Friends before dating?

[Drew88]

This is one thing about building to a relationship that I am not fond of. It is boring, can be time consuming, and pointless. I'll do it if it mean that there is a good chance that moving on to serious dating is likely, but I do not want to build relationships only to find out that there is no dating chance. If I do, I lose interest in trying to hold that friend. In order to do that you have to meet multiple people, show interest, and try to pursue an interest. If it doesn't work, I move on. For me it is hard to build multiple single female relationships because, I do not care about building Friendships. I want to focus on a relationship, thats all. If I meet a single woman casually and we talk leading to a friendship fine, but I can not count on that for a relationship to start (as that pretty much never happens). Not to mention I think asking, Do you want to date me? or what do think of me? comes off as kind of desperate. So pointless.

 

[MissGuided]

You can lease a house with the option or intent of purchasing. Relationships are not houses. And there are no guarantees. No magic bubble will appear over the head of a girl who will definitely turn friendship into love.

The cornerstone of any successful relationship is friendship. Period.

 

[Drew88]

You can lease a house with the option or intent of purchasing. Relationships are not houses. And there are no guarantees. No magic bubble will appear over the head of a girl who will definitely turn friendship into love.

The cornerstone of any successful relationship is friendship. Period.

Does not mean I have to accept it or like it. Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though). To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless. What about something I like to talk about or do? well then I would be controlling and no one wants to be in that. Bottomline: I hate Progression.


Edit: another thing, interest should be more obvious. Reading between the lines is BS and so is reading women body langrange, always being "just friendly" *rolls eyes*. and them leading an investigate conversation, forget about it

 

[MissGuided]

Does not mean I have to accept it or like it. Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though). To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless. What about something I like to talk about or do? well then I would be controlling and no one wants to be in that. Bottomline: I hate Progression.

Very profound. In that case, I think you should continue with that approach. It seems to have worked out well for you so far.....

 

[Drew88]

Does not mean I have to accept it or like it. Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though). To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless. What about something I like to talk about or do? well then I would be controlling and no one wants to be in that. Bottomline: I hate Progression.

Very profound. In that case, I think you should continue with that approach. It seems to have worked out well for you so far.....

You don't think I'm trying?
Not talking to people?
not trying to build relationships?
not trying to hang out?
not trying to progress?

Just because I have to do so in life, does not mean I can not be stubborn about it.

How I am suppose to feel when my "friends", never hit me up?

"you contact them then"

I do, and its dead air

"people get busy"

Everytime?

 

[MissGuided]

I do not want to build relationships only to find out that there is no dating chance. If I do, I lose interest in trying to hold that friend.

For me it is hard to build multiple single female relationships because, I do not care about building Friendships. I want to focus on a relationship, thats all.

Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though).

To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless.

Bottomline: I hate Progression.


You don't think I'm trying?
Not talking to people?
not trying to build relationships?
not trying to hang out?
not trying to progress?

I think you answered your own questions.

 

[Drew88]

I do not want to build relationships only to find out that there is no dating chance. If I do, I lose interest in trying to hold that friend.

For me it is hard to build multiple single female relationships because, I do not care about building Friendships. I want to focus on a relationship, thats all.

Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though).

To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless.

Bottomline: I hate Progression.


You don't think I'm trying?
Not talking to people?
not trying to build relationships?
not trying to hang out?
not trying to progress?

I think you answered your own questions.

No, you assume that because I hate progress that I will not abide by it. You assume wrong, and the very least of me.

 

[MissGuided]

OK, then - my mistake.

I have no idea where in the world I might have gotten the impression that you feel 'friendships are pointless' or that you 'do not care about building friendships'....

But, good luck to you - hope you find exactly what you are looking for and that you don't have to put forth much effort to find it.

 

[Drew88]

OK, then - my mistake.

I have no idea where in the world I might have gotten the impression that you feel 'friendships are pointless' or that you 'do not care about building friendships'....

But, good luck to you - hope you find exactly what you are looking for and that you don't have to put forth much effort to find it.

They are and I don't, But that does not mean I am not trying. I need to progress fast if I want to change my path. Thanks for you good luck.

It is really frustrating though when no one wants to progress with you

 

[theraab]

Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though). To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless. What about something I like to talk about or do? well then I would be controlling and no one wants to be in that. Bottomline: I hate Progression.


