Feel dead inside

[KevP83]

Hi im kevin,

I dunno why im ere, if anything to unload my negative thoughts.

I had high hopes for this year, i was nearly finished college, which meant a pay rise, i was chatting to this girl, n got real close, and i had joined a gym and was keeping myself in great shape. this was the year i said to myself i would get my life back on track

But instead of going onto bigger n better things, i feel my world is collasping around me again, and much worse than i experienced before.

Ive been suffering from depression now for 5 years, but in the last 2 where ive been excersizing regularly, it finally seemed like it was lifting, i was becoming more confident and believing in my abilities and looking to the future.

but now even with the excersize, all the cracks that appeared before now seem to crumbling peice by peice and in big chunks.

I finished college, and im proud of that, but instead of leading me to better things at work, its done the opposite its lead to nothing. (im a technician for my local council in transportation, studied hnc in construction) I have very little or no work to do and if i do get work its really mundane. the other staff are catching onto this and its starting to cause bad feeling, and even tho its not my fault, im the one who looks bad, im portrayed as this lasy waster who does nothing all day. Im willing to work and i do my best with anything im giving, and im always there to offer a hand, but i get no respect.

Me being at college i guess covered these cracks, because when i hadnt anything to do, i had college assignments.

So work life aint great, as u can see, and im scared that im gonna lose my job, and truth be told, its really all ive got keeping me together, that n excersize.

Because personally my life is just as bad, im lonely and spend every night locked in my room in my parents house. with the except of going to the gym, or to attend something like a haircut or the doctors etc.

I have only one friend in this world, and hes great but hes 3 times my age, and hes got his own life and we just dont match.

I just feel dead, i dont know where to turn, or what to do.

People just think im wierd or boring, and dont want anything to do with me. I guessed im doomed to a life of lonelyness and depression

 

[james]

I too feel the same, happiness i cannot find & nothing seems to satisfy.. i m afraid to take any goal or aim for it never gets fulfilled.. slowly i feel i spirit dying inside... i live for i ve no great reason to die... i thought of even killing myself but it doesnot solve the problem.. wat if in my next life i become worse...

 

[keeper]

I too feel the same, happiness i cannot find & nothing seems to satisfy.. i m afraid to take any goal or aim for it never gets fulfilled.. slowly i feel i spirit dying inside... i live for i ve no great reason to die... i thought of even killing myself but it doesnot solve the problem.. wat if in my next life i become worse...

I've lived a similar situation as you, Kevin. I've felt the same for a while. I've been struggling against depression for one/two years or more. I just want to tell you my experience.
The greatest thing i've learnt during this long time is that the first thing to do is to go out of that room. I used to spend a lot of time locked up in that room too, but now i see that the more i remain there the less i feel happy. No matter where you go, no matter what you do at the beginning: just open the door. Outside you'll find for sure things will change.
Good luck!

 

[obkb]

i was depressed for most of my life. If you look at most things, they are boring, even the coolest jobs become routine. You will never find happiness in your room unless you pick up some REALLY interesting reading material and get some interests outside fo you pain. But when in pain we cannot see beyond it. You have to look at what it is you are expecting and desperately wanting and become it...no one, no relationship will save you. ever.

and I bet  people don't think you are weird...plus people secretly love weird people. we all want to be accepted and connected. people understand you more than you think. feeling depressed tricks us into feeling totally alone.

have you seen "the secret" ...

have you looked for things that do make you happy (we all have, i know, but this entails really asking yourself what happiness is)? the world is absolutely magical when you find interests outside of people...relationships are important too, but relationships based on pain, depression and loneliness only lead right back to that after the initial joy of being accepted wears off


people with the biggest expectations suffer the worst disappointments

 

[sweetpatience]

I too suffer from depression and I know what you feel...It's so easy to get in a rut and get down on yourself....we can be there for eachother ..the people here at lonelylife are totally cool and understanding..we allseem to have a lot in common....would'nt it be so cool if by some magic we could all like hang out together and like we could all give big hugs and kisses and we could just be good friends....too bad we are all over the world..far away...but we are together in spirit ......so anyway I send you my best wishes and hopes for a better life for you and yes you do deserve it......please believe it.. you are precious....

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Kev,

I guess everyone here is depressed? I don't know if loneliness causes depression or depression causes loneliness. Why do you give a rat's arse about what your coworkers think? They don't matter!

 

[almy]

I feel the same way :-( but think about the positive things in life maybe go for a walk n talk to ppl

Hi im kevin,

I dunno why im ere, if anything to unload my negative thoughts.

I had high hopes for this year, i was nearly finished college, which meant a pay rise, i was chatting to this girl, n got real close, and i had joined a gym and was keeping myself in great shape. this was the year i said to myself i would get my life back on track

But instead of going onto bigger n better things, i feel my world is collasping around me again, and much worse than i experienced before.

Ive been suffering from depression now for 5 years, but in the last 2 where ive been excersizing regularly, it finally seemed like it was lifting, i was becoming more confident and believing in my abilities and looking to the future.

but now even with the excersize, all the cracks that appeared before now seem to crumbling peice by peice and in big chunks.

I finished college, and im proud of that, but instead of leading me to better things at work, its done the opposite its lead to nothing. (im a technician for my local council in transportation, studied hnc in construction) I have very little or no work to do and if i do get work its really mundane. the other staff are catching onto this and its starting to cause bad feeling, and even tho its not my fault, im the one who looks bad, im portrayed as this lasy waster who does nothing all day. Im willing to work and i do my best with anything im giving, and im always there to offer a hand, but i get no respect.

Me being at college i guess covered these cracks, because when i hadnt anything to do, i had college assignments.

So work life aint great, as u can see, and im scared that im gonna lose my job, and truth be told, its really all ive got keeping me together, that n excersize.

Because personally my life is just as bad, im lonely and spend every night locked in my room in my parents house. with the except of going to the gym, or to attend something like a haircut or the doctors etc.

I have only one friend in this world, and hes great but hes 3 times my age, and hes got his own life and we just dont match.

I just feel dead, i dont know where to turn, or what to do.

People just think im wierd or boring, and dont want anything to do with me. I guessed im doomed to a life of lonelyness and depression

 

[urbanloner69]

your not alone i feel dead inside every f*cking day! :club::club::club:

 

[happyman]

Why the hell do you feel the need to bring up a 4 year old thread??