Wandering about the city with nothing to do

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ardour

Well known loser
Joined
Jul 26, 2011
Messages
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Location
New Zealand
I've spent my entire life in the same place. This means I'm able to picture what the city was like decades ago, and suddenly I'm transported back 20 years, in the blink of an eye, to when I wasn't a middle aged man and there was still some hope.

In reality, these days it's just a lot of pointless meandering about the inner city with nowhere to go and no-one to talk to. Browse a record store. Coffee at some cafe. Hipster SH clothing store. Cafe again. Most Saturdays are like this. Force myself to the gym for a late night workout, then walk past hundreds of young people lining up outside the clubs as I catch a bus home to an empty house.

I'm starting to find comfort in the familiar, but being a regular at certain places also makes me paranoid about what the staff think.

I'm worried I'll gradually turn into that annoying sort of individual most people cringe at having to deal with - the lonely old man who walks about aimlessly, testing peoples' patience by starting random conversations with strangers or service staff: looking for some kind of connection to momentarily alleviate his loneliness.

Those old men used to embarrass the hell of out me, but I've a lot more sympathy for this type of fellow now. It's just a matter of 10-15 years before I'll lose my mind and become one of them.
 
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Do you ever watch old reruns of Seinfeld? There’s an episode that comes to mind where George decides to do the complete opposite of what he’d normally do in life, to great success. Instead of being ‘polite George’ at a job interview, he speaks his mind and lands a dream job with the New York Yankees. Instead of being intimated by women (people), he goes right up to them. Instead of ordering the same old food at the cafe, he orders something completely different.

Maybe do yourself a favour and try doing something out of your comfort zone.You said so yourself, “I’m starting to feel comfort in the familiar . . . ” So do something completely and unequivocally NOT you and see what happens. Seems to me you’ve got nothing to lose. 🤷‍♀️
 
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Do you ever watch old reruns of Seinfeld? There’s an episode that comes to mind where George decides to do the complete opposite of what he’d normally do in life, to great success. Instead of being ‘polite George’ at a job interview, he speaks his mind and lands a dream job with the New York Yankees. Instead of being intimated by women (people), he goes right up to them. Instead of ordering the same old food at the cafe, he orders something completely different.
Didn't he also start anticipating doing the opposite, then it was no longer the opposite of his intuition, and suddenly he's back to square one again.

I take your point, been to dozens of meetup events, but I've been disappointed with people my age too many times and it all feels hollow now. Part of me just wants to zone out.
 
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Part of me just wants to zone out.
Why not just focus on something different? If you really feel that what you want is unattainable, then refocus on a new and different aspect of life and find some meaning. If you just keep hammering into your skull that what you want you'll never have and anything that draws attention to the things you crave and can't have, you'll just drive yourself bonkers and into a terrible spiraling depression. You're still and young enough and able enough to discover a new path.
 
I'm worried I'll gradually turn into that annoying sort of individual most people cringe at having to deal with - the lonely old man who walks about aimlessly, testing peoples' patience by starting random conversations with strangers or service staff: looking for some kind of connection to momentarily alleviate his loneliness.
I agree with everything Ringwood said, but I want to comment about this part. Who got it stuck in your head that people find that type of people annoying, cringe-worthy and deserving of pity? Sure, some people probably think that way, but certainly not everyone. I know a lot of people like that and I enjoy talking to them, so do a lot of other people.
It doesn't matter if you are lonely or happily married, rich, poor, whatever....someone, somewhere is going to be annoyed by them and test their patience. It's not about what or who you have in your life. It's about what you bring to the conversation.
 
I agree with everything Ringwood said, but I want to comment about this part. Who got it stuck in your head that people find that type of people annoying, cringe-worthy and deserving of pity? Sure, some people probably think that way, but certainly not everyone. I know a lot of people like that and I enjoy talking to them, so do a lot of other people.
It doesn't matter if you are lonely or happily married, rich, poor, whatever....someone, somewhere is going to be annoyed by them and test their patience. It's not about what or who you have in your life. It's about what you bring to the conversation.
All the interactions I've seen have involved people getting visibly annoyed or uncomfortable with this type of person. I doubt you'd be any different if a 60 year old man started a long conversation with in you in public, probably of a personal nature, that presumed upon your time and good will. Obvious displays of neediness ring alarm bells in most people.
 
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There's a well known bloke in my town as you describe. Practically every business in the CBD has a restraining order against him as do numerous individuals. He's an absolute nuisance and has appeared before the judge on several occasions due to his behaviour.
 
I've spent my entire life in the same place. This means I'm able to picture what the city was like decades ago, and suddenly I'm transported back 20 years, in the blink of an eye, to when I wasn't a middle aged man and there was still some hope.

