Gone

[ainulindale]

Why do I have any interest in people any more? For years I avoided others because I could--I didn't need them. I was happy by myself, alone and strange. I'm an adrenaline junkie--I skydive/BASE jump and ride a sportbike. I have an unfortunately addictive personality. People don't like me. I try but I get the same results each time--I just don't connect with them very well. It's like the whole world just wants to use you for whatever emotional need strikes them at any given moment in time. No one wants to have a deeper, closer relationship. I don't feel like I have a single soul in this world anymore. I'm always excluded from everything and I hate it. It's like: when I finally open up, when I finally have allowed myself to become part of another's world, I just get shut down as usual. No one cares...so why should I? I don't need someone to give a random self-esteem jump start...I need things to change--basically, I need an act of God. Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just need to tell someone.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just need to tell someone.

Welcome! This is the right place to vent! Ranting in real life usually comes off negatively.

You say people don't like you... Can you give us an example of something that you've experienced so we can help you out a bit more?

Sky diving's very fun. I have jumped a few times myself. See look, we could be friends!

 

[Pezza]

Welcome to the Forum

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome to the site. Rant away.

Btw, the sports you do...COOL!

 

[Jilted John]

Welcome to the site. Rant away.

Btw, the sports you do...COOL!

Sci rants good!

 

[ainulindale]

Thanks for the responses. To answer some of the above questions...I just don't feel like I have anything to talk about anymore. This leads many to believe that I'm stuck up or shady. An example would be: not getting responses from or ignored by former best friends or even new friends. I've become socially awkward...I don't feel like I know how to relate to others anymore. Most people just seem to want many loose friendships while I find myself yearning for fewer close relationships. The more I open myself to human relationships, the more disappointment I feel. I exist in a community where deaths happen all the time...1 in 60 BASE jumpers die. Are we just this jaded or are people in general this guarded?

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

...I just don't feel like I have anything to talk about anymore. This leads many to believe that I'm stuck up or shady. An example would be: not getting responses from or ignored by former best friends or even new friends. I've become socially awkward...I don't feel like I know how to relate to others anymore...

Please tell me you're not talking about Facebook. If you are I could go on for days about why you shouldn't base reality on what happens on a blogging website. Please reassure me that you're having trouble with life's good old social interactions with others - the ones that actually matter. If you are allowing Facebook to disturb you on a deep, emotional level, you need to talk to a counselor and learn how to ignore bullying & narcissistic behavior before you let it consume any more of your time.

You said you weren't looking for any support so I won't go on about what I think.

 

[Jester2]

I understand how crappy that must feel. I guess I've always been the opposite. My friends(At the time when I had them) would always invite me to things but I would almost never go. Now I have no friends and I get invited to nothing, lol. Also as far as social awkwardness, it happens. I used to feel that way in my early 20s. I don't want to diagnose you in not having confidence in yourself, but that is what my problem. Once I had a few ladies in my life tell me how I had the gift of gab or they love how I can just initiate conversations to strangers, I began to feel better about it and I love to hear myself talk.

 

[LinOh]

I think I understand where you're coming from. Personally, I've always been rather shy, so I have a hard time connecting with people and making friends. And frankly, I've always been kind of jealous of how other people seem to form close relationships so quickly and easily while I struggle to build relationships with people I've known for years. Even then, I often feel left out, out of touch and like I don't belong anywhere. Sometimes, it's them, but more often, I think it's me.
I think a lot of people are perfectly content with having many fair weather relationships with people they're not really all that close to. For example, the girls I work with act like really great friends, but if you talk to them individually, they all really hate each other. Over time, I've come to accept this and work hard to appreciate the very few friends I have even more.

 

[ainulindale]

You said you weren't looking for any support so I won't go on about what I think.

I didn't say I wasn't looking for any support, I just don't find value in random people telling me I should feel better about myself--no one here knows me, they don't know what I've done, they don't know how I act...so what makes them qualified to give me that kind of encouragement? I'm not trying to be mean, but that's just the way it is.

Also, I don't use facebook much and resisted it for the longest time so...no my social issues are with real people.

---

I think I understand where you're coming from. Personally, I've always been rather shy, so I have a hard time connecting with people and making friends. And frankly, I've always been kind of jealous of how other people seem to form close relationships so quickly and easily while I struggle to build relationships with people I've known for years. Even then, I often feel left out, out of touch and like I don't belong anywhere. Sometimes, it's them, but more often, I think it's me.
I think a lot of people are perfectly content with having many fair weather relationships with people they're not really all that close to. For example, the girls I work with act like really great friends, but if you talk to them individually, they all really hate each other. Over time, I've come to accept this and work hard to appreciate the very few friends I have even more.

Yes, this describes my situation very well.

I mentioned for years I had very little social interaction, and really, no friends. I was fine with it and quite happy. Since I've been interacting with more people recently, I find myself having the same problems I had in Middle School and High School: I simply don't relate with others. I like closer friendships, not "fair weather" friends. Yet, where in High School/College I could just be happy with no real friends, now I feel very alone and even emotionally dependent on others and I don't understand why.

 

[IambicBlonde]

To be honest, maybe you need an online outlet like this forum or elsewhere as a way to re-connect (or connect for the first time) with someone, so that you don't completely detach from people altogether. Again, it probably feels good just to rant and have it be seen by people. Sometimes with me it's good just to have my frustration heard by another as proof it exists; so it doesn't keep dwelling inside continuing to boil over. If that's the case with you, thanks for sharing and we're happy to listen. There's a lot of different people here; read the posts and see if anyone intrigues you or with whom you can relate. Despite whatever opinions you have with online communication. Anyway, just a thought.

So what do you like about people? And did you ever have a good relationship with anyone?

 

[ainulindale]

Just writing to say that I hate God, I hate life and everything in it.
I hate it all and I hope that God knows that I die hating Him most.