aspalas
Well-known member
I haven't posted a lot in the past few months, but everything is going well.
I (finally) graduated from high school, got admitted to one of the best art schools in Europe (the Gerrit Rietveld Academy, Amsterdam), I'm really excited to start next year. Besides that my parents (divorced last year) seem to be doing well, my dad has been suicidal which had a huge negative impact on me but even he is doing well right now (I think, at least I'm not suffering under his "condition" anymore).
The actual reason why I wanted to make this topic is something else (prepare for quite a long story). As some of you might now I had/have quite a big crush on a girl for about 2 years now, but it never worked out. We sometimes chat and I met her a couple of days ago to have a drink. Nothing happened obviously, but we talked and I decided that it would be a good idea to at least be friends, I don't think I'll ever tell her that I still liked her because this could ruin this. I don't want to lose her as a friend because I really cherish our friendship, even tho I accepted the fact that probably nothing ever happens between us, just talking to her makes me feel good. It's hard to explain, but she's very supportive and when I've spoken to her I kind of feel like I've spoken to a psychologist.
As I said, I liked her for about 2 years. I think it might be the first time I was in love, it was more than just a crush. I thought I'd never find a girl that would make me happy, most of you must know the feeling too. Knowing I can't get her is just aweful, and I've barely been intimate with a girl for the past 2 years, and when I was (once or twice) I didn't even like it because what's the point of kissing/having sex when you don't even like the girl. In these 2 years this girl was always on my mind, and even though I tend to convince myself I am attractive and interesting, etc. I just got the feeling I wasn't. Usually when I go out, I look around and I see many guys who probably are way more confident than me, and look way better. I usually act confident, but if you aren't actually confident, people will notice this. Basically I thought I could never find a girl to love, and I wasn't self-confident at all. Until 2 days ago.
Let's start at the beginning. I decided to get a radically different haircut from my usual one, normally it's quite long but now it's pretty short, and I must say it looks great on me. I also bought a lot of nice new clothes and this always makes me feel confident (I usually dress very well, it's one of the few things I'm really confident about).
Last friday there was a semi-illegal "rave" in an appartement building for foreign students in my city, there were about 1000 people. I just had a nice new haircut and nice new clothes, so I felt pretty good. I was there with a friend, and we just chilled and eventually went outside to smoke a cig, when a girl asked me if she could have 2, one for her and a friend of hers who soon joined us. I kind of thought the first girl (let's call her M) looked good and was nice, but she seemed to be more interested in my friend. The other girl wasn't really interesting (let's call her A) at first, although she looked really good. Eventually I got to talk with A, and we actually had a lot in common. She studied spatial design at another art school, we liked the same music, etc. I really enjoyed talking to her, and eventually we kind of seperated from my friend and the other girl (M). We sat down on a couch inside, and she was clearly flirting with me. Even though I didn't intend to seduce her or whatever, it just happened. We kissed and we found our friends (my friend had no succes though). Eventually my friend went home, I decided to stay (the party would go on till 9 a.m. anyway). The other girl (M) went home too, but A stayed.
We talked all night and I realised this was probably the first time in 2 years I was attracted to someone else than this girl I liked for about 2 years. When the party was "over" (almost everyone was gone) we sat down in the sun in front of the building with a small group of other people, I added her on facebook, got her number, and btw, here's a weird detail, her facebook cover photo is a picture of a forgotten soviet monument from this blog http://www.cracktwo.com/2011/04/25-abandoned-soviet-monuments-that-look.html, my cover photo is from the same blog but another monument.
At about 10 a.m. we had breakfast and went home because we both were very tired. This is pretty much where the story ends. I don't really expect anything more from this girl than a fun night (I'll definitely meet up with her again tho), but it really was an eye-opener to me. I realised that this girl I liked for 2 years isn't the only nice girl in the world, and I realised that there's no reason for being insecure about how I look or who I am. This was just the confidence boost I needed, and I made a great new friend.
