Hopeless Case

[shylittlekitten]

Hi...

Its really hard for me to talk to people. I think I come off as cold, sometimes.People get frusterated and don't know how to act around me.

I sometimes feel like they are expecting something from me or like I should react a certain way, and it just confuses me so I do and say nothing. That's usually my default reaction if I get nervous or scared. Nothing. Doesn't mean that I don't care. I think sometimes people say things on purpose to try to irritate me, and I can tell, but I don't know what they are wanting from me.

I am a very loesome person. I like attenton. I can be very affectionate, just not super converational. I've been working on it, making my self talk to other people, online a lot, but even sending e-mails makes me nervous. "what should I say? is this appropriate? What if this person stops talking to me because I say something rediculous?"

I know I think about it too much. I spend so much time worrying about what is socially acceptable to say that I can't be myself. And since I have such a hard time talking, what is "myself" actually like?

Being a lone too long makes me grumpy and depressed. But I can only be around people for so long before I get scared and go hide. =(


Anywho..... just wanted to say... if anyone just wants someone to tell all their problems too, I am non judgemental. I like reading e-mails. I try to send them back, sometimes it just takes me a few hours to figure out what to say back.

 

[Woj]

I'm like you. It would be easier for us to interact with others if we weren't so internally focused. These perceived expectations from others are also a source of anxiety for me. Sometimes I can see their confusion and it's frustrating, but I'm not really that strange! Maybe I'm not easily readable. I think some people hate it when they can't categorize you straight away and it also makes them uncomfortable. The ultra-awareness of your own social interections can be really draining. I'm also in two minds about wanting to reach out to someone, and on the other hand, just wanting to run away. I think that's called cognitive dissonance -- to have two conflicting ideas at the same time. Anyway I hope this post helped you in some way, knowing that some random guy online (that's me) knows how you feel

 

[Tex Is Lost]

I'm Glad you posted. Talking, at least here is actually kind of easy. Don't be afraid of having what you say being seen as, "ridiculous". There will always be someone, like yours truly, who will come along and say something really dumb.

Many people here will express thoughts similar to those you have expressed.

In any case, welcome.

 

[shylittlekitten]

Thanks guys. I feel a little bit better.

still trying to figure out how do deal with this. I have tried talking about it, it usually freaks people out when I do.

And I don't know how to handle it when a person gets frusterated with me. Unfortunately that just makes me more nervous and they get the blank stare.

Its a vicious circle... lol. Just curious how other people handle this situation...

 

[blue_azure]

Uh...... I am poor with comfort, so I offer you a lame joke. (My specialty

Your window needs to go to the doctor.

Why?

Because it has a pane/pain.

 

[Mr.Solution]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONELY DUDES! It's been a while (like 3-4 months) since I had a peek in this site. Of course I was BANNED. I knew I would be banned. But it was not permanent so here I am! Mr.Solution is here to screw with all u mad dogs!!
(I heard that your mama's so hairy that when she talks the words come out like krrrooom....)

 

[EveWasFramed]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONELY DUDES! It's been a while (like 3-4 months) since I had a peek in this site. Of course I was BANNED. I knew I would be banned. But it was not permanent so here I am! Mr.Solution is here to screw with all u mad dogs!!
(I heard that your mama's so hairy that when she talks the words come out like krrrooom....)

OK then...you're toast...for good this time.

 

[Badjedidude]

Haha wtf... Mr. Solution came back?

What a little *****.

Glad he's permagone this time.

@shylittlekitten: No one's case is hopeless. Welcome to the site.

 

[badaboom]

just say what comes to your mind. i think you are thinking so hard about what to say it makes u nervous that u dont wanna say somethin stupid or make u look dumb. dont be scared.

 

[sydney]

ITS SO FUNNY WATCHING THE "MODERATORS" FIRING PEOPLE FOR TRIVIAL THINGS ITS A @#$%# WEBSITE ITS NOT THE REAL WORLD !!!! SOMETIMES I THINK THE INTERNET SHOULD BE BANNED TO GET PEOPLE OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD A LITTLE MORE

 

[Fragile]

Hi...

Its really hard for me to talk to people. I think I come off as cold, sometimes.People get frusterated and don't know how to act around me.

I sometimes feel like they are expecting something from me or like I should react a certain way, and it just confuses me so I do and say nothing. That's usually my default reaction if I get nervous or scared. Nothing. Doesn't mean that I don't care. I think sometimes people say things on purpose to try to irritate me, and I can tell, but I don't know what they are wanting from me.

I am a very loesome person. I like attenton. I can be very affectionate, just not super converational. I've been working on it, making my self talk to other people, online a lot, but even sending e-mails makes me nervous. "what should I say? is this appropriate? What if this person stops talking to me because I say something rediculous?"

I know I think about it too much. I spend so much time worrying about what is socially acceptable to say that I can't be myself. And since I have such a hard time talking, what is "myself" actually like?

Being a lone too long makes me grumpy and depressed. But I can only be around people for so long before I get scared and go hide. =(


Anywho..... just wanted to say... if anyone just wants someone to tell all their problems too, I am non judgemental. I like reading e-mails. I try to send them back, sometimes it just takes me a few hours to figure out what to say back.

I feel pretty much the same way as you just described.

Feels like a dead end street for me aswell, I've referred to myself as a "basket case" for a (far too) long time now.

I feel like I somehow have to resolve my situation with this social anxiety or perish in an utter loneliness that becomes more and more depressing with each passing day.

The question is how? I have tried to talk to people, I really have, but I seem to always (or at least most of the time) come off as awkward and wierd. Some people even shuns away from me I've noticed, and in my head it's all my fault ofcourse, but I try to not see everyone else as "normal" (they might be just as scared as I am for all I know).

