Expressing attraction

[I.O.]

I cannot express attraction in any way. I can talk for hours candidly about anything, but I'm completely unable to tell someone I like them. I don't know why, I always seem to think it would be rude. Most of the time I feel disgusted at the fact that I could be attracted to someone, like I'm being selfish or crude. So I just talk, and carry on, and for all rights and purposes probably appear as if I'm not interested in them whatsoever. It's frustrating, to say the least. And because I don't really appear as a shy person, it seems unlikely that anyone would pick up on this.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

If you can't say it, show it, in your body language. Maybe buy them a slurpee or some stupid little thing when you go to the store together. Give them those eyes at the right moment, when you both say something that comes off that way. Give them good hugs, but not too long and creepy, just really genuine. You don't always have to say it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Flirting is an important skill, but if you're already talking for hours with someone, then you quite possibly have already been friendzoned.

 

[edgecrusher]

this is an issue for me too. i have such terrible anxiety when it comes to this. its so hard for me to say or show that i am interested. i dont even know why. i just cant do it. its like its beyond my control.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Flirting is an important skill, but if you're already talking for hours with someone, then you quite possibly have already been friendzoned.

Not true... Talking to someone means you're learning them, or trying to. You can talk for months, for years, and end up being with the person.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Not true... Talking to someone means you're learning them, or trying to. You can talk for months, for years, and end up being with the person.

Its possible. But not likely. Its also possibly a great way to waste a lot of time if you're pining for someone and end up talking to her instead of looking for someone esle more receptive.

In my experience, most relationships that I have been in happen after a month after I get to know someone on a deeper emotional basis. I think people settle into 'roles' and after the roles are cemented, changing them is uncomfortable and awkward. Exceptions apply whenever there's a dramatic incident in one person's life or another. And I think, attraction is a fairly fast thing.

And the best way, imo, to show that you have interesti n someone is to send out 'feelers' to test their feelings /if/ you were attracted to them. Complimenting their appearance, for example, or suggesting that you spend more time together alone - basically notice if they respond favorably, or pull away faster. If done innocently enough, you can also make it so that you aren't actually interested in them, minimizing awkwardness.

 

[I.O.]

I usually develop feelings towards people I've known for a while, even a long time. How does one possibly advance such a relationship? Basically you're just hoping they have also become interested in you.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I usually develop feelings towards people I've known for a while, even a long time. How does one possibly advance such a relationship? Basically you're just hoping they have also become interested in you.

There's no playbook on that, but as I noted above, the odds are usually against you since people feel comfortable once roles have been cemented.

Basically, for one, yes, you're just hoping.

Realistically, if you sense out feelers and they're not receptive, move on or wait until they've had a break-up or otherwise have just had reason to doubt their judgment of people, since they might also evaluate you differently then.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I usually develop feelings towards people I've known for a while, even a long time. How does one possibly advance such a relationship? Basically you're just hoping they have also become interested in you.

That's basically what I did. I refuse to tell anyone that I like them. I just waited for him to say it, and then it just happened. We've known each other for about two years now already, and we had been talking one-on-one on Skype for about a half a year.

I wouldn't suggest forcing it, or trying to find someone else who "seems more receptive" because you also don't know how they feel, just as you aren't expressing yourself. You can't assume they aren't interested just because they don't say. It would be a shame to walk away because of words unspoken. It would be better to know for sure - as in them telling you that they're not - then to walk away wondering "what if..." with that person.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

When ur a stud and sexy like me., its relitively easy for me to attract women. Women make thenselve avaliable to me all the time.

I do come off as stuck u p to some women I m interested in.
So...knowing this myself . I know certain women arnt going to be interest in e and pretty much give out the same signals as I would to women Im not interested in.
Yes..yes without being rude. I do tend to remove myslef of women Im not interested me or make myself unavaliable mentally and emotionally.

Even if she strikes a comversation with me.

Giving signals...
Generally theres that staiir or I know women thats attracted to me will check me out . I look back to give her confirmations. "I caught u looking but its ok"....
then just simple small talk. No pick up lines...We.re beyound that stage. BODY CONTACT. Women thats interested in me will start fllirting with me. Shell make excuse for me to touch her. Show me her jewllery such as her rings ....Ask me to look at her earings closer...

 

[trZ]

I agree with Skuffie, show it. In my opinion, saying to someone you like them is absolutely useless. It doesn't make them like you any more, so just show it with your actions and let them make up their mind instead of making it awkward.

And yeah you probably shouldn't be talking with girls forever (you're a guy right?), as in, hours, because #1 friend zone is closing in, and #2 mystery is in your favor. If you want a romantic relationship with someone, until you are in the "date scenario", you shouldn't be spending too much time talking with the girl.
VanillaCreme: Yes, that is certainly true, but in most cases the girl simply gets bored and/or the boy screws up in some way or another. Talking a lot in the early stages (or before it has even begun!) is, more often than not, a problem.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I also wear a silver braclet or sometype of braclet. This simple item give women excuse to touch me...theyll ask me about it or ask me to llook at it closer...bascially hold me hand..

Some women will actually sit side by side with me...slight knee or legs contact at fist. Shell actaully start taping my kness or legs as shes talking or cracking jokes with me
.then her shoulder will actaully touch mine...shes really in my space Now.. Real close up conversation in your face . She leans into me.
I touch back of course...repore. Like playing tennis....back and forth.

Some women will even hold my hand and press it on their chest

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As far as picking up women at bars or night clubs....Ill either ask her striagth up for her number. Maybe a dance or Ill make small talk with her...let her hang with her friends
or other guys making asses out of theselve.....
At the end of the night shell either approch me again...ask me to go home with her or ask me to call her...or give me her number or ask me to go hang out...we go from there.
Thats my stratagic..
No one knows Im going home with her except her..

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These are all in the first encounters or the first time I met or get to know a woman....

No deep personal talks...We.re not that deep into it yet....

If the relationship continue..then yeah we can talk about personal matters...her hopes. Dreams, goals., beliefs...etc..etc..etc.

Yes..very true. Ive been in the friend zone before...Its a waste of my time and Im not her emotional tampon...
I no longer waste my time getting string alone and lets be fireends first.....
I have friends...When Im looking a lover...Im looking for a lover. I Let it be known. Its fair for both parties and we both know what were dealing with. Honesty. its not a guessing game.

 

[freedom]

maybe it's not that you're uncapable of expressing yourself, but that on some level you choose not to express yourself.

there's this really cute girl that i know that i would LOVE to just take out on a date and have some wild sex with in the end (because i like her), but i'm not about to tell her what i feel because....

what i'm saying is, i'm confident that you're able to express yourself. i mean, you're not a robot, so why can't you? you're probably just neglecting to express yourself because you've got some other reason.

maybe you really are a shy guy.

just my two cents.

 

[the-alchemist]

I have this exact same problem when it comes to girls. Boy, when I think of all the opportunities I've messed up because of this problem. The roots of which can be traced to my messed up childhood

 

[happyman]

I agree. No way in hell I would just tell someone I like them!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Touching is a good way to express attraction, given the situation.

You need to get over the issues you have with being attracted to someone before you will really be able to express attraction.