Girls love conflicting signals...

[TheSolitaryMan]

Hey everyone, first post. Nice to meet you all

I figured I'd dive right into what's eating me up right now. I'm a 19 year old guy, pretty shy and quiet, I don't drink or go out much, generally keep myself to myself.

I can socialise pretty well when I try, but I usually just listen unless I actually have something to say that has some meaning. I'm not a chatterbox type

Right now I'm studying a field of science at University. I've never had a girlfriend in my life, haven't kissed a girl or anything as pathetic as that sounds. I've had plenty of girls-that-are-friends but unfortunately that's not the same thing at all.

This kind of changed recently. I met a pretty, very intelligent and fun to be around girl on my course. While I liked her from the moment I saw her, she was actually the one that approached me.

I was sitting in a lecture and she came and sat next to me and even kind of cuddled up a bit - took me very much by surprise!

So that was about 3 months ago. Since then I have not officially "asked her out" as in "Will you be my GF?", but we've watched a bunch of movies at her place, hugged a few times and still get on great when we chat.

Last time I saw her, a few days back, she was suggesting we go on a proper night out together to a bunch of different venues.

The last couple of days I've been thinking of asking her out because I really like her. Almost at the exact same time I thought this, she has started just blanking me. Completely ignoring me!

It's so weird, I've talked to my girls-that-are-friends and they can't figure it out either. Apparently she has gone almost totally quiet to them too.

I will smile at her and say hello, and she will now just walk past without even looking. Over the last couple of days she makes a point of sitting away from me when we're working (which suggests "Deal's off"), but then she'll suddenly come over and sit with me again, or start engaging me in conversation.

I've asked her what's up in an online chat program: no response. Haven't got round to asking her in RL because I hardly see her now.

Similarly, she never seems to text or call me, but she'll always text or call someone else to ask me for something or to talk to me - I really don't get it.

Next day, she'll come up to me and start cuddling up again.

If she just wasn't interested that'd be fine, but she switches almost every day between apparently really liking me and then not being bothered. I think partly it may be the workload we're under (she's very behind at the moment), but at the same time I don't know for sure.

Being lonely (as I have been for years), really really sucks. But I'm actually starting to think this form of "half and half" is even worse. The minute I get comfortable thinking one thing I get jerked around to feeling something else.

Anyone got any deep insights into what aspect of the female psyche feels it neccessary to torture me?

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this

 

[Poueff]

It's true. Just ask her out,probably she's just having a rough moment,sometimes doesn't notice you when walking past you or in the next day think you can help. That's just my two cents,and even though Euro is now higher than Dolar,they probably are worth less than from the average joe who already unveiled the answer to this. It only happened to me once and she said she was having some personal problems,so that's that.

Oh,and welcome

 

[spectacles]

Hey solitaryman!
Maybe she is getting tired of waiting for u to ask her out and wants u to react (some women think that if we ignore guys they will fell more attracted lol) If she is coming back to u, she likes u and cant help it. Ask her out and end the uncertainty!

 

[Callie]

Welcome to the forum

I agree, just ask her out. I know if I was the one to have to make all the moves, it would get pretty tiresome.

 

[Peter Lorre]

In a situation like this, you should always ask her out. What do you have to lose anyway?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Welcome to the forum

I agree, just ask her out. I know if I was the one to have to make all the moves, it would get pretty tiresome.

Thank you for the welcome

I forgot to make something a little clear in my OP actually. So far she's called me about 4 times ever since we've been hanging out. She pretty much never calls me or texts, even when she wasn't ignoring me - with regards to communication, she's pretty quiet.

I've had to arrange almost all the "dates" we've had so far. I cooled things off a little a couple of weeks back because I was getting fed up with doing all the work (exactly as in the post above - it was tiresome), and then she started acting more interested in me again.

Today I tried to ask her out - in the end I didn't because she managed to escape immediately after the lecture. It was like she was trying to get away as quickly as possible.

So from that, I feel like I should just give up. Weird thing was, she was looking at me all lecture and was smiling away at me earlier in the day...while again sitting away from me and so on.

Really does my head in, though I think I've about had it up to the eyeballs now! :rolleyes2:

 

[Zeek]

She doesn't know what she wants. Don't waste your time with her....she's just going to yank your chain and leave you frustrated in the end.

Play hard to get. Ignore her totally and see what happens. Some girls don't like to be chased. I know, as a guy it doesn't make sense but girls have told me this so it must be true...haha

 

[Callie]

She doesn't know what she wants. Don't waste your time with her....she's just going to yank your chain and leave you frustrated in the end.

Play hard to get. Ignore her totally and see what happens. Some girls don't like to be chased. I know, as a guy it doesn't make sense but girls have told me this so it must be true...haha

I can only speak for myself, but I ******* HATE games like that :club:


To the OP....Either count your loses or approach her and ask her to be your girlfriend. Only two things available if you don't wanna continue on the way you have been. Good luck in whatever you decide

 

[Zeek]

I can only speak for myself, but I ******* HATE games like that :club:

You know what Callie? I do too. I mean it. But I can't tell you how many times when I've blown it by trying to turn on the charm. In the end it just pushed the girl away further. And I know how the OP feels...believe me.

If she really likes you...let her come to you. "Doing all the work" now sets yourself up for "Doing all the work" in the relationship....is that what you want???

I've been there...done that. I've learned my lesson well.....

