feeling desperate about work

[Haz]

So i've been getting into a certain pattern of thought recently, where i'm afraid that if I lose my job it is the end for me.

I've spent years unemployed living in a small town, and I was extremely lucky to get the job I have. I'm starting to lose my grip on it, although I am improving in many ways the way it always seems to go with jobs I have is that eventually it becomes apparent to the employers that i'm not up to scratch enough and have to be let go. I'm afraid of this, i've always been something of a misfit and I don't think I could bear coming to terms with the fact i'll probably never fit in anywhere as a professional.

I keep fantasising about just running away from it all and just disappearing after I get sacked as if it is almost a certainty, thoughts of suicide come to mind as well as I don't think I could stomach another lengthy period of unemployment living here with no friends. This affects my work performance, as I just can't stop feeling pessimistic about the whole situation and well, I just can't overcome this sometimes. Advice?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Do you always have the same issue, no matter where you're employed?
Perhaps you don't understand what expectations that your employers actually have?
Knowing what is required is a huge part of being able to do the job that you've been assigned. If you don't know exactly what's required of you, you are bound to have a difficult time or fail at it entirely. Perhaps you could talk to your supervisor, manager, of whatever and ask them about goals, or what exactly they expect of you. I'm not saying that it will solve your problems, but at least you might be able to better examine yourself and your own performance at work.
I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. I hope things improve soon!

 

[Haz]

Well, I know what level of professionalism is expected of me. Most of the time I achieve it, just whenever I botch up a task I am given no matter how slightly I start feeling sore at myself. This snowballs into a mood of negativity, which leads to further little accidents occurring.

Communication can be an issue, sometimes I get the impression my boss is angry when its just his hurried way of speaking to people. It can seem rude, but I try not to take it to heart anymore. I've spoken to him a number of times about my performance, and he is aware I am making a strong effort to improve.

Maybe i'm just worried about nothing... I am doing well. It's just that I keep feeling i'm not doing well enough, maybe I am setting myself unrealistic standards. All I know is if that safety net of job security was taken away, I don't know if I could trust myself.

 

[Badjedidude]

You could always run away and join a monastary.

That's my problem with homeless/jobless people. Many of them DON'T EVEN TRY. They just give up. There are PLENTY of things that a homeless/jobless person can do to survive (and even thrive). PLENTY.

Join the circus. Steal a guitar and go around busking. Collect stray animals on a contractual basis for a large city (they have pounds, but large cities also hire freelance animal control people). Start preaching about FSM on the street corners and ask for change. Search out a socialist-community housing program, where you work in the orchard/fields and live there free (they do exist, but be careful to make sure it's not a cult! )

It all may sound silly, but honestly... losing your job or home is NOT the worst thing that can happen to you. Losing your will and nerve to LIVE is the worst thing that can happen to you. If you just keep working at making your situation better, you'll be fine!

 

[maemae]

I agree with running away, maybe not to a monastery..
but honestly just get a train ticket
if you cant get/ keep a job move somewhere with more jobs
its not worth getting down over a job, a job is just a way to make money, its not the be all and end all.
Sorry if this is like tough love but you have to put you have to see you will be fine, and life will carry on. Theres so much out there, weather its another job, or hobbies, okay it gunna take work but isn't your happyness worth that.
I lost my "dream" job, and yeah it was awful, but these things happen and yea its an opinion to think its the end of the world, but its not, this things are sent to test us and in the end they make you stronger.
You will be able to make it, believe me losing a job sucks but there will be other opportunities for you, its not the only job in the world, and you shouldnt be so hard on yourself.
Goodluck xx

 

[Haz]

Thankyou

Losing your will and nerve to LIVE is the worst thing that can happen to you. If you just keep working at making your situation better, you'll be fine!

This is true. I'm being ridiculous... I may end up relocating someday if I need to make money but keeping an equilibrium of happiness is more important then worrying about that being a potential eventuality.