First Time Rejection

[FGRcat2CN]

Hello All,

This is a tale of both courage and rejection in the dating world. It's kind of a long story, but 'll try to keep it as short as I can.

First, some history. I've never really been on a date before. But after years of anxiety and inaction I decided I no longer wanted to be lonely and wanted to start building meaningful relationships that have eluded me for so long. So I spent a good amount of time developing an online dating profile, trying to strike the right balance between honesty, truthfulness and playfulness, etc. I posted it at the beginning of this month.

Almost immediately, I was contacted by a woman who seemed to be a good match. We shared many of the same interests, hobbies, outlook and even had some of the same personality traits. We traded messages for two weeks. Each time, it seemed as though we had a lot in common and would be a good fit. So after a while, I got the courage to ask her out for coffee; she agreed. My very first date; I couldn't believe it.

We met last Sunday and had a really great conversation. We talked for 3 1/2 hours about anything and everything. It went so well that I suggested we meet again so we could get to know ourselves even better. She agreed. We traded messages again until Wednesday. Then, it seemed like she dropped off the face of the earth, not responding to my followup e-mails. Finally, on Friday, she responded. Unfortunately, it was not the one I wanted. She said she had been answering more questions on the site and the algorithms pointed her to the realization that we wouldn't be such a good fit after all, so we shouldn't see each other. She even said I'm a very nice guy, just not for her. I was crushed.

I know in the grand scheme of rejections, this isn't even a footnote. I know being dumped is a fact of life. But as it is my first palpable rejection, it's kind of got me down. So I'm alternately proud of myself for having broken out of my shell which (for me) is a big deal and depressed that it didn't work out. I guess it will take some time to sort it all out.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[aceofpace]

Rejection is the first step to finding true love. Keep it up mate.

 

[Edward W]

Focus on the positives, you put yourself out there and got a date - Kudos to you!

Sounds like you did really well, that's a long time to just talk, which proves you ARE interesting and you CAN do it.

Rejection is a part of dating, now it's time to show yourself you can pick yourself up and try again. It may take time, but if you meet the right person for you, won't it be worth it?

So be proud, be a little sad (that's fine - as long as it doesn't send you backwards), but mainly remember you did it!!!

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Lol, I like how she said the "algorithms" were the reason she didn't want to see you again. To mimic what previous poster have already said, you've taken a big step towards dealing with your anxiety. Rejection is apart of every part of live so it's not really a big deal. Keep up the momentum and hopefully you'll see better outcomes in the future.

 

[duff]

she obviously met somebody else !
When she 'dropped off the face of the earth' it was because she was writing messages to some other guy.

 

[Kat]

It hurts but let it go. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It hurts but let it go. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Yeah. As much as it hurts and it's difficult to.

 

[Okiedokes]

You did a wonderful thing and you should be proud of getting yourself out there and actually meeting for a date. I think that it will probably take some tries and honestly, it was good that she did it then rather than down the road where you may have grown deep feelings for this woman. She did a good thing in telling you right away. It's better that it didn't drag out into nothing. However, being rejected is never a fun thing to go through but just try to think about how many other people there are in this world, and there are people who are better for you. That person must accept you for who you are and respect your feelings. If not, then it's not worth it just to be with someone. I hope that helps.

 

[FGRcat2CN]

Thanks, everyone, for your comments, they mean a lot to me. I certainly am not overly discouraged as I would have been had this happened a couple of months ago, when I would have been catatonic.

BTW, Moe, I should point out she didn't actually mention the computer or algorithms per se; she did say she answered a bunch of additional questions which lowered our, um, "compatibility" score and convinced her it wouldn't have worked out. I could say how horrible that is, except that I'm doing the same thing. In the end it was for the best, and I now have more self-confidence than I ever did before.

Have a great day!

 

[Liam]

I have a suggestion. Go out and actually socialize and stop waisting time on retarded dating sites.

 

[kamya]

Rejection means good things honestly. If you don't get rejected, you aren't trying hard enough.

As for this specific girl.

 

[lusker]

I have to agree with Duff. She was playing the field, probably had three or four potentials, and went for the one that appealed the most. These are hard words, but I have a workmate going through the same process, getting his hopes up then left hanging, wondering why she doesn't want to pursue it. Despite what these sites say, they are heavily weighted in favour of the women: there would have to be half a dozen lonely guys for every woman, so the ladies get to pick and choose. In which respect, it's like life!

 

[jzinsky]

I have a suggestion. Go out and actually socialize and stop waisting time on retarded dating sites.

Where?
When?
How?

Love it in the most sarchastic way when people say nonsense like that.

And to be honest I'm amazed that someone actually met someone on one of them sites

 

[Liam]

Where?

I don't know...maybe...******* outside? In a club? Theathre? Cinema? Wherever? Jesus Christ, are you this socially retarded?

When?

Whenever you want to, lol

How?

Oh, maybe just approach someone you find attractive and start a conversation? Is it really so ******* hard? Wow.

 

[Omnisiac]

Where?

I don't know...maybe...******* outside? In a club? Theathre? Cinema? Wherever? Jesus Christ, are you this socially retarded?

When?

Whenever you want to, lol

How?

Oh, maybe just approach someone you find attractive and start a conversation? Is it really so ******* hard? Wow.

Yer crassness labels you a feminine vaginal cleansing instrument...in a bad way. Do you really think the concept had not occurred to him? He is here asking for assistance and advice. What are you doing here? Yes many of us might be socially retarded but the fact that you are on this site and asking such a retarded question makes me wonder about you level of social competence.

 

[Liam]

hurr durr, another defender of the self adoring circle

 

[Poguesy]

Yawn.

 

[lusker]

hurr durr, another defender of the self adoring circle

Social retardation, even ******* social retardation, makes doing simple honeysuckle difficult. You understand that, don't you? Or do you?

 

[Memories]

Kudos for putting yourself out there, I say. I wouldn't even have the balls. Wear it like a badge of honor.

 

[Poguesy]

Kudos for putting yourself out there, I say. I wouldn't even have the balls. Wear it like a badge of honor.

Honour, my UK friend. Honour