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Lonely virgin

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Jan 18, 2024
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Hello everyone I’m a 30 year old friendless male virgin who never had sex with women before and never dated or never married women before. I also have no friends and no social life. I work as sign holder and snow shoveler in the winters along with mascot in the summers. I have anxiety which affected me when I started normal high school because I thought I was gonna fail normal high school since I was in special Ed from grades 4 to 8 because of a low iq which I scored 55 to 70 as kid. I finished high school in four years and took summer school to pass two courses. I worked at warehouse jobs and retail store jobs from 18 to 27 until Covid happened lasting two to three months because I was worried about my job performance if I was compotent enough or not if I was in the right job and I didn’t have good listening skills in noisy environment. I also didn’t have good motor skills and I remember one warehouse job I had to cut something and I ruined it since I didn’t have good motor skills so I got depressed and quit since I didn’t want to waste time so I turned to alcohol to fuel my depression. I was also a moderate alcoholic but I’m four months sober. I’m on psych meds for anxiety and depression which are lexpro and respridone. I’m on naltrexone for moderate alcohol use disorder. I went to college at 20 and graduated at 24 in a two year college business administration program in four years because I dropped three courses one of them twice I was worried that I was gonna fail and get a low gpa but I took summer class and passed all three courses with a 3.46 gpa. So far I been working sign holder jobs since 26 and I’ve gotten emails saying I have done a wonderful job with the sign holder position. In my current sign holder job the managers and owner are saying I’m doing a great job and invited me to a Christmas party last year and I been with the company since 2021. I work as mascot in the summer since I was 29 and they said I did a good job and keep inviting me in the summers. I work as a snow shoveler in the winters in my neighborhood since I was 10 and I’m good at it.
 
Involuntary celibacy also hurts. It hurts knowing one can't have the healing, soothing, thrilling touch of a lover.
 
Are you trying to tell me nobody has sex with sex workers? lol, get on it. Australia is progressive. It's not illegal here anymore. Brothels just have to be registered, at least in my state.
They do but some can go to prison in Canada if the sex worker turns out to be underage. Look what happened to Lawerance Taylor in USA.
 
I don't think there is any point talking about sex workers.
It's a non-solution.
Don't go down that road, don't let society/the social order sh*t on your dignity by giving in and accepting the insult. I don't even know how it is a temptation, it's disgusting. All I think about are the diseases, and the humiliation. That's enough to put me off it.

Instead I would try to be more observant and think through what seems to work, and try to understand why.
Try to reverse-engineer attraction, if you can.
I think it's all about creating a life where you're comfortable with yourself (not necessarily the comfort zone though - a comfort zone of feeling lousy, is very possible when it's just what you're used to, it just becomes "life").

Anything is better than accepting the complete, utter, and permanent humiliation that one is so inherently worthless and inferior, that they have to pay and risk serious disease and breaking the law, for something that to most people is a given.

Much like a felony, once done, you can't go back and undo it, no matter what happens in your life.
Once you pay for it, you'll always be someone that paid for it.

I don't know about others, but I could never live with myself after that.
 
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I don't think there is any point talking about sex workers.
It's a non-solution.
Don't go down that road, don't let society/the social order sh*t on your dignity by giving in and accepting the insult. I don't even know how it is a temptation, it's disgusting. All I think about are the diseases, and the humiliation. That's enough to put me off it.
Ska, there are “levels” of sex worker. Nobody is suggesting to go with a drug addled disease ridden filthy road rat. Of course you’re put off by what you conceive of it, but when you are aware of better, then it’s a whole different story. If one is eager to try sex and haven’t the opportunity like others, then it’s a very viable option. If you have the funds. Cheap sex workers you can forget about. One has to pay for quality. Nobody is sh*tting on anyone’s dignity. As I said, it’s an option for those who really want to experience an intimacy they’ve never known and may never know.
 
Ska, there are “levels” of sex worker. Nobody is suggesting to go with a drug addled disease ridden filthy road rat. Of course you’re put off by what you conceive of it, but when you are aware of better, then it’s a whole different story. If one is eager to try sex and haven’t the opportunity like others, then it’s a very viable option. If you have the funds. Cheap sex workers you can forget about. One has to pay for quality. Nobody is sh*tting on anyone’s dignity. As I said, it’s an option for those who really want to experience an intimacy they’ve never known and may never know.

It's not so much the levels that's the issue with me. It's the whole concept.

Even the "high class" ones, even if there was some way to have a 100% guaranteed chance of no diseases, it's the idea that, like I said - once you pay for it, you are accepting society's insult that you are so inherently inferior that you have to resort to paying for what normal people get for free just as a natural part of life.

As long as you don't accept the insult, you can still hold your head up high.

