Friendzone

[ReaderGuy]

I posted a thread here a couple months ago about being friends with two girls. One of them told me she doesn't want to be anything more than friends. The same person told me that she didn't think her friend wanted anything more either. However, I still think there's some chance that she (the friend), and I think it'd kill me not to know.

Does it sound bad just to ask her "Am I in your friend zone?"

I just want a straight answer.

 

[Veruca]

Sorry about girl A not wanting anything more, but what she has told about her friend, hmm, that's something to think about. Either, she may really have insight into her friend's feelings about you or she's envious/worried about losing her friend/etc so she's trying to get you to stay away from approaching the topic.

I think the best thing for you to do is really consider the situation. Has this girl shown any signs of interest since? If so, perhaps you can try asking indirect questions first? Maybe try asking her how she would feel if one of her guy friends liked her? Or her opinion on friendzoning?

You might be able to gage her response a bit better before asking a direct question

 

[Badjedidude]

Asking a girl if you're in her friendzone is a piss-poor idea.

Because you obviously ARE in her friendzone. Take the ******* social cues, man.

And move on.

 

[kamya]

Nah she's not interested. Pushing it will just make things worse.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Bringing up the word friend zone at all just opens yourself up to ridicule since there is no such place. When I hear it I usually think of some guy who is "friends" with a girl not because he actually wants to be friends, but is looking for a backdoor to dating rather than directly asking. I'm not saying that's you but if you do ask this other friend, don't be surprised if things start getting weird afterwards.

 

[9006]

I just want a straight answer.

No

 

[perfanoff]

It's a bad idea to hit on two friends for a variety of reasons..

 

[ucxb]

Does it sound bad just to ask her "Am I in your friend zone?"
I just want a straight answer.

I have never used the term friend zone before, I looked it up :| In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. So, I don't think it is "bad" to ask if you are in the friend zone if it is not obvious to you, good luck!

 

[Badjedidude]

I have never used the term friend zone before, I looked it up :| In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. So, I don't think it is "bad" to ask if you are in the friend zone if it is not obvious to you, good luck!

If you had to look up the term, then you're most likely unaware of the stigma and sensitive nature it holds in relationships between people.

I would advise AGAINST using the term. And against asking at all.

Seems the girls have made it QUITE CLEAR how they feel about you, OP.

 

[ReaderGuy]

Sorry about girl A not wanting anything more, but what she has told about her friend, hmm, that's something to think about. Either, she may really have insight into her friend's feelings about you or she's envious/worried about losing her friend/etc so she's trying to get you to stay away from approaching the topic.

I think the best thing for you to do is really consider the situation. Has this girl shown any signs of interest since? If so, perhaps you can try asking indirect questions first? Maybe try asking her how she would feel if one of her guy friends liked her? Or her opinion on friendzoning?

You might be able to gage her response a bit better before asking a direct question

Girl A did mention that me trying to get with girl B would "mess up" our group of three...which I don't think would be true. Literally the next day she texted she "didn't think" girl B wanted to be more than friends.

I have never used the term friend zone before, I looked it up :| In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. So, I don't think it is "bad" to ask if you are in the friend zone if it is not obvious to you, good luck!

If you had to look up the term, then you're most likely unaware of the stigma and sensitive nature it holds in relationships between people.

I would advise AGAINST using the term. And against asking at all.

Seems the girls have made it QUITE CLEAR how they feel about you, OP.

The first one made it clear. The second one I could swear thinks at least something. When we're looking at each other and talking she's very "smiley" and giggly sometimes. I feel like we are both that way to each other.

 

[theraab]

Don't use the term "friendzone" with her. But, you are better off getting your nerve up and going for it -

- if you don't say anything, then you'll be uncomfortable around her because you'll always be wondering how she feels - and if she starts dating someone else, you'll be resentful (or otherwise unhappy about it);
- if you go for it and she says no, you are in the friendzone, and you should think about whether you are really her friend or just want to be with her romantically (and if it is the latter, you're not really her friend, and probably shouldn't be hanging out with her).
- If she says yes, then you're set.

 

[perfanoff]

Friendzone is a great place to be. The actual shitty place is the Limbozone. And yeah, it's a neologism. Deal with it.

