Enough is enough ...

[PyramidHead]

I waited for girls to show me any kind of interest. Nothing happened. I joined online dating sites and wrote girls to get to know them better. No answers.
I tried hard to fight the negative feeling that I have about myself and I tried hard to do everything I want, even while I was afraid to do it because of my shyness. I'm good, and even work on myself to get better. I'm sick to wait for someone to realize that, so I will go on the offensive now.
Do or die trying! Kamikaze Banzai!!!

It seems even harder to make "real friends" out of the blue, so I will try to walk the romantic path. I know some people who have social phobia and still got a partner, so it doesn't seem more impossible than getting friends.
Since I always were open minded and waited for girls to show some interest, I will try to go a very different way from now on. (Not that I would turn down any sign of interest.) Now, I will try to focus on a single woman and try to get to know her more and hopefully to get her out on a date.
Hopefully, if I try to be more practically and less theoretical about these things, then it may help to get over my shyness a bit.

After thinking for a while, I made up my mind about my first "prey".
There is this woman at my gym, who is there every day when I visit at around the same time after work (19:00 to 20:00). I sometimes see her there on weekends as well, but I don't have fixed times on weekend.
Some of the "bodybuilder" type guys sometimes talk to her, so I heard that her name is something like "Vera".
It seems like friendly chit-chat, but not as if she would be interested, so I may have a chance... if she has no boyfriend or anything like that already. Would be quite a challenge, because she is better in training than me. She looks like one of these athletic runners from TV... she even got a full six pack, which I'm still working on. But I guess I'm fit enough to make it interesting for her.

So here is the plan (assuming that she is single and everything goes well):
1. Talk to her, introduce myself, so that she starts to get to know me and my realize my presence there. (Or get the name to the face, if she already saw me.)
2. Get to know her a bit more. (I would really love to know what she works... at first I was thinking that she is a fitness trainer, but she has no shirt of this place, so she isn't working there.)
3. Ask her out to a date (I would love to see her without her hair tied back into a ponytail.)
4. Go out on a date with her
5. Get a second date or any sign that she would like to go on
6. Give her a kiss

I doubt that I will even get to the date, or at least nowhere beyond that. But I will try. And to make sure that I don't wait to long, I will already say that I will talk to her tomorrow or at least before the day after tomorrow, ask her out before 21.12.2012 (possible Doomsday ) and hopefully go on a date with her before Christmas.

If it fails, then I will try the same, but with another woman, starting New Year. But no matter how insane it sounds, I will try to keep say myself that everything will work out and that I won't fail. And if I fail, then I will try again, no matter how often I fail...
Oh god, I'm messing with forces that I can't control ... the dating game.

 

[MsMac]

don't give up
my son was very shy and joined dating sites a few years back

he is now happily married with a baby, and he met his wife on a dating site

 

[PyramidHead]

don't give up
my son was very shy and joined dating sites a few years back

he is now happily married with a baby, and he met his wife on a dating site

I don't give up on dating, but I will never visit any dating site again. I was on 6 dating sites, 4 free, two paid, for over 2 years each (4 years overall), and no matter how active I have been, no matter how much women I wrote to (no set formulas, but all messages written out of the blue and with personal connections (place they live or some interest mentioned in their profile)), I nearly never got any answers. The few women who answered stopped after 1 or two messages or were way to strange to consider serious dating.
Stuff like asking for pictures of me naked in the second or third message and thats not the worst example.
And I wrote all kind of women, my age, a bit above or under my age, from athletic girls, to smart and educated girls, to girls who had a bit more weight (which made them look very cute too), and I even wrote to lazy girls who not even had much of a profile, not to mention no picture. And still, it was as if I wasn't even worth it to write me back...

So, I never do that kind of thing again. Better talk to 100 women in real and fail, as to write to 1000 women online and fail. At least in real life, I can say that I tried hard and it just was bad luck. But to fail so much on a dating site is just pure destruction to self esteem.
It really fustrates me, because I fitted every bit they wanted. I'm actually a good catch, from what women SAY/WRITE they want, but I learned to believe that they don't seem so sure about it themselves. Or that I'm maybe still not good enough.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

That aside, it's time to be on the offensive offline now. So better wish me luck.

 

[TomTam]

Don't worry, I've noticed that you're in Germany, and that's the common attitude of a german girl, they never answer, it's very common there, they never show any interest, they never answer because they're the best and most beautiful - as they feel and think. I had my experience. Get out there and try to meet a girl in real, and stay with us here, the forum is great, fantastic people, never ignore messages.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

All I can say is don't look for love. The right person will find you. The world is one big beautiful place and a lot to be explored. She may be right under your nose. Just relax and be yourself, the right person will meet you and love every little thing about you. Trust me. Anything can happen.

 

[PyramidHead]

Don't worry, I've noticed that you're in Germany, and that's the common attitude of a german girl, they never answer, it's very common there, they never show any interest, they never answer because they're the best and most beautiful - as they feel and think.

