Friends at work

[knt]

I am disappointed at the fact I have no friends at work. It’s the place where we spend most of our days and the biggest opportunity to get to know people if you’re not very social outside of work.

Right now I am part-time and work 2 days a week, and I float around so I don’t get to see the same people every day. But there are still a lot acquaintances there who know me from when I was fulltime, but it never developed into a real friendship. It’s also hard when you have a mixed group of ages (older/younger) so you’re not going to be similar with everybody.

Even when I was fulltime and working with the same people every day, there wasn’t anyone I can call friend. I know making friends is difficult and depends on many things, and maybe their lives are already full. But it gets so lonely at work sometimes, just going and coming home and nobody to talk to while you’re there.

I am worried when I go back to fulltime that I will have the same issue. I know it’s a “me” problem and I doubt they have the same experience. Just venting about it I guess.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Honestly, I am a firm believer in people at work are not your friends, they are your colleagues. This is just me but trying to make friends out of them usually backfires. Also, when you want to make friends its harder to… people are attracted to and gravitate towards people that focus on themselves . I hope you manage to make friends as thats what you want

 

[Finished]

I did manage to make a long term friendship with someone I worked with a long time ago. I tried many times after that. But, it's difficult to make the leap from friendly at work to friends outside of work. Work relationships are forced. So, people are willing to make more effort to make them work. Some/many will even pretend to like you. I've had work moms, work girlfriends, work lunch friends, and even regular work friends. However, it was ONLY at work. Outside of work I was nothing to them.

 

[Mr Doubtfire]

I've been at my current workplace over thirty years, and I'd call them colleagues not friends.
One person I have known from virtually when I started there I thought we were going to be great friends, but we have sort of drifted apart.
I have another one who asked me to go to an open day tomorrow, but I have refused as I don't really want to go out.
I rarely mix with work colleagues out of work, but I did in the 90s, but it seems things have changed, or I have changed.
They regularly have work do's like cycling or golf which I never participate in.

 

[Finished]

I've been at my current workplace over thirty years, and I'd call them colleagues not friends.
One person I have known from virtually when I started there I thought we were going to be great friends, but we have sort of drifted apart.
I have another one who asked me to go to an open day tomorrow, but I have refused as I don't really want to go out.
I rarely mix with work colleagues out of work, but I did in the 90s, but it seems things have changed, or I have changed.
They regularly have work do's like cycling or golf which I never participate in.

IMO, things have changed big time. I was on the tail end of the old school work places where a lot of people were very friendly and sleeping with each other. I was the young one and constantly called kid all that time. They were constantly meeting after work for drinks and hanging out. There were frequenty after working drinking work parties. Sometimes there were at work lunch drinking parties too. We'd be in a meeting and the boss would tell us to pop open a cold one out of his cooler on the table. I, for one, enjoyed that atmosphere even though I was more of a spectator.

But, about that time the sexual harassment movement started up. Then people became fearful of each other. A few continued on as before and ending up getting themselves in trouble. I asked a women out one time to go to lunch and she notified HR. So, it is now more of a sterile environment at work now. I wonder if people like it better the way it is now or the old way. The old school folks would say hell no.

 

[user 136944]

I asked a women out one time to go to lunch and she notified HR.

This is a sad and sorry state of affairs nowadays isn't it.

 

[Zhanna]

I do have a couple of work friends who I sometimes see outside of work. In fact I’m going to lunch with one next week. But it’s not a close friendship even though we share the same dark and esoteric humor.

The close friends I had in the past were from shared activities and hobbies, not from work.

 

[OrangeAngel]

I am disappointed at the fact I have no friends at work. It’s the place where we spend most of our days and the biggest opportunity to get to know people if you’re not very social outside of work.

Right now I am part-time and work 2 days a week, and I float around so I don’t get to see the same people every day. But there are still a lot acquaintances there who know me from when I was fulltime, but it never developed into a real friendship. It’s also hard when you have a mixed group of ages (older/younger) so you’re not going to be similar with everybody.

Even when I was fulltime and working with the same people every day, there wasn’t anyone I can call friend. I know making friends is difficult and depends on many things, and maybe their lives are already full. But it gets so lonely at work sometimes, just going and coming home and nobody to talk to while you’re there.

I am worried when I go back to fulltime that I will have the same issue. I know it’s a “me” problem and I doubt they have the same experience. Just venting about it I guess.

Well, making friends at work can be complicated. I tried very hard some time ago, and it didn't go well either. Feeling lonely can take you to those weird places where you don't know how to act (like what happened to you). I think you should first try some practices to stop being isolated first. Some advice I found, encouraged me to start working remotely from coffee shops or museums, or even coworking with other friends, and it turned to be a great way to avoid loneliness. You'll see there are tons of people in your same situation!

Friends at work come and go! If you're ok with yourself, you'll see they'll come when you least expect them!