JoeVegas
Active member
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2009
- Messages
- 26
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imin a bad mood tonight. worse than usual and thats saying somethig. all my tread tonights are me mad and complaining and im sorry but now ive had sme drinks and im ready to pass out but first ill rant a lil more.
the only two moods i know are really angry or really sad. neither are any fun and neither really show any kind of side of me. for so long ive been this way that its hard to remember the kind of person i think i am. my false fissad in public infects me. i am not me. the front i put up is a culmination of all the things i think are accepable. its very convincing. so much so that the person that i am is a stranger to me and in private i despise him so. im fueled by the thoughs of my past. muttering along on the fumes of a prior life. its so unhealthy yet i grasp to these thing and hope one day it ends me. alone, all i think of is her. i remember. i remember how i used to put my hand around the side of her face when i held her close. that faint lil smile she had when my fingers carressed down below her ear to the back of her jaw. she was the pefect fit for me. her smile melted any part of me that could have ever been cold. god how i miss her.the trobbing painof seperationg over the years have numbed, just as everything i am has numbed. the gaping whole that is is me is wrapped in this sickenig fissad. i honested hope no one falls for it. if were to be embraced by anyone i feel the fake shell may shatter leaving the unlucky one grasping at nothing. and honest to god, its been so long now i have doubts she even exists. all this pain may just be me hurting me. i may have just made her up to hurt myself. not in the literal sense, i know shes real, but i dont honestly know if my memories are as real as i make them. i dont know.
hopefull everyone sees this wall of typos and scrolls right though it. im done. ill go try and sleep now. ;_;
under lifes compression
im faced with my depression
yet i never learn my lesson
the only two moods i know are really angry or really sad. neither are any fun and neither really show any kind of side of me. for so long ive been this way that its hard to remember the kind of person i think i am. my false fissad in public infects me. i am not me. the front i put up is a culmination of all the things i think are accepable. its very convincing. so much so that the person that i am is a stranger to me and in private i despise him so. im fueled by the thoughs of my past. muttering along on the fumes of a prior life. its so unhealthy yet i grasp to these thing and hope one day it ends me. alone, all i think of is her. i remember. i remember how i used to put my hand around the side of her face when i held her close. that faint lil smile she had when my fingers carressed down below her ear to the back of her jaw. she was the pefect fit for me. her smile melted any part of me that could have ever been cold. god how i miss her.the trobbing painof seperationg over the years have numbed, just as everything i am has numbed. the gaping whole that is is me is wrapped in this sickenig fissad. i honested hope no one falls for it. if were to be embraced by anyone i feel the fake shell may shatter leaving the unlucky one grasping at nothing. and honest to god, its been so long now i have doubts she even exists. all this pain may just be me hurting me. i may have just made her up to hurt myself. not in the literal sense, i know shes real, but i dont honestly know if my memories are as real as i make them. i dont know.
hopefull everyone sees this wall of typos and scrolls right though it. im done. ill go try and sleep now. ;_;
under lifes compression
im faced with my depression
yet i never learn my lesson