 

[Gutted]

There shouldn't be a problem with asking her. I've done it before without any problem. What I find tough though is what happens after. It may upset you to know she isn't into you. She may meet someone and whilst you may be happy for her, you may envy her partner. To put it simply, things may get awkward unless you severely limit contact with her.

 

[Toby]

I agree with 'theraab' that you should just go for it. Sometimes it's good to sit back and assess the scenario first... but other times it's good to just ask what is on your mind. It's a valid question that you want answered, so you have every right to ask Girl B whether she sees a possible romantic future for you and her. Maybe a question you could ask is simply - would you like to go out on a date? The word "date" is very clear as to what your intentions are and might be as appropriate as asking if you're in the friend zone. Two similar things, really. Asking if she'd like to go out on a date could also lead to... well.. a date!

Truth be told, my first reaction to these kind of "I'm lonely without a romantic partner" threads is a cynical one. That's just because I feel it's often based on shallow emotions of sex, giving the impression of love. My advice above (whether good advice or not) is said with earnest and well wishes. I hope you're able to find true love and someone that gives you joy in your life. Lust is fleeting. Love is where it's at. It sounds like you and Girl B have a good connection, so I truly wish you all the best.

 

[Revengineer]

I agree with 'theraab' that you should just go for it. Sometimes it's good to sit back and assess the scenario first... but other times it's good to just ask what is on your mind. It's a valid question that you want answered, so you have every right to ask Girl B whether she sees a possible romantic future for you and her. Maybe a question you could ask is simply - would you like to go out on a date? The word "date" is very clear as to what your intentions are and might be as appropriate as asking if you're in the friend zone. Two similar things, really. Asking if she'd like to go out on a date could also lead to... well.. a date!

Truth be told, my first reaction to these kind of "I'm lonely without a romantic partner" threads is a cynical one. That's just because I feel it's often based on shallow emotions of sex, giving the impression of love. My advice above (whether good advice or not) is said with earnest and well wishes. I hope you're able to find true love and someone that gives you joy in your life. Lust is fleeting. Love is where it's at. It sounds like you and Girl B have a good connection, so I truly wish you all the best.

That's a pretty good approach actually. Gets the message across without inviting too much awkwardness. Keeping things short and simple is the way to go.

That said, I think you're being a bit too general in your assumptions about romantically deprived people. Most lonely people crave the companionship and validation that comes with a relationship, and sex is just an added bonus. Although I admit it's terribly easy to mistake lust for something else.

 

[9006]

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=26877

 

[Toby]

That's a pretty good approach actually. Gets the message across without inviting too much awkwardness. Keeping things short and simple is the way to go.

That said, I think you're being a bit too general in your assumptions about romantically deprived people. Most lonely people crave the companionship and validation that comes with a relationship, and sex is just an added bonus. Although I admit it's terribly easy to mistake lust for something else.

ReaderGuy and Girl B seem to have a good connection so it seems possible she might say yes to the date if he'd ask. Even if she's dating someone, it opens her thoughts upto it and she can decide what to do next, if anything.

Yeah, it's easy to judge people without knowing anything about them. You make a good point about companionship and validation. We virtually all do want these things, whether as friends or in a relationship, etc. I don't want to condescend anyone. I just want people to get the most out of a relationship and IMO that comes when you love someone for their insides, which I classify as true love. It's easier said than done but I do feel it's possible to just "see with the heart" so to speak. I'm not at that stage yet, maybe never will be. But it's a goal to be able to be there. Easy to say these things but not so easy to put them into practice and overcome the barriers needed.

 

[Romantic_Flower]

ask her... most girls are always complaining that all men suck... but when they find the perfect one, they want to be just friends...

 

[ReaderGuy]

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=26877

That was an interesting video. Especially the part where he describes it from a biological point of view. If there's one thing that applies to me it's that I'm very much available...and I'm just really friendly with them and see them everyday. I think that's what killed it for girl A considering we really do have a lot in common. Hopefully it doesn't for girl B. I also learned that she, like me has never been in a relationship.

 

[Drew88]

They want someone to be with them, but all they do is friendzone the ones that want to be with them. And then they complain, it their fault.