Feeling Unimportant

[kirsten]

How do you deal with knowing that someone who is really important to you doesn't even really care about you? The pain it causes is sharper than anything I've ever really felt.
My boyfriend of 4 years and I just called it quits and he doesn't really seem bothered by it. I caved and told him it was hard being apart from him..he just responded that it wasn't exactly enjoyable. Since then he's just ignored me and gone on with his life with his friends. I have friends and such but there's nothing they can do to ease the pain of knowing that this is killing me and is just a minor inconvenience to him.
Is there anything I can do to help? Or is it true that I just have to give it time...

 

[RyanEhf]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I only know what it's like to be unimportant to someone I've either never been with, or was only with for a short while. I can't imagine how that would feel. I personally have found solice in distraction. I just try my hardest not to think about it by doing hobbies I enjoy. Also I joined this site and just started trying to talk to as many ppl as I could. I've made some good friends here already and over time I'm feeling better. It's definitely not easy though. Every day I have to fight to remain positive, and if I can't be positive at least I make it through the day, you know? However, if you find yourself becoming really depressed you might even want to try some counseling, if only for a short term basis. It's not just for crazy ppl, you don't have to be crazy to want help with your pain.

I hope you feel better, and just try to remember that other people's actions are never really a reflection of you, but rather a manifestation of whatever is going on inside them. Ultimately the most important love is that which we give to ourselves

 

[upanddownlikeayoyo]

Kirsten

I'm sorry to hear this.

In the same way that sometimes people can act as though they want to be with someone, but really have ulterior motives, the opposite can happen.

Maybe he is affected by it, but doesn't want to make it look like he's bothered? I don't want to get your hopes up - I may be wrong, but he's not going to want to look bothered to his mates. They would rip him apart.

If it really is over, time will help. It may or may not heal, but it will get a little more bearable. You just have to occupy your time with things you enjoy, even force yourself.

What you are feeling is natural. Just keep posting here as sometimes talking about it helps ease the pain a little, rather than keeping it all bottled up, especially to strangers who won't judge.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

*hugs* I know exactly how you feel. It's horrible.

I dated a man for five years and we were engaged and I thought he was my soul mate. Then one day, literally, out of the blue, he broke up with me. Not only that, but he had conversations with me afterwards where he said how excited he was about his new life and how he was going to meet new people and new women. He told all his friends how happy he was and every time I started saying that I was upset about the break-up, he'd hang up the phone on me because I was causing too much drama even though my heart was completely broken over it and I felt suicidal and was sobbing uncontrollably every day. And it just made it all the worse because he didn't even MISS me.

It doesn't always hit men right away, being upset about the break-up.

I stopped speaking to him because it was unhealthy for me. I worked my butt off getting over him and meeting new people. I couldn't handle being alone AT ALL, so I worked hard to fill my life with new hobbies and new people and that's where I met my current boyfriend.

My ex found out about it and flipped out. He was okay and happy until that point because he assumed since he had me for five years that I'd NEVER get over him. (He said he thought I would kill myself over the break-up.) And then once I moved on, he was begging for me back and crying and freaking out a whole bunch.

Like I said, sometimes it doesn't hit them right away. Unless he's a heartless sociopath or something, he will feel SOMETHING about it eventually.

In the mean time, though, try to work towards caring about someone who actually deserves you . . . . .

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Love your self first N formost. You are imporant to you...
SELF ESTEEM= SELF WORTH
Waiting for others to behave right,act right or love you back is kind of like playing the fucken lottery.
That's giving other people too much power and responsiblities.

I'm not saying receiving love back in return is not something we all dont want or need....

And its a blessing when we get that love back in return. And Im very grateful that my GF loves me back.
However..she still have her moments and cant give or express her love to me...thats when I need to give love
back to her in return. Its balance.

I'm just saying..dont rely or depend too much on it or to the point of it dystroying you or de vauling yourself.


You cant change others...you can change you. You have power to change you, control you or control your
own life. Rely and depend on your love for yourself..its at your finger tips. You are avaliable to you 24/7s

 

[Thrasymachus]

People on this site always tend to do this: be the clinging more invested side on any given relationship. I cannot really sympathize much, I have the exact opposite problem, I don't feel connections to other people. As long as you don't change yourself to stop being more emotionally clingy and needy than whoever else you are involved with, you will always have this problem.

Probably in some time you will post a "success story" where nothing has changed except you found someone else and many posters from this forum will congratulate you, meh.

 

[RyanEhf]

Do you know what projection is?

 

[markcomo]

You are right, i saw many a people who dont care about their parteners and they are keep a relation only for time pass. My friend also suffering from this situation we guide her and now she is alright. You should live in present, never think about past or future.

 

[sagasu]

I wouldn't expect to feel at all important to someone after a breakup. Isn't that kind of the point?

 

[floffyschneeman]

Kirsten, I am sorry to hear that. I don't know what I can add more as others have said many wise thoughts already. But yes, I agree that you should focus now more on yourself. Grab this chance to take care of yourself and learn how to love yourself. You've taken care and focused on someone for years, now it is your time.

Sometimes when we feel love for others, we try our best to make them happy because it makes us happy, but we also neglect to do things (on our own) to make ourselves happy. It may sound or feel selfish but if you think about it, it isn't. You have to build a stable footing for yourself. With or without the love of others, you can still go on with your life normally.

It is easy to rely our happiness to other people but what happens after they suddenly disappear, parts of us disappear too. Think of it this way, when you don't have love for yourself, you can't give unconditional, unexpectant love for people too. We may not realize it but sometimes we give love because we expect love. When we have love for ourselves, when we are stable, we can give love freely to others and we can also discern which people would take care of that love.

''don't be reckless with other people's hearts and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours''

good luck and I wish you better days

 

[HappyYogi]

I am sorry for your loss and I am sure it' quite painful.

Here is the thing...I think most men handle break ups differently than women. Men, IMO, if they have been unhappy for awhile or there was some incident that turned them off, they can get cold really quick and just want out.

My bf now told me a story of one of his exes. He was with her three years! And then, kaput, done finished over one blow up! He felt she got too angry and that was that.

That shocked me because I could not turn off so quickly but I think men who have a strong rational/reasonable side will turn off quickly.

I don't know your situation but was the relationship deteriorating for awhile? Was there stress that could have made his feelings change? That could explain his apparent coldness.

I am still so sorry. It's not fun. Please use this as a learning/growth experience so you can have more positive/loving/stable relationships in the future.

How do you deal with knowing that someone who is really important to you doesn't even really care about you? The pain it causes is sharper than anything I've ever really felt.
My boyfriend of 4 years and I just called it quits and he doesn't really seem bothered by it. I caved and told him it was hard being apart from him..he just responded that it wasn't exactly enjoyable. Since then he's just ignored me and gone on with his life with his friends. I have friends and such but there's nothing they can do to ease the pain of knowing that this is killing me and is just a minor inconvenience to him.
Is there anything I can do to help? Or is it true that I just have to give it time...

 

[bootlegspm]

Yes, time does help, and so does moving on and finding someone else, Finding the right one is the great challenge...

My ex wife told me she still loves me, and that I'm such a good man. But she left me for someone who had more money than me(and he dumped her 6 months later). I'm not going to try and pretend to understand how other people feel. I think you and I may share the same problem. I over analyze and try so hard to understand the "why" of it all. Sadly, those kind of cold-hearted people don't feel things the same way we do, and they will not even attempt to explain or understand why you want them to. I'm still struggling to let it go, but I know I do deserve better, and I have to believe it exists.

You definitely deserve better as well. So stop giving him the time of day.