Gay and Lonely...

[thelonelylife]

I'm a gay 20 year old guy that lives in a really small town where everyone knows everybody. My parents and family know that I'm gay, as well as a few friends.

I went to a very conservative high school that taught that being gay was wrong, and that they were bad people. So throughout high school, I never dated or went to prom, and therefore got laughed at and made fun of because they "thought" I was gay. Throughout school, I never had any friends, never got invited to anything, felt judged, and always felt like a complete outcast.

I am a very shy person to begin with, but these feelings of inadequacy from high school have transposed into my adult life and have crushed my identity as well as my self-esteem. These feelings have caused me draw back even more in fear that people might find out the "real" me and that I might be made fun of even more. I've drawn back from school, work, and even family. I do the least possible- I go to work, school, or the grocery store and immediately come home. I come home to an empty house every night, and sit and watch TV. I spend most weekends watching TV and sleeping. I have become severely depressed over the past few months and feel so isolated. I am so tired of living a lonely life, having no companionship, no friends, feeling rejected, and like a complete outcast in all aspects of my life.

I want to get out of this rut so bad, and live a happy life, but I don't know how to do it. Has anyone had this type of experience, or have any advice?

Thanks!

 

[evanescencefan91]

Hello fellow gay 20 year old

*hugs*

that sucks that you had to go a conservative high school that sucks

my highschool wasn't as conservative but i was still closeted, and a lot of people suspected that i was gay, i never came out then becuase i didn't want them to right

but that's great that you came out to to your friends and family, i hope things are ok with them, are there any gay or lbgt communities in your area? or possibly any gay bars around?

I know it's hard but you should try to get out more, the more you get out the more you increase your chances of finding some new friends or possibly a date check some books out from a local library or something

excersie is also a really good antidepressant, maybe try jogging or cycling, i really enjoy that,

maybe try drawing or writing or music to help to get out some of your feelngs



ps have a commenerative fruit basket as well

 

[cumulus.james]

I'm a gay 20 year old guy that lives in a really small town where everyone knows everybody. My parents and family know that I'm gay, as well as a few friends.

I went to a very conservative high school that taught that being gay was wrong, and that they were bad people. So throughout high school, I never dated or went to prom, and therefore got laughed at and made fun of because they "thought" I was gay. Throughout school, I never had any friends, never got invited to anything, felt judged, and always felt like a complete outcast.

I am a very shy person to begin with, but these feelings of inadequacy from high school have transposed into my adult life and have crushed my identity as well as my self-esteem. These feelings have caused me draw back even more in fear that people might find out the "real" me and that I might be made fun of even more. I've drawn back from school, work, and even family. I do the least possible- I go to work, school, or the grocery store and immediately come home. I come home to an empty house every night, and sit and watch TV. I spend most weekends watching TV and sleeping. I have become severely depressed over the past few months and feel so isolated. I am so tired of living a lonely life, having no companionship, no friends, feeling rejected, and like a complete outcast in all aspects of my life.

I want to get out of this rut so bad, and live a happy life, but I don't know how to do it. Has anyone had this type of experience, or have any advice?

Thanks!

I’ve been in a similar position to you. Only thing is when I first discovered I was gay it was still a big no no! You could not dream of telling anyone. Gays were not yet on TV, no one was out. It was desperately isolating. But in some ways it was better like that. When you did find someone they had more interest in keeping in contact with you by way of the fact it was so ******* hard to find another gay man at all!

Here are loads of gay “dating” sites but as I’m sure you know “dating” in that sense means “meaningless shag- name not required, phone number only required if you were any good”.

Gay guys from small towns tend to have to make the sacrifice of leaving everything and everyone they know and heading to the places where there are large gay communities (like Brighton or Manchester in the UK, or Minneapolis or Seattle in the US). I’ve never done that because I don’t see why I should have to up sticks and move to a strange town just to get a BF. But I’m stubborn.

The ONLY real way to have any chance of finding a BF is to talk to people on gay dating sites you think you might like and see if they want to actually go on a date rather than meet for a quick fresia. Most gay men are lonely, but many occupy themselves with the endless pursuit of sex or by becoming camp and queeny and immersing themselves in gayness until every aspect of their being is defined by being gay.

I used to hang out in a gay chat room and we always used to say there are Gays then there are homosexuals, that is gay guys are the camp queeny people who have to live every aspect of their life gay (it has to be a gay bar, a gay hairdressers, a gay solicitors, a gay plumber) then there are people like me who are just normal blokes who happen to fancy men.

But then who am I to give advice. I am 30 and never had a real boyfriend. I don’t expect to either. Just do you best to meet new people is all I can say.

 

[thelonelylife]

Hello fellow gay 20 year old

*hugs*

that sucks that you had to go a conservative high school that sucks

my highschool wasn't as conservative but i was still closeted, and a lot of people suspected that i was gay, i never came out then becuase i didn't want them to right

but that's great that you came out to to your friends and family, i hope things are ok with them, are there any gay or lbgt communities in your area? or possibly any gay bars around?

