Greetings

[retypepassword]

A few of you may know me from the chat room, which I visited before I decided to make a post here.

I guess I'll start by introducing myself. I'm an eighteen-year-old male living in Northern California. I registered here after reading a fairly lengthy thread from several years ago that I felt was a reflection of my thoughts and emotions. Of course, I also peeked at several other threads just to reinforce my conclusions about the general population of this board. I don't know what I want from this board or what the board wants from me, but I guess I've just come to seek a haven where I can discuss how I feel with like-minded people who will actually understand my position and maybe even empathize.

I'm pretty sure I'm chronically depressed, and because I have no friends nearby, I've relied on the Internet for things to do, which has turned into an addiction. So now, I'm addicted to the Internet and I spend up to eight hours a day surfing the web on subjects that really shouldn't matter to me, looking up the same things over and over again and reading about them in multiple websites. As a result, I've been completely neglecting my studies. It's extremely difficult to convince myself to study, because passively browsing the web is so much easier. But at the end of the day, when I write in my diary and reflect on my actions, I always tell myself that I've wasted yet another day of my life doing nothing.

My depression is probably a result of the fact that I have no friends. In the chat room, SadRabbit said that friends are just people whom you hang out with, nothing more, but I don't even have that. It's extremely difficult finding people who share similar interests because mine are virtually non-existent. I only go through obsessions, and after I'm through with an obsession, it becomes a regular part of my life, I stop caring about it, and I move on. I haven't found anything sustaining. I guess I'll talk a little about my obsessions now that I'm on the topic:

Right now, I'm obsessed with veganism. My obsession has made me a vegan, and when I move on, being vegan will just be a regular part of my life. Currently, I spend entire days doing nothing but scour the Internet to learn more about veganism. Before this, it was Latin, programming, the dvorak keyboard layout, Linux, Starcraft, electricity and currents, and eyes. That's in reverse chronological order, from twelfth to second grade. I'm currently a freshman in uni. Whenever I get obsessed with something, it's all I ever talk about, and it's how others identify me. After a while, it gets boring and depressing, leading me to find something else over which I may become obsessed.

I know people with whom I may hang out, but whenever I do, I never know what they're talking about, so I feel like an outsider watching their conversation, unable to join in. My inability to join a conversation is mainly that I don't subscribe to pop. culture, and that's all anyone seems to talk about. All their relationships seem superficial, but at least they can talk to one another, have some sort of understanding, and just hang out. I don't have any of that. I'm too shy to find people to talk to and figure out if we share interests, so I'm always isolated; always depressed. I put on a content face to mask it, so that I don't worry anyone.

I can't find any ending to my thoughts, so I'll just stop. There's a lot of other issues I've gone through, but I'd rather not think about them. If you've read this far, thank you. I appreciate it. I haven't even begun to reveal my inner turmoil, but this is as far as I'll go for now.

If you've skipped everything above, read this: I'm lonely and depressed. That's all you need to know.

 

[Black Dragon]

Hello retype password, I'm in a similar situation as for the past three months I returned to an old forum haunt and found my life becoming centered around the internet and its people, and when things went a little sour because of ideological differences, I found myself fighting to be justified, in vain. I am a sophomore in uni and living at home, don't get out much and would consider myself largely antisocial. My reasons for feeling like an outsider in conversations may be different from what you described, because I am very shy and doubtful of my intelligence. I do sometimes think that many conversations are just too much work to get involved in, especially when they are of superficial substance. So basically, the internet became a safe-haven for me despite the trouble it has caused me these past few months. I come on because there is distance and control available, and I can try to experience some level of interaction. I too have spent up to eight hours just browsing anything that comes to my head, and I too am obsessive because to me, the object of obsession can be a pacifier in the short term, but poison during extended time. I have neglected my studies terribly for the past few months and despite my good academic standing as of now, I fear the finals will not go well at all. I too am addicted right now to the internet, and I am trying to work through that. I hope your situation can improve too... I would talk to others on a personal level but honestly these other folks I have struggled with on the internet from the other site have knocked my capacity for deep reciprocity out. I am just working on controlling my mind and not letting it control me as a member here said. Good luck to you and welcome.

 

[Minus]

Welcome

 

[Sanal]

hey retype Welcome to the forum dude

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome.

 

[Unacceptance]

Whatup.

 

[deliveryguy.]

I too ran into trouble at school (hard keeping focus and so forth), but i did manage to survive graduation. Got absolutely no idea what I wanna do with my life at this point, so now i'm just working at a somewhat dead-end job.

I'm also still living at home, and I know all about not having a lot of friends. You're not alone in your situation, tho that is pretty obvious, and it's not really any help in hearing it.

In any case, glad you decided to post, rtype. Welcome.

 

[Bluecrab]

Hello, I am new also. But I have found it to be a wonderful place. Welcome.