hellostarlight
Active member
not entirely sure why i'm posting this.. maybe just because i don't know who to talk to/what to say..
when i try my best my family dont believe me and say they know better even though they dont even remember how old i am let alone how im feeling, when i reach out for help i get told to get over it and stop wallowing in self pity, after achieving something no matter how big or small its never good enough even if it was near impossible for me to do, when i confront them on it im just exaggerating and playing the victim, when i try to hide away because nothing i say or do is right im just avoiding my problems and being lazy and bringing it on myself and thats why im so depressed in the first place..
i kind of have friends? but i cant talk to them about anything they just freeze up and change the subject. i made online friends but they have no commitments to me of course, they have real lives to attend to and theyre supposed to be friends not a place to dump my issues. never really had a boyfriend and im definitely in no state to have one now..
on a waiting list for a new type of therapy but god knows when ill get that plus been having counselling and therapy for years and yep im no better if anything im worse lol. not to say it doesnt work for others or that its bad or anything though.
every day is a fight really.. i cut and starve and choke myself into near unconsciousness because its the only way to stop myself from killing myself but im wondering whats the point :/ even my family say im a burden and its true, i genuinely am a burden i spend most of my life hurting myself to stay alive what good is that to anyone really. my brain is a mess i cant sleep eat socialize i dont really have hobbies anymore.. i feel empty.
sorry for dumping this on here but i feel lost.. its like i dont actually want to die i want life to get better and look back on this as just a horrible start but the pressure and stress is only getting worse and its too much for me to handle
i know this all sounds really pathetic and i guess it is.. i feel stuck.
when i try my best my family dont believe me and say they know better even though they dont even remember how old i am let alone how im feeling, when i reach out for help i get told to get over it and stop wallowing in self pity, after achieving something no matter how big or small its never good enough even if it was near impossible for me to do, when i confront them on it im just exaggerating and playing the victim, when i try to hide away because nothing i say or do is right im just avoiding my problems and being lazy and bringing it on myself and thats why im so depressed in the first place..
i kind of have friends? but i cant talk to them about anything they just freeze up and change the subject. i made online friends but they have no commitments to me of course, they have real lives to attend to and theyre supposed to be friends not a place to dump my issues. never really had a boyfriend and im definitely in no state to have one now..
on a waiting list for a new type of therapy but god knows when ill get that plus been having counselling and therapy for years and yep im no better if anything im worse lol. not to say it doesnt work for others or that its bad or anything though.
every day is a fight really.. i cut and starve and choke myself into near unconsciousness because its the only way to stop myself from killing myself but im wondering whats the point :/ even my family say im a burden and its true, i genuinely am a burden i spend most of my life hurting myself to stay alive what good is that to anyone really. my brain is a mess i cant sleep eat socialize i dont really have hobbies anymore.. i feel empty.
sorry for dumping this on here but i feel lost.. its like i dont actually want to die i want life to get better and look back on this as just a horrible start but the pressure and stress is only getting worse and its too much for me to handle
i know this all sounds really pathetic and i guess it is.. i feel stuck.