Happy neverafter

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Faded

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2024
Messages
9
Reaction score
13
Location
South Africa
True love, twin flames and happy ever after are such idealistic and over romanticized concepts. They allude to a deeper working of the world where things are meant to be, planned by destiny or even ordained by gods. They also portent to be traversable avenues to true happiness.

Yet in my life, and the lives of those I can observe around me the very opposite is true and the fantasy actually materializing very rare, but still many people think it's real and common. The closest to these concepts I have seen is being 'in love', a temporary phase when human beings overlook flaws and red flags, fueled by hormones and fantasies that harbor these conceptual fallacies. These bursts of euphoria result in kids and mortgages and picket fences, even tattoos of lover's names, but ultimately become remnants of broken relationships when the truths set in.

I think our perspective is warped, or maybe its just mine. Maybe people that have experienced the real world should review these fairytales. We need to realise that these fairytales have also resulted in an industry that seeks to make money, and they perpetuate these kind of lies.

Dating apps embrace the lies we perpetrate while being 'in love'. We appeal to hormones by presenting our best pictures to start the relationship, then most of us lie by omission in the bio to hide red flags and faults, and lie further in chat since being honest about personality faults won't lead to dates. Most people are looking for perfect, just look at the success of romance scammers who tell people what they want to hear. What a mess.

In the end, we are animals who evolved to produce kids no matter what for the sake of survival, and robust emotional constitutions to deal with the aftermath. Hope of finding true love or hope of gradually changing an existing partner into Mr or Mrs perfect is the way we cope with this reality, just like religion helps us cope with the existential problems of reality.

I think I'm better off alone than playing lottery with my heart. Maybe I'll still hope for true love just to appease my soul, or dream about it on careless days, but my mind understands reality. At least I have peace, but is it worth the loneliness? I don't think I can trade the peace and quiet or the freedom from abuse to gamble on the fabrications of my evolutionary compulsions anymore.

Sorry, I guess this just became a rant instead of a thread. It's probably a bunch of bs, but I feel relieved having said it. Mods can remove it if needed since I probably won't stick around anyway.
 
I think it's a well written thought-piece @Faded

What I'll call, 'the opportunists,' or, 'the vultures,' are quick to capitalize on us at almost every turn:
-expensive wedding rings for that special some one
-valentines day gift$
-our insecurities
-vacations

You name it.

As I was reading, I thought to myself, perhaps that idealized Love: partnership, some one to share our life with, is a bit like, 'the perfect day,' (weather wise, circumstance wise, etc..) Or, 'good days,' when the weather is just right, the timing is just right: when things come together in harmony.

I think that is more likely for some than others; and I think luck plays a part in it, timing, etc.. There are probably more beautiful days in tropical areas, though they have storms. And up north, it's always cold, but, if it's all you've known, and your are well suited to it, it can be quite beautiful, despite the harshness of the climate.

I do believe in the happily ever after, where things only continue to get better, does exist. But, maybe, Heaven on Earth, is not something that can be seen, unless under the right conditions; like, how, we can't always appreciate, or understand certain things, people, or circumstances, at face value, always.

I think we can cut, scrape, wound, and deceive ourselves by hanging onto or clinging to fantasies that are too far removed from reality; but, at the same time, I think being a hardened realist, can be equally devoid of meaning. I think each has it's place, and time.

I guess it's different for everyone. Perhaps some find their place of contentment and happiness, by giving up on trying to find it. And in giving up, suddenly they realize, though they haven't reached their destination, where they presently are at, isn't so bad, and may even have an exquisite remarkableness to it, that to a passerby, would have remained unseen.

And maybe beyond all that, within this life, and beyond it, there is always an element of surprise.

And for those who do find that special some one, in that special place, I'm glad at least some people have that, whether for a short time, or till the end.
 
True love, twin flames and happy ever after are such idealistic and over romanticized concepts. They allude to a deeper working of the world where things are meant to be, planned by destiny or even ordained by gods. They also portent to be traversable avenues to true happiness.

Yet in my life, and the lives of those I can observe around me the very opposite is true and the fantasy actually materializing very rare, but still many people think it's real and common. The closest to these concepts I have seen is being 'in love', a temporary phase when human beings overlook flaws and red flags, fueled by hormones and fantasies that harbor these conceptual fallacies. These bursts of euphoria result in kids and mortgages and picket fences, even tattoos of lover's names, but ultimately become remnants of broken relationships when the truths set in.

I think our perspective is warped, or maybe its just mine. Maybe people that have experienced the real world should review these fairytales. We need to realise that these fairytales have also resulted in an industry that seeks to make money, and they perpetuate these kind of lies.

Dating apps embrace the lies we perpetrate while being 'in love'. We appeal to hormones by presenting our best pictures to start the relationship, then most of us lie by omission in the bio to hide red flags and faults, and lie further in chat since being honest about personality faults won't lead to dates. Most people are looking for perfect, just look at the success of romance scammers who tell people what they want to hear. What a mess.

In the end, we are animals who evolved to produce kids no matter what for the sake of survival, and robust emotional constitutions to deal with the aftermath. Hope of finding true love or hope of gradually changing an existing partner into Mr or Mrs perfect is the way we cope with this reality, just like religion helps us cope with the existential problems of reality.

I think I'm better off alone than playing lottery with my heart. Maybe I'll still hope for true love just to appease my soul, or dream about it on careless days, but my mind understands reality. At least I have peace, but is it worth the loneliness? I don't think I can trade the peace and quiet or the freedom from abuse to gamble on the fabrications of my evolutionary compulsions anymore.

Sorry, I guess this just became a rant instead of a thread. It's probably a bunch of bs, but I feel relieved having said it. Mods can remove it if needed since I probably won't stick around anyway.

A very astute observation. If you happen to feel lonely because of your singleness, I'd recommend investing the time and effort you'd otherwise spend trying to get dates in trying to make some friends instead. The feelings and ideas that revolve around the fundamentally reproductive function of our species have been the subject of countless polemics throughout the ages, but no one has ever decried friendship. On the contrary, it has met with the nearly unanimous approval of the centuries, and shall be met with the approval of the centuries to come.

Do not think that what you wrote is untruthful or without value, the very nature, the structuring of the text shows it was well-thought-out and intended to have a deep scope. Feel free to create other threads if you should so desire, I believe there would be no opposition to that.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top