Edit: another thing, interest should be more obvious. Reading between the lines is BS and so is reading women body langrange, always being "just friendly" *rolls eyes*. and them leading an investigate conversation, forget about it

Let's see if I understand this:

you wouldn't care if you lost any of your friends (unless you lost them all) - that seems like you don't really give a honeysuckle about any of them; if you don't give a honeysuckle about them, why should they give a honeysuckle about you (and by extension, if you don't give a honeysuckle about anybody but yourself, why would any woman give a honeysuckle about you?)

Talking and hanging out is boring and pointless - what else is there to do? If you just want people to do exciting things with, join a meetup group that is doing what you want - and I've got news for you, 90% of your time in a relationship is just hanging out and talking.

I agree that you should talk about and do things you want to do - find people that want to talk about and do those things or find a balance between their stuff and your stuff (which is how most relationships end up working).

And, I also agree that it would be nice if people in general were more up front about what they wanted, (Sexism alert) women are usually worse at this than men are; but you can't change that. Life isn't fair. But then again, they are just trying to be nice by being vague about what they want - it may be better than them just coming out and saying they aren't interested in you romantically.

 

[Drew88]

Friendships are pointless to me. While I am glad to have some that I have, there are none I would loose sleep over if I was to loose them (exection being them all at once though). To build a friendship you have to talk and hang out, that to me is sooooooo boring and pointless. What about something I like to talk about or do? well then I would be controlling and no one wants to be in that. Bottomline: I hate Progression.


Edit: another thing, interest should be more obvious. Reading between the lines is BS and so is reading women body langrange, always being "just friendly" *rolls eyes*. and them leading an investigate conversation, forget about it

Let's see if I understand this:

you wouldn't care if you lost any of your friends (unless you lost them all) - that seems like you don't really give a honeysuckle about any of them; if you don't give a honeysuckle about them, why should they give a honeysuckle about you (and by extension, if you don't give a honeysuckle about anybody but yourself, why would any woman give a honeysuckle about you?)


Talking and hanging out is boring and pointless - what else is there to do? If you just want people to do exciting things with, join a meetup group that is doing what you want - and I've got news for you, 90% of your time in a relationship is just hanging out and talking.

I agree that you should talk about and do things you want to do - find people that want to talk about and do those things or find a balance between their stuff and your stuff (which is how most relationships end up working).

And, I also agree that it would be nice if people in general were more up front about what they wanted, (Sexism alert) women are usually worse at this than men are; but you can't change that. Life isn't fair. But then again, they are just trying to be nice by being vague about what they want - it may be better than them just coming out and saying they aren't interested in you romantically.

I do care, I want them and I like them, but the fact that i am never able utilize their friendship to hang out or talk or that they never really show interest in how I am doing or want to hang out even after I contact them make me doubt that they are all that important. I rather have them then not, but i feel like I get nothing from them.

as far as the hanging talking goes, I feel that while is boring and pointless I am more comfortable with it in a commited relationship. as there is a more desirable goal.

I rather have them come out and say that so I can just move on.

O? you want to be "just" friends?
I do not want that.
I'll do it, but I will not come around that often.

I am so boring. Meet up with me and I will just sit there.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I think theraab makes a good point - if you get fed up talking and hanging out all the time with friends, what on earth do you actually want to do with a girlfriend?

As far as I can tell, a GF is like a really, really close female friend that you share a good chunk of your free time with, so if you've no desire to do that with girls who you're "standard friends" with at present you're going to find it next to impossible to be around a girl seriously all the time.

On the other hand, if you're just looking for some sort of sexual interaction, it seems highly unlikely to me that your relationship will last any length of time or be particularly fulfilling if that's the be all and end all. In which case you probably want to take another look at what you actually want.

 

[Drew88]

I think theraab makes a good point - if you get fed up talking and hanging out all the time with friends, what on earth do you actually want to do with a girlfriend?

As far as I can tell, a GF is like a really, really close female friend that you share a good chunk of your free time with, so if you've no desire to do that with girls who you're "standard friends" with at present you're going to find it next to impossible to be around a girl seriously all the time.

On the other hand, if you're just looking for some sort of sexual interaction, it seems highly unlikely to me that your relationship will last any length of time or be particularly fulfilling if that's the be all and end all. In which case you probably want to take another look at what you actually want.

No I don't get fed up with it. I just see it as pointless. I'll do it and even try to do it, its just how I see it is what I am referring to.