You are not the first to tell me that. As well, I got women from other countries telling me, that german man are said to suck at flirting. Like showing much affection in public and walking up to girls to pick them up and all.
Which would mean, that even if I get into another country, I still wouldn't have better chances, since the guys there are better in flirting. So I guess I have to make the best out of it... it's not like I can date women from other countries to try out. I may know enough languages for it (4 foreign ones, after German mother tongue), but I can't really switch my country right now. I get a good pay on my job, if I leave it and have no luck in love in another country, then I lose twice.

All I can say is don't look for love. The right person will find you. The world is one big beautiful place and a lot to be explored. She may be right under your nose. Just relax and be yourself, the right person will meet you and love every little thing about you. Trust me. Anything can happen.

Even if she finds me, I doubt that she will talk to me. Over here, even while women are very emancipated, they still are very old fashioned in terms of dating. She likes you? She will wait for you to talk to her or get frustrated if you don't do. That's the dating insanity over here, at least how far I know, hear, read and see.
If you know a place where it is daily routine for attractive guys to be asked out by women and things like that, then I would love to try it out.
But, maybe I'm lucky with my little test of courage... if I am, then maybe not much guys were brave enough to ask her out and I will get a chance. Not to mention, that not all guys like women who can most likely lift more weights than they do (I guess I can lift more, but I assumed that I'm above standard... only a few go to gym.)

 

[TomTam]

I didn't mean you should leave to another country, there are wonderful girls in Germany too, but not easy to meet them. I won't rely on dating sites.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Well not to crush your hopes.. but if you are aware of her she is likely aware of you. Most guys would say that you would come off as creepy since you waited too long to talk to her. However, you do not know until you try.

I say your idea of focusing on one female at a time looks good on paper. However, I do not believe it is so good in practice. Most men I see who are good with females have lots of females, desirable females, around them. It is a known trait that females are more attracted to men with other females, of their caliber, around him.

So I think you should focus getting a group of girls. That way when you are out you look better. I also think you need to be dating lots of girls at a time, not just one. This way you will be able to give off the confidence that is needed to attract her further. Because if she rejects you it will not be the end of the world. You have another girl already on the ropes.

I think it would be better for you, and anyone else on this forum, females included. To get to the point where you have to make a choice on which mate you want. Not the other way around.

 

[duff]

I waited for girls to show me any kind of interest. Nothing happened. I joined online dating sites and wrote girls to get to know them better. No answers.
I tried hard to fight the negative feeling that I have about myself and I tried hard to do everything I want, even while I was afraid to do it because of my shyness. I'm good, and even work on myself to get better. I'm sick to wait for someone to realize that, so I will go on the offensive now.
Do or die trying! Kamikaze Banzai!!!

It seems even harder to make "real friends" out of the blue, so I will try to walk the romantic path. I know some people who have social phobia and still got a partner, so it doesn't seem more impossible than getting friends.
Since I always were open minded and waited for girls to show some interest, I will try to go a very different way from now on. (Not that I would turn down any sign of interest.) Now, I will try to focus on a single woman and try to get to know her more and hopefully to get her out on a date.
Hopefully, if I try to be more practically and less theoretical about these things, then it may help to get over my shyness a bit.

After thinking for a while, I made up my mind about my first "prey".
There is this woman at my gym, who is there every day when I visit at around the same time after work (19:00 to 20:00). I sometimes see her there on weekends as well, but I don't have fixed times on weekend.
Some of the "bodybuilder" type guys sometimes talk to her, so I heard that her name is something like "Vera".
It seems like friendly chit-chat, but not as if she would be interested, so I may have a chance... if she has no boyfriend or anything like that already. Would be quite a challenge, because she is better in training than me. She looks like one of these athletic runners from TV... she even got a full six pack, which I'm still working on. But I guess I'm fit enough to make it interesting for her.

So here is the plan (assuming that she is single and everything goes well):
1. Talk to her, introduce myself, so that she starts to get to know me and my realize my presence there. (Or get the name to the face, if she already saw me.)
2. Get to know her a bit more. (I would really love to know what she works... at first I was thinking that she is a fitness trainer, but she has no shirt of this place, so she isn't working there.)
3. Ask her out to a date (I would love to see her without her hair tied back into a ponytail.)
4. Go out on a date with her
5. Get a second date or any sign that she would like to go on
6. Give her a kiss

I doubt that I will even get to the date, or at least nowhere beyond that. But I will try. And to make sure that I don't wait to long, I will already say that I will talk to her tomorrow or at least before the day after tomorrow, ask her out before 21.12.2012 (possible Doomsday ) and hopefully go on a date with her before Christmas.

If it fails, then I will try the same, but with another woman, starting New Year. But no matter how insane it sounds, I will try to keep say myself that everything will work out and that I won't fail. And if I fail, then I will try again, no matter how often I fail...
Oh god, I'm messing with forces that I can't control ... the dating game.

good idea and good luck.

dating sites are honeysuckle, avoid them !

 

[PyramidHead]

I think it would be better for you, and anyone else on this forum, females included. To get to the point where you have to make a choice on which mate you want. Not the other way around.