I (finally) graduated from high school, got admitted to one of the best art schools in Europe (the Gerrit Rietveld Academy, Amsterdam), I'm really excited to start next year. Besides that my parents (divorced last year) seem to be doing well, my dad has been suicidal which had a huge negative impact on me but even he is doing well right now (I think, at least I'm not suffering under his "condition" anymore).
The actual reason why I wanted to make this topic is something else (prepare for quite a long story). As some of you might now I had/have quite a big crush on a girl for about 2 years now, but it never worked out. We sometimes chat and I met her a couple of days ago to have a drink. Nothing happened obviously, but we talked and I decided that it would be a good idea to at least be friends, I don't think I'll ever tell her that I still liked her because this could ruin this. I don't want to lose her as a friend because I really cherish our friendship, even tho I accepted the fact that probably nothing ever happens between us, just talking to her makes me feel good. It's hard to explain, but she's very supportive and when I've spoken to her I kind of feel like I've spoken to a psychologist.
As I said, I liked her for about 2 years. I think it might be the first time I was in love, it was more than just a crush. I thought I'd never find a girl that would make me happy, most of you must know the feeling too. Knowing I can't get her is just aweful, and I've barely been intimate with a girl for the past 2 years, and when I was (once or twice) I didn't even like it because what's the point of kissing/having sex when you don't even like the girl. In these 2 years this girl was always on my mind, and even though I tend to convince myself I am attractive and interesting, etc. I just got the feeling I wasn't. Usually when I go out, I look around and I see many guys who probably are way more confident than me, and look way better. I usually act confident, but if you aren't actually confident, people will notice this. Basically I thought I could never find a girl to love, and I wasn't self-confident at all. Until 2 days ago.
Let's start at the beginning. I decided to get a radically different haircut from my usual one, normally it's quite long but now it's pretty short, and I must say it looks great on me. I also bought a lot of nice new clothes and this always makes me feel confident (I usually dress very well, it's one of the few things I'm really confident about).
Last friday there was a semi-illegal "rave" in an appartement building for foreign students in my city, there were about 1000 people. I just had a nice new haircut and nice new clothes, so I felt pretty good. I was there with a friend, and we just chilled and eventually went outside to smoke a cig, when a girl asked me if she could have 2, one for her and a friend of hers who soon joined us. I kind of thought the first girl (let's call her M) looked good and was nice, but she seemed to be more interested in my friend. The other girl wasn't really interesting (let's call her A) at first, although she looked really good. Eventually I got to talk with A, and we actually had a lot in common. She studied spatial design at another art school, we liked the same music, etc. I really enjoyed talking to her, and eventually we kind of seperated from my friend and the other girl (M). We sat down on a couch inside, and she was clearly flirting with me. Even though I didn't intend to seduce her or whatever, it just happened. We kissed and we found our friends (my friend had no succes though). Eventually my friend went home, I decided to stay (the party would go on till 9 a.m. anyway). The other girl (M) went home too, but A stayed.
We talked all night and I realised this was probably the first time in 2 years I was attracted to someone else than this girl I liked for about 2 years. When the party was "over" (almost everyone was gone) we sat down in the sun in front of the building with a small group of other people, I added her on facebook, got her number, and btw, here's a weird detail, her facebook cover photo is a picture of a forgotten soviet monument from this blog http://www.cracktwo.com/2011/04/25-abandoned-soviet-monuments-that-look.html, my cover photo is from the same blog but another monument.
At about 10 a.m. we had breakfast and went home because we both were very tired. This is pretty much where the story ends. I don't really expect anything more from this girl than a fun night (I'll definitely meet up with her again tho), but it really was an eye-opener to me. I realised that this girl I liked for 2 years isn't the only nice girl in the world, and I realised that there's no reason for being insecure about how I look or who I am. This was just the confidence boost I needed, and I made a great new friend.
