Growing Relationships

[SophiaGrace]

So,

People. They are so confusing. I look at them, i smile at them, walk by them and engage in short-pleasant conversations with them but I have no idea how to grow closer to them and build solid relationships with them.

How do I do this? How do I know who to be friends with and who to date?

 

[Jesse]

Indeed people are quite confusing.

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."
~ Samuel Beckett

good sig.

 

[BabyDoll]

date those who have simular values & morals
as your own. People who treat you like you
like to be treated. It's hard to meet people
who are right for you,but it's better to be
waiting than to be sad with a terrible person!

 

[Brian]

My observation and experience has been that friends come not so much through meetings or even social settings, but through networking around a task or organization, or through a shared routine. For some reason, it seems that people have to be brought together by something to mesh.

I might speak briefly with someone else in a store line about something that happens locally, but we don't really expect to see each other again. I smile at the office girl at my college center, but don't speak. I meet these people briefly...as much as I'd like to know some of them, there's nothing immediately in common, I suppose.

Beyond this there are people I see frequently in my routines. This one clerk at the deli/gas station I frequent knows my name and asks me about things. We joke and talk a little if she's not super busy with customers. The head waitress at my favorite cafe knows me by name and knows I don't need a menu. She knows I like frequent coffee refills, and we'll talk some. I've been over to her house a couple of times to fix her computer. She insists on paying me. But, we don't really hang out or anything.

But, the guys I used to work with, as much as we were asses to each other because that's how guys are when they labor all day and are stuck together for 10 hours, we shared camaraderie. We'd do something after work now and then with the boss, and had a couple of road trips for work-related things that were nonetheless fun.

My volunteer fire buddies I consider pals. We share a mission and dedication to an organization which brings us together to meet one another, and from there most of them evolved in to friends. We have lunch, hang out, go to classes together, fish, get firewood. We're busy a lot with our lives, but we relate beyond a professional level.


So I dunno. Besides the other losers/geeks I was able to hang out with in school, these are the only relations I've ever had with people, and hence the only observations I've been able to make. Hopefully it helps you find some sort of insight.

 

[Punisher]

My observation and experience has been that friends come not so much through meetings or even social settings, but through networking around a task or organization, or through a shared routine. For some reason, it seems that people have to be brought together by something to mesh.

I might speak briefly with someone else in a store line about something that happens locally, but we don't really expect to see each other again. I smile at the office girl at my college center, but don't speak. I meet these people briefly...as much as I'd like to know some of them, there's nothing immediately in common, I suppose.

Beyond this there are people I see frequently in my routines. This one clerk at the deli/gas station I frequent knows my name and asks me about things. We joke and talk a little if she's not super busy with customers. The head waitress at my favorite cafe knows me by name and knows I don't need a menu. She knows I like frequent coffee refills, and we'll talk some. I've been over to her house a couple of times to fix her computer. She insists on paying me. But, we don't really hang out or anything.

But, the guys I used to work with, as much as we were asses to each other because that's how guys are when they labor all day and are stuck together for 10 hours, we shared camaraderie. We'd do something after work now and then with the boss, and had a couple of road trips for work-related things that were nonetheless fun.

My volunteer fire buddies I consider pals. We share a mission and dedication to an organization which brings us together to meet one another, and from there most of them evolved in to friends. We have lunch, hang out, go to classes together, fish, get firewood. We're busy a lot with our lives, but we relate beyond a professional level.


So I dunno. Besides the other losers/geeks I was able to hang out with in school, these are the only relations I've ever had with people, and hence the only observations I've been able to make. Hopefully it helps you find some sort of insight.

Hmm, interesting response. Do I get a hug now?

 

[VanillaCreme]

date those who have simular values & morals
as your own. People who treat you like you
like to be treated. It's hard to meet people
who are right for you,but it's better to be
waiting than to be sad with a terrible person!