Well, to get to that point, I at least have to get that far with a few women. Since I have non at all, it would be nice to make a start. I know that there are guys, who date a lot girls at the same time, but as far as I know, they try to make them all feel, as if they are the only subject of their attention. It's not like "Hey Number 13, how are you today?"
As for guys with a group of females around them.. before I got 20, I do had a lot of female friends, and I can't say that it helped a lot. For them I was "the friend" and I guess most other girls were surely like "He looks good and is with so much girls ... he surely is gay." -_-
Now I have very much female online friends, who one the one side say that I'm one of their best friends and on the other side, rarely speak with me (unless something is the matter) and seem to give a fresia about me the rest of the time.

Still, I think my plan isn't bad. Even if she rejects my offer, I still talked to her first, was brave enough to talk to her. Thats better then waiting for something to come... or online dating.

good idea and good luck.

THANK YOU

 

[Lua]

She likes you? She will wait for you to talk to her or get frustrated if you don't do.

Haha sadly accurate. I only once approached someone I liked... But maybe I don't qualify as the average German girl because I'm shy? I do know a few girls who would initiate a conversation if they're interested in someone.

Well not to crush your hopes.. but if you are aware of her she is likely aware of you. Most guys would say that you would come off as creepy since you waited too long to talk to her. However, you do not know until you try.

Hmm I wouldn't think it's creepy. You don't normally talk to most people at a gym (I think), so not talking to each other initially would seem perfectly normal to me. If someone from my badminton group started talking to me now, it wouldn't seem odd, even though it's already taken place a dozen times. I think it's rather how you do it that makes it creepy or uncreepy. Casually chatting for a while sounds like a good plan to me

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@PyramidHead: True it is not the end all be all. Plenty of guys with no females around can get females, it only helps. You still have to try. After all, girls are not going to come up to you. That is the curse of being a guy. Lots of reading and stuff.

Anyway, focusing on just one female at a time is not something I would do. I mean you run the risk of falling in love with your first success. Then again, you might not. I do not know, I have learned that focusing on just one thing at a time makes you a dull person.

@Lua: Well there are a lot of factors. Generally if a lot of eye contact is made and no social contact is made that is generally a bad thing. Who knows, the gym is one of those odd places.

 

[PyramidHead]

I used my chance today. She left her towel on one of the exercise machines, so I walked up and she kinda noticed that I wanted to use it too. It even is on my exercise plan, so everything was perfect. She told me that she was just taking a little break and I asked if I could use it in her break time. Well, while I worked on it, I introduced myself and said that I saw her around there some times, and kinda asked if she was often there. (Which I actually know already.)

But it seems like it worked. She wasn't freaked out, but answered really friendly. She said that she saw me a few times too, so she seemed kinda curious as well. By the way, I learned that Vera is just her nickname. Her real name is Veronika, but she told me that most people call her Vera.
We even talked a bit more, when I was done and she used it again. Only small talk. But after that, she went on to the next stage, while I still had some rounds to do. But she said that it was fun to talk and "see you". So I guess, or better hope, that I made a good first impression.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Well done man, that's awesome you took the plunge and it worked out, I'm really pleased for you

 

[Lua]

Yay that's awesome!

 

[PyramidHead]

Well done man, that's awesome you took the plunge and it worked out, I'm really pleased for you

Yay that's awesome!

Thanks a lot. I can't say that it was easy, but it went smoother than I imagined. No stuttering, no sounding like a total retard... I was beyond nervous, but I think I kept my poker face.
Well, next stage is to ask her out, but first I need to talk to her a bit more. Hopefully tomorrow, which should be no problem. I always see her on tuesdays.

****, but it really makes me feel exited. She has a really soft voice for such a strong girl. Really cute.

 

[PyramidHead]

Talked to her again today. Even longer than yesterday and she seemed a bit more curious about me. I know know that she actually works as secretary for a small law firm. Actually, the two lawyers who run it are a couple, who made their own firm... sounds nice. But it kinda surprised me, I never imagined her to work in an office-like job.

I guess I will see how the mood is tomorrow. Either ask her out tomorrow or the day after ... I guess she already got that I'm nice, but I don't want to give her too much time to sort me in as "friend".
Guess the chance to die is higher if she actually accepts it. No matter what she does, I will still be scared as hell to ask her.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Now that's some progress...well done again!

 

[PyramidHead]

Today, we talked a bit more than the last days and when we had to split, I really got all courage left in me together and asked her out...
But, even while she told me that it sounds really sweet, she told me that she wouldn't and couldn't. The reason: She has a boyfriend.
Well, I guess it would have been to nice to be true. But at least I tried something I never did before. I guess even while it became a fail, it still was the best that could happen.

Still, success would have been sweeter, but that could still happen... not with her, but with someone else. Sadly, I don't have another girl in mind, so I may wait until next year, before I get back on the battlefield. The time between Christmas and New Year is really stressful, so I better wait until things calm down and the women get relaxed again as well.

 

[duff]

all these stories seem to end with the guy getting knocked back for whatever reason.