Facing life on my own

[AimeeLou84]

I've just split up with my boyfriend and I am so scared at the moment.I don't have any friends or any family,I feel like I'm unlovable and I feel completely worthless.The worst thing about it is I'd booked a romantic weekend away hoping it could make things a little better between us.

The story is I've been living with my ex for 2 years now and I'm a secret.His friends and family know nothing about me.When he went on holiday for a week I ended up finding out he talked to his ex quite a lot.Sometimes it was up to 15 text messages a day yet he claimed he hated her and had nothing to do with her.Then I found out he had gone to a club,got a girls number and had texted her the same amount of times as his ex.He claims he can't remember her.So both those secrets ruined my trust in him,along with the secrecy thing.

Now six months on I've just found out he's lied to me about girl mates that he has.He told me he didn't talk to them anymore but this one girl he talked to has sent him pictures of herself to his phone and he claims there is nothing in it.He doesn't understand how much that lie destroyed me after everything.Now I know I won't trust him again and he was the only person in the world I had.He's told me he doesn't know what he wants anymore.

So now I am so scared.I took quite a lot of sleeping tablets earlier and they didn't do anything.But I'm just so scared of being completely alone.I have nowhere to go and I'm just feeling so hurt that I was lied to and I have no self esteem left anymore.I'm just in so much pain right now and there's nobody I can talk to or who can be there for me.

Sorry for venting,I just needed to write down how I feel.

 

[Minus]

He sounds totally untrust worthy and was leaving you out of so much of his life. While going off on your own after that long can be scary you will be better off in the long run. Unfortunately it usually takes time to adjust to the change in your life. Hopefully you have some way of putting yourself around people.

 

[Nyktimos]

AimeeLou, I know it doesn't feel like it right now but the problem is with him, not you. It sounds as though he wasn't commited to the relationship from the beginning. He says now that he doesn't know what he wants? From the sound of it he never did.

I've enjoyed reading your posts and you seem like an insightful, caring person. It's hard when you've invested so much into someone who throws it back in your face, but not everyone will do that. Take a little time, try to involve yourself with friends, learn again that you can connect with people without him holding you back. Don't feel you are to blame. You are a complete person without him.

Hugs

 

[Unacceptance]

If one person cared about you, others will. Simple logic. You aren't unlovable, you just got mixed up with someone who was unloving.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sorry to hear that Aimee. Yes, writting is very helpful.
Vent away.....

Just know the feelings will pass. And don't think you're crazy either...
Yes it's going to be a roller coaster for a while.

I remember breaking up with my ex..I lived with her for so long I forgot how it was to be well.
I didn't have any friends at that time either. Yeap it was like i was her secret.
No one was made welcome to come visit us anymore..I had less and less freinds as the relationship went on.

I was so afriad of living alone. I couldn't even think straight half of the time.
I had a constant headache and fever all the time. When I was living with her.

I went for a walk and a lost puppy followed me home the day we seperated. I really needed that.
I also knew..I was in a safe place and I wasn't going to hurt myself.

I started taking care of myself...That little boy or child inside of me.
Some people term that as "your inner child". It was a process of loving myself.
The more I love that child..the more I feel love for myself..the more selfesteem came back to me.

In that light. A part of me knew I wanted to get well....

It's ok to cry ..it's okay to hurt.

Please remember...it's still your FEELINGS....as strong and powerful as they are.
You are not you're feelings.
You can dive into your feelings and brace it, process it,accept it..(cry, feel angery..etc) ..eventually you're get through the other side.

You can chose to drop it and let go of your feelings of fears.

Just keep reaching out. Talk to people. Don't keep it all inside of you.

Go outside as much as you can..this will give you're mind a break and a different environment.
Try to find an open space.

 

[Naleena]

Aimee,
The first question is do you have a place to stay? Do you have a car to drive yourself around and money to survive? That is the first thing that needs to be taken care of. If the answer is yes, then good. If not go and seek help. Before you allow yourself to do deal with the deciet and hurt, you need to take care of your physical needs.
I only ask these questions, that you do not need to answer here, because I realize how people move in with each other and that becomes a problem in such situations. First and foremost, take care of you.

It's strange how that we love people and we see things in them that arent right, and we tend to ignore them or make excuses for them. It is apparent he hasn't treated you the way a man should treat the woman he is in love with. He apparently doesn't treat other women well either. DO you really want him? Is he worthy of your heart? Could you spend the rest of your life as a secret? See the video below.
[youtube]kQBB7bfi9wo[/youtube]