In reality, these days it's just a lot of pointless meandering about the inner city with nowhere to go and no-one to talk to. Browse a record store. Coffee at some cafe. Hipster SH clothing store. Cafe again. Most Saturdays are like this. Force myself to the gym for a late night workout, then walk past hundreds of young people lining up outside the clubs as I catch a bus home to an empty house.

I'm starting to find comfort in the familiar, but being a regular at certain places also makes me paranoid about what the staff think.

I'm worried I'll gradually turn into that annoying sort of individual most people cringe at having to deal with - the lonely old man who walks about aimlessly, testing peoples' patience by starting random conversations with strangers or service staff: looking for some kind of connection to momentarily alleviate his loneliness.

Those old men used to embarrass the hell of out me, but I've a lot more sympathy for this type of fellow now. It's just a matter of 10-15 years before I'll lose my mind and become one of them.
Hello, read a book called; "The subtle art of not giving a f##k". You're in it, along with millions of others. If you do choose it, go the audible version, there is some boring content.
 
Part of the problem may be exactly that: you've lived in the same place for too long.


A lot of places can be much the same from place to place. But there are also cases where the differences are night and day. Or both at the same time: some things much the same, others, completely different.

The only problem is, where ever you go, there you are. Sometimes we bring who we are trying to get away from, with us, when we move somewhere new. I suppose in some cases, that could be a good thing, or work to one's advantage. Other times, maybe not so much.

But with psychoactive compounds like LSD and Psychedelic mushrooms, it's always imperative that a potential initiate, understand the concept of, 'set and setting.' And, even in daily life, with base state consciousness (which can be subject to extreme states of consciousness all on it's own), the set and setting is quite profound. That's why people go on, 'trips' (vacations). It's a change of scenery. Sometimes a vacation is just what the doctor ordered. Other times it's a disaster. Other times it's, 'meh.'

Unfortunately, when some one is in a quicksand situation... What can you really do to pull yourself out of it? (In thinking about it, such situations are counter-intuitive. Instead of struggling to escape, you must relax).

A dark and broody mindset is going to be blind to a lot of things. And speaking as a thinky type person; man, some of the simplest solutions elude me, simply because I lack a lot of wordly experience.

So, having lived in the same place for so long, it may seem like there isn't much new to try or do (and perhaps there isn't). And if certain mental pathways are so hard-wired into a person's psyche, even if they travel or move somewhere, they may just bring the dark clouds with them wherever they go.

So I dunno.
 
When there is nothing you can do, what can you do?

Maybe one day you'll wake up and say: "fresia this Lonely Life," and disappear from it, for the rest of your life..!
fresia <-- see? Proof positive it's F*ckin' retarded.
 
I've spent my entire life in the same place. This means I'm able to picture what the city was like decades ago, and suddenly I'm transported back 20 years, in the blink of an eye, to when I wasn't a middle aged man and there was still some hope.

In reality, these days it's just a lot of pointless meandering about the inner city with nowhere to go and no-one to talk to. Browse a record store. Coffee at some cafe. Hipster SH clothing store. Cafe again. Most Saturdays are like this. Force myself to the gym for a late night workout, then walk past hundreds of young people lining up outside the clubs as I catch a bus home to an empty house.

I'm starting to find comfort in the familiar, but being a regular at certain places also makes me paranoid about what the staff think.

I'm worried I'll gradually turn into that annoying sort of individual most people cringe at having to deal with - the lonely old man who walks about aimlessly, testing peoples' patience by starting random conversations with strangers or service staff: looking for some kind of connection to momentarily alleviate his loneliness.

Those old men used to embarrass the hell of out me, but I've a lot more sympathy for this type of fellow now. It's just a matter of 10-15 years before I'll lose my mind and become one of them.

I hear you. I've spent the vast majority in the same place too. A lot of where I live is familiar also.
But a lot of my issues revolve around WHO I am, not WHERE I am. As long as I'm still like this, I'd have the same problem here as I would anywhere else.

I've never been a regular anywhere, but then again, if it's any comfort, I'm not sure the staff are thinking anything negative about your visits. They're probably just going through their daily routines as well.

There are people that I'm afraid of becoming like, also, so I get your fear there.

All I can think to say is, what would you rather do, where would you rather be, WHO would you rather be instead?
 
NM Just another pointless ramble. So I guess Ceno's done with us eh? :sneaky:
 
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NM Just another pointless ramble. So I guess Ceno's done with us eh? :sneaky:

I don't think it's pointless, because the situation clearly made you feel strongly enough to make the post in the first place.

As for Ceno, I don't know. It seems that a lot of the people that were active these last few years, have disappeared.
 

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