I have an admittedly hard-line stance on this. Pride and dignity are very important to me. Maybe others don't see it the way I do, or feel this strongly about it. But I can only imagine that paying for it makes a guy feel sh*ttier, not awesome. It just confirms that they really aren't good enough to attract someone like a normal person.

I just don't think it's a good idea for a person who is already likely suffering from self-esteem issues, to do something that confirms that they are right to feel low self-esteem.
 
It's not so much the levels that's the issue with me. It's the whole concept.

Even the "high class" ones, even if there was some way to have a 100% guaranteed chance of no diseases, it's the idea that, like I said - once you pay for it, you are accepting society's insult that you are so inherently inferior that you have to resort to paying for what normal people get for free just as a natural part of life.

As long as you don't accept the insult, you can still hold your head up high.

I have an admittedly hard-line stance on this. Pride and dignity are very important to me. Maybe others don't see it the way I do, or feel this strongly about it. But I can only imagine that paying for it makes a guy feel sh*ttier, not awesome. It just confirms that they really aren't good enough to attract someone like a normal person.

I just don't think it's a good idea for a person who is already likely suffering from self-esteem issues, to do something that confirms that they are right to feel low self-esteem.
Of course you’re entitled to your point of view, but I don’t see it that way. Maybe the fact that you see it way is one of things that holds you back in life. You think too much that things “should” be a certain way, and regularly put the blame on things that are just too random, but the actual reality is what must be endured, so there’s no need to deny yourself something just because of some misaligned feeling of pride and dignity. Martyrdom is a non-solution too my friend.
 
Of course you’re entitled to your point of view, but I don’t see it that way. Maybe the fact that you see it way is one of things that holds you back in life. You think too much that things “should” be a certain way, and regularly put the blame on things that are just too random, but the actual reality is what must be endured, so there’s no need to deny yourself something just because of some misaligned feeling of pride and dignity. Martyrdom is a non-solution too my friend.

I don't know, I think this is a point we'll have to agree to disagree on. Sorry if I seemed like I snapped a little. I feel strongly about it is all. I just don't think it's a good thing to do.

I feel sheepish, cause I just realized this was an intro thread (title should have given it away...d'oh). So I'll probably leave it there for my own views.
 
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Hello everyone I’m a 30 year old friendless male virgin who never had sex with women before and never dated or never married women before. I also have no friends and no social life. I work as sign holder and snow shoveler in the winters along with mascot in the summers. I have anxiety which affected me when I started normal high school because I thought I was gonna fail normal high school since I was in special Ed from grades 4 to 8 because of a low iq which I scored 55 to 70 as kid. I finished high school in four years and took summer school to pass two courses. I worked at warehouse jobs and retail store jobs from 18 to 27 until Covid happened lasting two to three months because I was worried about my job performance if I was compotent enough or not if I was in the right job and I didn’t have good listening skills in noisy environment. I also didn’t have good motor skills and I remember one warehouse job I had to cut something and I ruined it since I didn’t have good motor skills so I got depressed and quit since I didn’t want to waste time so I turned to alcohol to fuel my depression. I was also a moderate alcoholic but I’m four months sober. I’m on psych meds for anxiety and depression which are lexpro and respridone. I’m on naltrexone for moderate alcohol use disorder. I went to college at 20 and graduated at 24 in a two year college business administration program in four years because I dropped three courses one of them twice I was worried that I was gonna fail and get a low gpa but I took summer class and passed all three courses with a 3.46 gpa. So far I been working sign holder jobs since 26 and I’ve gotten emails saying I have done a wonderful job with the sign holder position. In my current sign holder job the managers and owner are saying I’m doing a great job and invited me to a Christmas party last year and I been with the company since 2021. I work as mascot in the summer since I was 29 and they said I did a good job and keep inviting me in the summers. I work as a snow shoveler in the winters in my neighborhood since I was 10 and I’m good at it.

Hi there.

Sorry I didn't realize this was your intro thread before, my mistake.

I get your frustrations. I've always worried about my competence too, especially because a lot of the time I haven't been interested in what I'm doing, so it's hard to want to be competent at something your heart is not into, and therefore you don't naturally hold your attention on it.

And I get the appeal of alcohol in times like this. I'd probably drink more myself, but watching my weight keeps me from doing it.

You seem to paint a clear picture with your words, your story is coherent and your vocab is good. You don't come across as low IQ to me. I think anxiety can cut into mental performance, I know it cuts into mine.

Anyway. One thing I wish I realized before was the importance of knowing yourself, so you can know what you want. If you don't aim yourself at something specific, you're probably not going to end up anywhere you like, because you're relying entirely on blind luck to get you there.

What kinds of things are you interested in?
What kinds of jobs do you want?
What kind of life do you need, in order to feel better about yourself?
 
relationships, unless one is perfectly matched, can be very hard work. there will be times when one wants solitude.
 

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