Fear

[user 190848]

Anyone on here a veteran that I could talk to? My husband is a veteran. Consumed by news world events doomsday prepping. I cannot change him. Only me. I know polyvagal theory. Know how to calm myself. Reached critical mass today. Trying to work on living with someone who expects and look for signs of 2nd civil war. I know things in the world are bad full of trauma. I can no longer live in fear or reach out to him for reassurance. Thank you. Yes I have ptsd. He does to but will not acknowledge.

 

[okidoke]

I'm not a military veteran, but I am a retired cop with PTSD and long term depression since I was a kid.

Sounds stressful, but the first thing I'd ask is, what are the negative aspects of his obsession? Is what he's doing actually hurting anyone? Perhaps you're being neglected, treated poorly etc, and that needs addressing, otherwise, maybe just let him do what he feels is reassuring to him?

Consider reaching out to a mental health professional, therapist, or counselor. They can provide guidance on how to cope with the challenges you're facing and help you develop strategies for self-care. If your husband is open to it, couples counseling could also be beneficial.

If your husband is willing, encourage open and honest communication about your concerns and feelings. Express how his focus on doomsday scenarios is affecting you and your mental health. It may be helpful to express your desire for a balanced and positive outlook on life.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm not a veteran or a first responder or anything like that, nor do I have PTSD, but I did get into a similar problem of believing it was the end of the world (and before that, intense phobia of diseases), and getting carried away with it to the point where I lost the plot of my actual life. I got so consumed with this stuff that I didn't do what I was supposed to be doing, and I am still recovering from it and trying to catch up, even though it was years ago now.

I wish that instead of panicking and letting my emotions get the better of me, that I had instead calmly, rationally looked around, saw that other people were not worried, taken a moment to remind myself that I'm not an expert or the smartest person in the room and therefore don't have all the answers and that just because I haven't seen an answer doesn't mean that no one else has or that there isn't one, and just done what everyone else was doing/what I was supposed to do, instead of letting fear hijack my life.

I wish I had thought, giving up on life because of what I was afraid of would have been like someone in the generations before mine giving up on life out of fear of nuclear war, saying building a life is pointless, we're just going to get nuked any time now, maybe today tomorrow next year but it's going to happen, might as well quit. But that never happened, and we're still here, and a lot of the people that ignored the news and carried on like nothing was wrong all throughout the Cold War and just lived their lives, turned out just fine, and had a lot of good times.

I really regret all the time I wasted on this phobia and end-of-the-world crap, when my life could still have been very happy for a while yet. It pains me to this day.

While I don't have advice to give on your situation, I can empathize with this all-consuming fear of the end of the world and being convinced that it's going to happen, and what a terrible waste it all turns out to be, to spend your life worrying about it. I hope for all of your sakes that your husband snaps out of it, and you can both get back to enjoying your lives again.

 

[user 190848]

I'm not a military veteran, but I am a retired cop with PTSD and long term depression since I was a kid.

Sounds stressful, but the first thing I'd ask is, what are the negative aspects of his obsession? Is what he's doing actually hurting anyone? Perhaps you're being neglected, treated poorly etc, and that needs addressing, otherwise, maybe just let him do what he feels is reassuring to him?

Consider reaching out to a mental health professional, therapist, or counselor. They can provide guidance on how to cope with the challenges you're facing and help you develop strategies for self-care. If your husband is open to it, couples counseling could also be beneficial.

If your husband is willing, encourage open and honest communication about your concerns and feelings. Express how his focus on doomsday scenarios is affecting you and your mental health. It may be helpful to express your desire for a balanced and positive outlook on life.

Thank you okidote. The harm is to me. I have at this time lost hope my purpose in life. I have had many other issues to deal with besides this. He wanted me to learn to use firearms and think like him. He has had similar issues with his parents. He will not enter couples counseling. I am back in therapy myself. When he talks doomsday scenario I go into flight fear fawn. I do have a seizure risk and too much stress can cause one. I am a retired nurse. Was RN. I also do not feel safe right now. I do have a stun gun tried to learn about firearms from him. It was too much unrealistic expecting. I feel like a failure and I let him down. He really is too much when he talks about it. He sees his viewpoint as factual everyone else's is wrong. He needs to continue doing his hypervigilance it does seem to reassure him. We both - sometimes especially me- react in anger especially with me feeling overwhelmed . Sometimes life is too much. What I see with me now is I have to pull away from this. The cycles of fight flight fear fawn are wearing me out. Plus during this political mess people are extreme polarized. I know all cognitive distortions. I do not think or reason like others. Thank you. Your post helps. I like calming music quiet diy home decor pinterest. I hug my dogs- they are documented ESAs. I had to tell him we need to agree to disagree and can we just let this go. Plus even though things are not good in the world what if it does not end in doomsday and some of us are here to make it better be part of the solution not the problem

 

[okidoke]

Have you confided in him how his actions make you feel? And if so, how does he respond to that? Is he willing to lose you for the sake of his ideals? Are you willing to let him go for your own well-being? Decisions have to be made otherwise the scene can only get worse for you. I wish you luck.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I was reminded of a lecture given by Carl Jung.

May inner peace, understanding, and liberation from fear, find you both @Dani2021