MindsArmor
Member
Hello, I’ve been wanting to write something, anything really on this forum, I don't know if I really want a topic of my own, but since I can’t really get myself to write anything anywhere else, I might as well talk a bit about myself I guess.
When I joined this forum a little while ago I was feeling really terrible, and I was feeling worse every day. Though nothing did improve I’ve calmed down now. It’s a pattern in my life. Sometimes I just get fed up with my life and try to fix it. I spend a lot of time thinking and writing things down on what I can do. But in the end thinking about life is what depresses me. I’m trapped in an endless circle of emptiness and loneliness. After months of thinking I always come up with the same conclusion. There is only one way to deal with this. Accept it, and so eventually I fall back into the stage of acceptance. I try to spend as little time possible thinking, and just “waste” my time with video game. It’s not that I particularly feel like playing games, it’s just that I still prefer them over other things and I wouldn’t know what else to do anyways. Though there is still frustration in defeat there is little satisfaction in victory. Only rarely will I ever play a game that can make me feel motivated and makes me feel good.
I’m basically an empty person. There is nothing I really like anymore, and there is nothing I really do. I look at this forum and read a lot of topics, but I have nothing to say, there is nothing I can or feel like sharing. It’s not like I’m shy or afraid to write my opinion about things, I just don’t really have an opinion. And really I feel for everyone here who is struggling with life, I wish everyone all the best, but I really don’t have any idea what I could write to support or help you.
Sure saying there is nothing I like is a little bit exaggerated, but the truth is I don’t like a whole lot. For every movie I like you will probably be able to name 10 movies you like, for every band I listen to you will find 5 bands you like. Even on things that I “like” I’m way more selective then other people. When you don’t really have something in common with anyone else, it becomes a lot more difficult to talk to people.
But even with common subjects I can’t really talk well. Just small talk about the news and the weather and “how are you” really is even worse. So overall I’m bad at conversations. In a way I don’t even like talking. It’s a bit contradictory, I feel lonely and want to talk to people, but in a way I don’t because my conversations go nowhere anyways.
I just can’t get out. No interest -> no common topics -> no subjects to talk about -> no talking -> no friends. I’ve actually got 2 friends lefts, who have been friends for a quite a while now. It's not like I see or talk to them a lot but I guess some people must be able to find something that Is good/interesting about me, why else would they still bother, there are plenty of more social and interesting people in the world, I’m sure I’m about the most difficult person to talk to they know.
I have no idea where I’m going with this. There is no question or real conclusion here. I just decided to post this as I’ve made several attempts to make a more dramatic topic while I was in a somewhat more depressive state (I always ended up just deleting the word documents and not posting them…). This is just my vision on my situation. Sometimes all you can do is accept that you can’t get out right now, all you can do is wait for an opportunity and take it when comes. I just have to keep hoping that this opportunity will one day present itself to me, that I will see it when it arrives and that I will be able to use it to bring about a change.
This was probably more of a diary thing post, but I kinda want people to be able to comment on it. Maybe some conversation or something will happen.
When I joined this forum a little while ago I was feeling really terrible, and I was feeling worse every day. Though nothing did improve I’ve calmed down now. It’s a pattern in my life. Sometimes I just get fed up with my life and try to fix it. I spend a lot of time thinking and writing things down on what I can do. But in the end thinking about life is what depresses me. I’m trapped in an endless circle of emptiness and loneliness. After months of thinking I always come up with the same conclusion. There is only one way to deal with this. Accept it, and so eventually I fall back into the stage of acceptance. I try to spend as little time possible thinking, and just “waste” my time with video game. It’s not that I particularly feel like playing games, it’s just that I still prefer them over other things and I wouldn’t know what else to do anyways. Though there is still frustration in defeat there is little satisfaction in victory. Only rarely will I ever play a game that can make me feel motivated and makes me feel good.
I’m basically an empty person. There is nothing I really like anymore, and there is nothing I really do. I look at this forum and read a lot of topics, but I have nothing to say, there is nothing I can or feel like sharing. It’s not like I’m shy or afraid to write my opinion about things, I just don’t really have an opinion. And really I feel for everyone here who is struggling with life, I wish everyone all the best, but I really don’t have any idea what I could write to support or help you.
Sure saying there is nothing I like is a little bit exaggerated, but the truth is I don’t like a whole lot. For every movie I like you will probably be able to name 10 movies you like, for every band I listen to you will find 5 bands you like. Even on things that I “like” I’m way more selective then other people. When you don’t really have something in common with anyone else, it becomes a lot more difficult to talk to people.
But even with common subjects I can’t really talk well. Just small talk about the news and the weather and “how are you” really is even worse. So overall I’m bad at conversations. In a way I don’t even like talking. It’s a bit contradictory, I feel lonely and want to talk to people, but in a way I don’t because my conversations go nowhere anyways.
I just can’t get out. No interest -> no common topics -> no subjects to talk about -> no talking -> no friends. I’ve actually got 2 friends lefts, who have been friends for a quite a while now. It's not like I see or talk to them a lot but I guess some people must be able to find something that Is good/interesting about me, why else would they still bother, there are plenty of more social and interesting people in the world, I’m sure I’m about the most difficult person to talk to they know.
I have no idea where I’m going with this. There is no question or real conclusion here. I just decided to post this as I’ve made several attempts to make a more dramatic topic while I was in a somewhat more depressive state (I always ended up just deleting the word documents and not posting them…). This is just my vision on my situation. Sometimes all you can do is accept that you can’t get out right now, all you can do is wait for an opportunity and take it when comes. I just have to keep hoping that this opportunity will one day present itself to me, that I will see it when it arrives and that I will be able to use it to bring about a change.
This was probably more of a diary thing post, but I kinda want people to be able to comment on it. Maybe some conversation or something will happen.