Guilt and Regret

[stellar16]

My grandfather passed away couple of years ago... As a grandpa's girl it hurts to be in the home of the man I admire the most. I tried to avoid the place as much as I could. But in doing so, I lost my grandmother as well. .. Could've's, should've's,would've's filled my mind today... But still, it will never alter reality. Only the thought of her being peaceful and free from the torments of alzheimer's helps alleviate all the negativities i feel inside.

 

[Badjedidude]

Alzheimer's is a particularly horrible disease. It generally doesn't get a lot of press or attention because I feel like those who don't have firsthand experience with it don't quite understand how truly vile and demeaning it is. It takes away a person's dignity. It literally slowly erases a person from existence while they're still alive.

My grandpa had it. The male side of my family has a strong history of it and I live in a perpetual state of apprehension that it's what I'll be facing as I age myself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand what it can do to a family.

All I can say is that I understand the regrets you may be feeling about what happened with your grandmother. I think all you can do is what you've said yourself: Keep on living and try to understand that it's really nobody's fault that perhaps you weren't around when your grandmother was going through it. If she loved you, then she would probably understand that you were still grieving and in pain from your grandpa's death -- even if her mind wasn't whole, you have to remember her as she was before.

She probably would have understood, wouldn't she?

Anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[Gutted]

Hang in there young lady. I think it's fair to assume that your grandparents wouldn't want you to be sad. You have a choice to remember them the way you want. Try to remember the good things about them. They can live forever in good memories :]

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm so sorry, Stellar *hugs*