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs solitary man* welcome to the forum by the way
I've never had a gf either
But the problem is and I'll admit this
Girls are crazy we don't know what we want
One day we'll feel romantic. The next day we want to just be
left the fresia alone
I'd say tell this girl you like her and would maybe like to be her bf
But you are tired of her mixed signals explain this to her and if it doesn't get
better than maybe you should forget about her it doesn't do any good
to be with someone like that
Good luck

 

[Lonesome Crow]

She not giving mix singnals...ur not reading her correctly...

Dude.....Chase her FFS.
She backs away so you can chase her.

Not just saying hello.
Aske her to go do something
And be persistance about it.
Just reach over and hold her hands or kiss her...It donst have to be the perfevct moment or place...thats the perfect moment.

---

If she in a bad mood..dont sweat it.
Dont enternalize it...beside you dont want to be around her when shes feeling bad...she'll associte you with her bad feelings...

Well..when i get into a bad mood for whatever reasons...I wish not to ingauge with anyone...

So also have to understand..womenS body chemicle are all over the place.
Plus some women have very..very bad PMS...they dont get bitchy..but they feel very very bad. My Exgf say she feels dark .sinking and depressed and cramps and yeckkie....She wishes for me to not touch her or be sponken to.

This is were you gatta have a litle bit of patiences but still make your moves..

 

[Spare]

Ask her out. You'll have your answer, no matter if she says yes or no.

Good luck!

 

[Peter Lorre]

I'm serious, you need to ask her out. There's conflicting signals here, so there's grounds to base your actions on. Otherwise you'll just be asking yourself "what if" and you'll regret it for sure.

I hope it'll work out for you and I'll be cheering you on mentally! Knock 'em out the box!

 

[SofiasMami]

Today I tried to ask her out - in the end I didn't because she managed to escape immediately after the lecture. It was like she was trying to get away as quickly as possible.

Hi-
May I gently suggest that you move on.
Don't chase that down - I don't think she's interested.
I used to analyze and think about this and that, what did he mean when he said that, is he really interested, etc. I don't do that anymore and I take things at face value; life is so much easier now. If a guy walks away when they see me - Next! They're not interested and I'm not wasting my time.
Good luck!

Teresa

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Thanks for the replies guys (and girls), very helpful

I won't be seeing her until next week. I'm going for a mix of approaches now - I'm not going to contact her at all this weekend and if she is more receptive Monday I may ask her out.

If not I will do as Teresa suggested and move on, I think I feel ready to do that now if neccessary.

I'll let you know how it goes!

 

[Joseph]

Thank you for the welcome

I forgot to make something a little clear in my OP actually. So far she's called me about 4 times ever since we've been hanging out. She pretty much never calls me or texts, even when she wasn't ignoring me - with regards to communication, she's pretty quiet.

I've had to arrange almost all the "dates" we've had so far. I cooled things off a little a couple of weeks back because I was getting fed up with doing all the work (exactly as in the post above - it was tiresome), and then she started acting more interested in me again.

Today I tried to ask her out - in the end I didn't because she managed to escape immediately after the lecture. It was like she was trying to get away as quickly as possible.

So from that, I feel like I should just give up. Weird thing was, she was looking at me all lecture and was smiling away at me earlier in the day...while again sitting away from me and so on.

Really does my head in, though I think I've about had it up to the eyeballs now! :rolleyes2:

Sounds like she has read "The Rules". http://www.therulesbook.com/topten.html

 

[tangerinedream]

Sounds like she has read "The Rules". http://www.therulesbook.com/topten.html

Those are two scary-looking chicks. They're all pinched and tight and twisted about themselves and knotted-up. If that's what men really want, them I am screwed.

 

[Dessa]

Seems like she likes you. Maybe she feels that you're not reciprocating so she starts to doubt herself and will try not to look interested. I've done this a lot. Usually I'm feeling confident someone likes me then when that person doesn't seem to care I would stop interacting with tthat person. Then that person would act nice and whatnot and I'd start feeling comfortable. Maybe that's what's up.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yeap...ask her out. Then go from there. Keep it simple like that...

Those "what IF????" had me kicking myself in the head and really fucks with my selfesteem. Especaiily if I have OCD..its more than me just dwelling on that honeysuckle..

Thats what I do now..ask for what I want...if get it great...if I dont, thats find too. Im being true to myself.
No more what if...I can rest my head @ night and sleep like a baby.

---

If a woman rejects me...NEXT!!!!!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Tried to chat with her today, but she was talking to a bunch of her friends and I had to speak with someone else.

In the end I tried a call but got left on voicemail. After some internal arguing with myself I left a message.

I explained that I liked her a lot but I really didn't get what was going on lately. I asked if I'd annoyed or irritated her at all.

Anyway, no response all day, but I saw her final lecture of the day and she came and sat with me.

She explained that there is "nothing wrong" between us, but she needs "some space". As ambiguous as those terms are, I feel much, much better now. It was amazing, I didn't realise how down it was getting me, but her explanation was like a splinter being removed.

I've told her that's no problem and she proceeded to be a lot more chatty and her normal self. I'm not sure where things will go from here, but I feel great for the first time in a week or two.

Thanks very much to everyone who gave me advice, you helped relieve a weight from my shoulders.

I'll drop an update if any further progress occurs (even if it is me being dumped for more "space"!)