he apologized

[labelsorlove3]

In ninth grade I asked a guy from another high school if he would be my homecoming date. He said yes. The night I went to buy the dress with my mom he called and told my younger sister he couldn't go anymore. When I called him back he said it was because he didn't have money to buy the tickets. I told him my parents could pay but he still said no. the whole situation really messed up my self esteem and we never talked again. To this day I'm still paranoid a date or friends will stand me up or humiliate me.

A few days ago I saw him at a bar and I know he recognized me. It's been almost 13 years and he didn't say anything to me. Today I check my Facebook and he added me. Out of pure curiosity I added him just to see how his life turned out. He sent me a message saying "sorry for being a a hole all those years ago. I was a stupid kid back then. I was a huge piece of 'poop' I'm not that guy anymore I grew up a lot."

Well now he's in a seriousss relationship, has a good job, and fulfilling life. And here I am still traumatized by how he treated me. Of course I said I forgave him. But I don't think I ever will. I hate what he did to my confidence and how he thinks a Facebook apology will make it okay.

 

[Nightwing]

Clearly is the same weak guy if he's apologising via facebook message. Jus sayin *shrugs*

Do you think anything would ever make that right for you?

 

[Grackle]

I suppose people can change but it does make me question how the universe ticks, when I hear stories like yours. I don't know how but I do hope you can move on in your life.

 

[jaguarundi]

It was humiliating for you, but dwelling on the past and hating him for it isn't going to help you move on.

Why let a guy who even admits he was an arse ruin your confidence?
In the end only you can continue to allow that.

So don't...

 

[ladyforsaken]

It was humiliating for you, but dwelling on the past and hating him for it isn't going to help you move on.

Why let a guy who even admits he was an arse ruin your confidence?
In the end only you can continue to allow that.

So don't...

What jag said.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

This can be used as an evidence for those like you, who can dwell over people acting like him.
This is an evidence that often its other people who are at fault, and not us.

Regardless of you accepting or not accepting of his apology, you should realize that the problem was with him, not with you. This should help your self esteem.
Do not dwell in the past, more so if you now saw that it was him being a bad guy, and not you being undesirable (or what ever was the reason).

Heads up, I would say

 

[painter's radio]

Hi, it's an interesting topic, I think, which can sprout a few different conversations/thoughts and questions such as "Why do we apologise?" - do we do it to make the person we wronged feel better or to make ourselves feel better? Or both? In some cases it is clear but in most, not so much. I don't think the majority of people who apologise even know.

You know, if it hadn't have been him that hurt you, it would have been someone else. I am easily hurt myself so in no way blame you for feeling the way you did/do, but I also find it hard to blame him for your years of hurt, or rather one person in particular, because as I said I know what it is like to be sensitive to these things, to have this curse of, shall we say, thin skin.

But I think it can be seen as a positive thing that he apologised to you. While it obviously (probably) didn't affect him to the extent it affected you, it really could have played on his mind from time-to-time, over the years. He could have thought about you and what he did and really wished he had done things differently... it could have even brought him his own problems from the guilt of treating someone poorly. I know my poor choices in life towards others have haunted me.
I think he was scared back then and he was scared at the bar too. I know it is difficult to "forgive" someone for this, or to let go of those feelings, but does his apology not in some way give you hope, that people - often the ones we see as monsters and life-wreckers, can change and do at least have a conscience?