I see a point in doing that with a gf, and could take pride in it.

I guess I just can not stand people, but i want to be progressive. Kind of conflicting

 

[IgnoredOne]

So at the end of the day, getting to know a girl is pointless unless you're doing her.

Well, that makes sense.

 

[Drew88]

So at the end of the day, getting to know a girl is pointless unless you're doing her.

Well, that makes sense.

Dating does NOT equal sex. I'm saying that getting know a girl that leads to no mutual interest can be pointless.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

No I don't get fed up with it. I just see it as pointless. I'll do it and even try to do it, its just how I see it is what I am referring to.

I see a point in doing that with a gf, and could take pride in it.

I guess I just can not stand people, but i want to be progressive. Kind of conflicting

I have a similar viewpoint sometimes, so I can understand what you mean to an extent.

People I befriend in my case seem to have a recurring tendency to treat me like crap, so I'm not particularly inclined to make friends and would much prefer a girlfriend I could really trust as opposed to all these wishy-washy "friendships".

However, that's not to say friendship/hanging out is a boring formality. It's practically impossible (in my view) to have a healthy full relationship with someone if you see being friends with others as a waste of time.

It's like trying to build a house without foundations. No matter how practical an idea it may seem in theory to get a girl and "avoid" friendships, it's going to be mightily impractical when you realise your girl wants nothing more than to hang out with you as a friend for a long time before she's ready to be anything more than a friend to you.

EDIT -

So at the end of the day, getting to know a girl is pointless unless you're doing her.

Well, that makes sense.

Dating does NOT equal sex. I'm saying that getting know a girl that leads to no mutual interest can be pointless.

Sorry Drew, I don't understand what you're trying to convey here.

Dating does not equal sex, but you're basically saying that unless a girl has a sexual/romantic interest (let's be honest, that's what "mutual interest" normally refers to), it's a pointless exercise to befriend her?

 

[Okiedokes]

Personally I will not date a man who doesn't want to be friends first. It tells me they are looking for some action or don't hold much importance to the "friendship/communication" part of the relationship which is the foundation of it all. At least if you're talking about it lasting in the long run.

I mean no offense to you but my point is communication is key in even having a successful friendship. If your friends aren't communicating with you very well or blow you off..then they aren't good friends or people you'd want to further pursue interest in.

 

[Drew88]

No I don't get fed up with it. I just see it as pointless. I'll do it and even try to do it, its just how I see it is what I am referring to.

I see a point in doing that with a gf, and could take pride in it.

I guess I just can not stand people, but i want to be progressive. Kind of conflicting

I have a similar viewpoint sometimes, so I can understand what you mean to an extent.

People I befriend in my case seem to have a recurring tendency to treat me like crap, so I'm not particularly inclined to make friends and would much prefer a girlfriend I could really trust as opposed to all these wishy-washy "friendships".

However, that's not to say friendship/hanging out is a boring formality. It's practically impossible (in my view) to have a healthy full relationship with someone if you see being friends with others as a waste of time.

It's like trying to build a house without foundations. No matter how practical an idea it may seem in theory to get a girl and "avoid" friendships, it's going to be mightily impractical when you realise your girl wants nothing more than to hang out with you as a friend for a long time before she's ready to be anything more than a friend to you.

#dielonely And with my kidneys, I see that approaching quicker then I would want.

 

[IgnoredOne]

With all due honesty: anyone who knows me knows that I'm extremely direct in showing my interest in girls when I want someone.

But I don't think the attitude of not wanting to know someone unless there /must/ be romantic interest is going to work out well for you. Its just a terrible mindset, really; its like saying that you won't play a baseball game unless you know that you have to win. Its one thing to perhaps go into something with the idea that maybe you'll win, or to entertain that possibility in your mind, but if you're not willing to get to know people or learn from experience, then you're not going to succeed in courtship.

 

[Drew88]

With all due honesty: anyone who knows me knows that I'm extremely direct in showing my interest in girls when I want someone.

But I don't think the attitude of not wanting to know someone unless there /must/ be romantic interest is going to work out well for you. Its just a terrible mindset, really; its like saying that you won't play a baseball game unless you know that you have to win. Its one thing to perhaps go into something with the idea that maybe you'll win, or to entertain that possibility in your mind, but if you're not willing to get to know people or learn from experience, then you're not going to succeed in courtship.

I agree, but it is in my wiring and I wish it was/I could turn it off.