I know it's hard but you should try to get out more, the more you get out the more you increase your chances of finding some new friends or possibly a date check some books out from a local library or something

excersie is also a really good antidepressant, maybe try jogging or cycling, i really enjoy that,

maybe try drawing or writing or music to help to get out some of your feelngs



ps have a commenerative fruit basket as well

Thanks for the fruit basket!! haha!

There are only 2 gay bars within a 50 mile radius of where I live, and I've been to both of them, and well.... the men there aren't exactly looking for a dating relationship.

I have recently been attending a community church that is AMAZING!! I haven't really gotten to know anyone yet, but they seem to be genuine people that care about you, and that don't judge you- they just accept you for who you are.

As far as the depression- music has always been a big help! I just started bikram yoga classes, and I can already feel an improvement in my depression and moods. I know the key is to get out and socialize, which is harder for me to do. I have to sometimes kick myself in the ass to go and try to remember the reason behind why I'm going. I keep telling myself that I'm going out to do something fun and while at the same time something thats beneficial to my overall mental and personal health.

 

[cumulus.james]

Hello fellow gay 20 year old

*hugs*

that sucks that you had to go a conservative high school that sucks

my highschool wasn't as conservative but i was still closeted, and a lot of people suspected that i was gay, i never came out then becuase i didn't want them to right

but that's great that you came out to to your friends and family, i hope things are ok with them, are there any gay or lbgt communities in your area? or possibly any gay bars around?

I know it's hard but you should try to get out more, the more you get out the more you increase your chances of finding some new friends or possibly a date check some books out from a local library or something

excersie is also a really good antidepressant, maybe try jogging or cycling, i really enjoy that,

maybe try drawing or writing or music to help to get out some of your feelngs



ps have a commenerative fruit basket as well

Thanks for the fruit basket!! haha!

There are only 2 gay bars within a 50 mile radius of where I live, and I've been to both of them, and well.... the men there aren't exactly looking for a dating relationship.

I have recently been attending a community church that is AMAZING!! I haven't really gotten to know anyone yet, but they seem to be genuine people that care about you, and that don't judge you- they just accept you for who you are.

As far as the depression- music has always been a big help! I just started bikram yoga classes, and I can already feel an improvement in my depression and moods. I know the key is to get out and socialize, which is harder for me to do. I have to sometimes kick myself in the ass to go and try to remember the reason behind why I'm going. I keep telling myself that I'm going out to do something fun and while at the same time something thats beneficial to my overall mental and personal health.

Yoga and Pilates are great. Would it not suit you to move to a town with a larger number of gay guys?

 

[Badjedidude]

Sucks to be lonely, dude.

Keep looking; you'll find someone eventually.

 

[dr.pham162]

My best friend is gay and when we were in high school kids yelled at him in school, beat him, got him in trouble, and jumped him outside of school. it was really really hard for him as it is for you. his words to me were "all the nice guys are uglyall the cute guys are straightall the nice cute guys are feminine" There's someone, somewhere, living under the same sky out there waiting for you as well. Maybe think about moving and relocating. with a new crowd maybe someplace lively that will fill the quietness and loneliness you feel and break the boredom and same old routines that you feel are trapping you. maybe you meet someone there. But the key is the wait once you find them and they reciprocate the feelings you have for them youll realize that the wait is nothing in comparison for the preciousness of thier presence and love.

with all the hopes and wishes that you find happiness.

on another point another great thing that helps me get through some lonely times is romance and erotica books. the stories about love and the hardships give me hope about the future and the sex scenes are a bonus theyll fill your days no problem.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I will totally be gay for an awesome fruit basket. :club:

 

[thelonelylife]

My best friend is gay and when we were in high school kids yelled at him in school, beat him, got him in trouble, and jumped him outside of school. it was really really hard for him as it is for you. his words to me were "all the nice guys are uglyall the cute guys are straightall the nice cute guys are feminine" There's someone, somewhere, living under the same sky out there waiting for you as well. Maybe think about moving and relocating. with a new crowd maybe someplace lively that will fill the quietness and loneliness you feel and break the boredom and same old routines that you feel are trapping you. maybe you meet someone there. But the key is the wait once you find them and they reciprocate the feelings you have for them youll realize that the wait is nothing in comparison for the preciousness of thier presence and love.

with all the hopes and wishes that you find happiness.

on another point another great thing that helps me get through some lonely times is romance and erotica books. the stories about love and the hardships give me hope about the future and the sex scenes are a bonus theyll fill your days no problem.

yea, you are so right!!! i know one day i'll find someone that's meant for me, but in the mean time it's so hard to be patient!!

 

[evanescencefan91]

that's cool that you're doing yoga and stuff, I tried a bit of yoga in my relaxation class, and it's intense it's quite the workout

I will totally be gay for an awesome fruit basket.

well creme this fruit basket is totally gay you