Hopelessly Suicidal.....

[Daisy]

Chyrux, I was where you are. I walked around with a suicide note in my pocket looking for the perfect opportunity to jump in front of a truck. I was in so much debt that I dreaded answering a knock at the door because I knew it could be someone looking for me. Now though I have a lovely house, a great job and money in the bank. My credit has been great for a long time.

If you kill yourself then that is it. Nothing will ever change. If you hang on and life your life and take the rough bits then time passes and everything that was tearing you to pieces passes with it. I have kept a diary for the past 26 years and it really helps me to read back to times when I thought everything was hopeless and realising now that this wasn't the case. Sometimes I can barely remember the details.

Just carry on living your life. Think of the people you have yet to meet and the experiences you have yet to have. There will be highs to balance out the lows.

 

[Ahelpinghand]

I was in the exact same position, nobody knew and yet they knew they didn't know. To me it was so obvious and i wanted them to say it, i wanted them to tell me how i was feeling so i didn't have to find the words to tell them, i felt like my life was falling apart, it was all so hopeless. It really is so difficult. I remember sitting at the edge of this cliff and my cousin was on the phone to me, telling me off for being mean to my mum and i just looked down and thought to myself, i can either drop off here and possibly not have to think about this again or i can tell her. By my writing this you know i made the right decision and i think by the end of the phone call i was practically shouting what i was feeling down the phone. My cousin came and found me and i think we both cried like i never had before or have done to this day. That was my first step to sorting myself out.

What i am trying to say is break through that barrier, force yourself to say the words you really don't want to. I went on to tell my friends about my depression, at first i took anti-depressants but soon came off them, i wanted to sort myself naturally. My friends knew about everything and refused to let me stay in bed when all i wanted was to hide under my covers and forget the world outside. They were a brilliant help. A long story short, i lost six stone and talked through my problems. I am not saying my life is perfect now but it is getting there, slowly but surely. You just need to take that first step too. Talk.

 

[Chyrux]

I'm feeling a little bit better, although my situation has gotten much much much worse.
I don't know why I'm feeling better? It might be because I have severe seasonal depression and it was still snowing when I wrote all of that....
Just because I feel slight better doesn't change anything, I revert back to my hopeless and suicidal self quickly........

 

[butterfly91]

i'm going through the same situation as you are and actually, to be honest, i have been having 'seasonal suicide tendancies'? is there such a thing? i remember the first time i tried to kill myself, i was 14. my mother found my suicide note before i could swallow the pills(stupid me fr not hiding it properly) and we had a long talk abt it and i was fine for awhile. then when i was 16 i started cutting myself. it was a distraction, a relief from the hurt and betrayal and pain i was feeling and i couldnt stop. i still think about offing myself regularly and whenever i enter a tall building, i look for windows without bars so that i can jump out. i'm not afraid o die, i am just afraid it will go wrong. what if the pills i took arent enough? what if the building is not tall enough? what if i did not cut myself deep eniugh? my 'friends' know i used to be suicidal, but they dont take it seriously. and when i did mention about it to someone, all they said was, "you seriously wanted to kill yourself over something stupid like tht? dont be stupid" i dont need people telling me i am stupid or that it is a stupid decision. i just dont know what to do.

 

[sentiententity]

Hey chyrux, I've been struggling with major depression and suicidal ideation for about 5+ years now as well.
Just letting you know I sympathize with your plight.

 

[Timelessness]

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[Zeek]

Chyrux, you are among friends....we can relate to you well...

Don't give up....it's not over! Keep reminding yourself this. When it's late at night when no one's around and you feel like downing the pills remember that tomorrow can always bring a change in your life that you never knew would come along...

Suicide is a lie from hell trying to get you sucked in....Sounds like you need to start thinking about where you will be if you're successful my friend...