I just have to keep trying I guess, but it's so freaking difficult.

 

[Sling]

Hi...

Its really hard for me to talk to people. I think I come off as cold, sometimes.People get frusterated and don't know how to act around me.

I sometimes feel like they are expecting something from me or like I should react a certain way, and it just confuses me so I do and say nothing. That's usually my default reaction if I get nervous or scared. Nothing. Doesn't mean that I don't care. I think sometimes people say things on purpose to try to irritate me, and I can tell, but I don't know what they are wanting from me.

I am a very loesome person. I like attenton. I can be very affectionate, just not super converational. I've been working on it, making my self talk to other people, online a lot, but even sending e-mails makes me nervous. "what should I say? is this appropriate? What if this person stops talking to me because I say something rediculous?"

I know I think about it too much. I spend so much time worrying about what is socially acceptable to say that I can't be myself. And since I have such a hard time talking, what is "myself" actually like?

Being a lone too long makes me grumpy and depressed. But I can only be around people for so long before I get scared and go hide. =(


Anywho..... just wanted to say... if anyone just wants someone to tell all their problems too, I am non judgemental. I like reading e-mails. I try to send them back, sometimes it just takes me a few hours to figure out what to say back.

I see a lot of myself in what you say. Sometimes I spend a lot of effort trying to appear cool or whatever, by not going out of my way to give people too "intense" of a response when they try to communicate with me. Oftentimes people think that I'm being cold, distant, or uncaring. I also try to imitate what I think is socially acceptable when I'm with company, and I think the result of that is that I don't stand out. It makes me question just who and what I am and how I identify myself.

I try to force myself to just do and say what I feel like, without worrying about whether it will be accepted by others. The fact is, there are going to be people who don't like you and decide you aren't "good enough" or whatever. Those people will always be around.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to convince yourself that you deserve to do and be what makes you happy. You can't focus on getting approval from other people - because you don't just automatically owe people a desire to win their respect, they have to earn it first. Think about the fact that other people will want you to like them too, once they get to know you - actually, I'd bet some already do.

So please don't feel like you have to worry about figuring out the right thing to say back. If you have something to say that you think will sound awkward or silly, just say it anyway, chances are it won't be. Saying what you have to say is how people learn about you. I'm very non-judgmental too, so I hope you respond.

 

[freedom]

hmmm... it sounds to me like you're an introvert... just like me!

i know exactly where you're coming from, buddy. i used to be that way, and sometimes i still act that way, especially at work. my co-workers will joke around with me (in a friendly manner) and try and get me to talk and open up, and sometimes i'm just like, "what do you want from me? i don't know how to act/respond". i understand that they're just trying to be my friends, but i'm not really one to nurture an acquaintance into a friendship. friendship comes very hard for me, but that's no surprise being an introvert.

all i can say is just keep working on your social skills. i like to pretend that i'm not me, but rather someone else. i'll pretend to be michael westen from burn notice, or james bond, or just a really funny, really popular movie star or rock star that everyone likes, and just talk to anyone about anything. when i pretend to be someone else, things just go smoothly.

i wish you luck in your ventures.

 

[jjam]

I've been a message board junkie since 1999, the year in which I got my first computer. Though not entirely to blame, I believe this has contributed tremendously to the diminishment of my drive to participate and perform well in casual oral conversations. Oral conversations are rarely pursued by me. I tell myself I am more confident with the written than the spoken but why should that be the case? Perhaps this is due in great part to the fact that I've grown to enjoy taking my time to articulate my thoughts. Unfortunately, the time one has to think before submitting or even typing a word of a post is not allowed in an oral discussion that's to be anything but awkward.

I believe poor practices and the sheer imbalance between oral and written communication endeavors have impacted me negatively in other aspects of my being, and vice versa. Did I develop a monotonous tone out of practice or does this emerge as a result of where my spirit has been for the past...****.... not sure a decade would cover it... Replying with "nothing's wrong" or "I'm ok" is not going to help to complete a convincing facade if I look and sound like **** while saying it. lol...

Last night I forced myself to have two 30-1hr long phone conversations, both with women. Considering my deficiency of practice with phone conversations, I'd say they went rather well. There were strange moments (likely not a mutual feeling but maybe). Nevertheless, I survived. It was nice to have tried. And I will try again! :shy:

 

[carina6192]

i was just wondering.... what kind of environment do you live in? is your house generally clean or messy? this can make a difference in how you feel

 

[PsychoBilli]

I've been in situations where people seemed to have some expectation of me. When I feel like I'm on the spot I tend to freeze up. Yet there are times when the situation is reversed, and I just let the situation get bizarre.

Like this one time I was in my friend's dorm room, and he had a girl up. She was wearing my friend's Boogie Nights hat, which said "Pornstar." So I asked, "Why are you wearing a hat that says 'Pornstar.'"

She responds, "Because I'm a porn star!"

I ask, "So what movies have you been in?"

"Oh, you wouldn't know them."

I matter of factly stated, "Actually, I probably would."

Her eyes went wide and she looked away and said, "Ooookaayyyy."

I didn't say it because it was true, and I knew what she was going to think, but I didn't care. I just wanted to see the reaction. But in that situation there was no expectation of me. When there is an expectation of me I just hit the wall. It's almost like I can't take my own medicine.

Something I've been trying lately is just to be more vocal. Wish people getting off the elevator to have a nice day, say please or thank you at any possible opportunity. Say hi to people who seem to take even an arbitrary notice of me. I figure if I can make the vocal cords work nonchalantly, then maybe I'll be less inclined to freeze in those trouble moments.