as an interview for a job you wanted, it'd still be very similar and valuable either way.

Thank you.

 

[Broody]

It's really quite troublesome that many employment areas don't take into account mental illness :/ I'm sorry to hear that, I am glad you got outta there. I guess some jobs are better suited for others, and it really does depend on the managers and other crew members that work with you. If you got a friend there, it can really make that much more of a difference. I'm glad at least one of them does, I don't know if you are able to see when she is on the roster or not, but maybe you could work your shifts around to when she is as well so you're more comfortable and secure?

Well, that's good.. Don't make any decisions just as yet, and just see how you feel. Some shifts won't be as bad as others, and like I said before, if you can control even a little about who you'll be working with, that'll definitely help you. Don't give up, just keep trying and if something better comes along, go for it. Even if its just for an interview, that's progress.

Yep, that's why the job I applied for and might be getting now at Subway, I stated 15-20 hours max, and I'll need to shorten that even more when I start studying. Yes, so that's just one good thing about the job! It can help you pursue your interests and hobbies No worries at all, and thank you very much, I will

 

[VanillaCreme]

You can't control life. Just how you react to it. Everything you ever do may blow up and backfire, but as long as you keep trying, you'll never fail.