I agree. Although, I gave up on a decent relationship, being with someone who's similar to you helps. Not someone who just wants in your panties either. >_>

I'd stay away from that. It just shows how they really are. Personally, I'd rather be single than to be disastrous again. :3 But close friends help.

 

[EveWasFramed]

You know, Soph, sometimes you can try all you like to establish a relationship with someone (whether it be friendship or something more), but I've found that sometimes, it isn't about YOUR actions, but about the other person's actions. And as far as knowing who to choose for a friend and who to choose for something more....you never really know until it actually happens. You can date someone for months and then suddenly wake up and realize that they aren't who you thought they were. Same goes for friends.

 

[heretostay]

i think you have to get comfortable in your own skin first. and be patient. First, establish what you want in a friend. this is really important. you dont want to force a friendship to try and distract your loneliness. in the long run it will make things worse. i have a pretty strict criteria for friends, so i have to be patient. I'll talk to just about anyone, but im pretty limited on who i would consider a friend.

i never force anything. im casual with everyone and if i happen to click with someone i go with it. seems to work well for me. i dont get offended if someone doesnt seem to want to talk to me even if i want to talk to them. id rather they be honest about how they feel then try and force something they didnt really want. other people also have their idea of what they want in a friend. you may not meet that and that's ok.

just because you cant make a good friend, doesnt mean there's not value in superficial friends. so just keep talking to people and treat them like an ice cream shop- you just keep tasting new ice creams until you find one you really like.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

it's easier to build a friendship if you have something in common
with people...Sometype of a common bond...a hobby interest,
sometimes even sex

Most of the people that be friend me are becuase I'm laid back.
I'm a good listener and I have a good sense of humor.
Not all conversations have to be serious. It's a matter of building
trust. I don't think I'm less than or more than people.
I think everyone is different in thier own special way.
Some of my closest friends are the opposite sex.
Sometimes we just hang out...go for a stroll at the park
or just hang out in coffee shops....(Oh god, I don't go shoping with them)
Sometimes if she wants to or need to talk to me about
some deep personal issues. I'll mostly just listen. i don't judge
her or even give advice. I'm just there for her.

I met another friend a couple of weeks ago.
She's married and stuff like that...however she feels
she can talk to me as a person. i just listen to her.
She bascailly told me about half of her life and some pretty
personal stuff in an hour.

I met another male friend a month ago.
I'll call him every so often to talk to him.

My male friends are the same as far as trust.
Actaully i have a hard time trusting male friends than female friends.
My females friends bascailly have to help me, love me, hold me, let me cry in their arms.
Well...becuase I've had male friends messed my GFs...

I can probably hang out and talk to musicians all day long.

I also have a long time friend that I met at an R/C club. We can
talk about aviation all day long...sometimes our coversation will
spill into life issues. Well,...he's my friend and we can talk about
whatever.

It takes effort to build a relationship or friendship.
I call my friends or e-mail. Sometimes they're avaliable.
other time they're not...that's okay I don't trip.
Most people get back to me...

I don't bend over to get accepted anymore...those days are gone.
I'm continouslly evoling as a person and sometimes I'll go through changes
in my life..Other times...life on life's terms has me rattle, angery, or not feeling so good.
Sometimes..I'll bascailly shut people out of my life...bascailly some of my closest friends
today..calls me just so that I don't
For the most part I'm still me but a better version of me...
You'll either love me or you won't like me...but I'm not doing stupid honeysuckle just to feel accepted.

At this piont in my life...I aviod adbrasive people or manipulative
people. At the very least I'll keep a boundary..
IDK what to tell you or how I get a feel for some people.
Mostly eye contact to start off with....it's like looking into
a person's soul.

mmmm...well, for me.
I personally like to date a person with BOOBAYS and smells good
(i'm a guy )
If she's snotty or adbrasive..i don't care how good looking she
is...I'll still aviod her. I don't want that or need that in my life today.