How is this so hard to understand?

[Spoon]

One of my friends recently asked me why i was down. I tried explaining that while i love my friends and family, that it sucks not really being a vital part of anyone's life or plans. It's not an exaggeration to say that if i fell into a hole tomorrow, it would be about a week before anyone knew i was missing, and about 2 before anyone went to look for me. If i was never found, people would be sad for sure, but nobody's life would actually change. That just sort of depresses me.

What followed was a huge argument that ended with her basically saying that i was a jerk because i refused to let her tell me that that's not the way it is, and that i should just be happy that i have friends. (i am happy that i have friends anyway.)

It's like i'm not allowed to be lonely or something, or want more than just friends or a family. Why is it that people do this? Does this happen to any of you?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Sometimes people have good intentions, but come across as discounting what you're trying to explain to them, simply because they don't understand you.

 

[Masson]

Well basically you told her that even though she is your friend and by your side your still lonely , you made her feel like she isn't important to you to some level , when people don't understand something they try to shape it in something they can understand , unfortunately she doesen't from what your saying.

Can I relate to this? not really , I don't vent about what goes in my mind only too 1 person and hes as disturbed as me so we understand eachother.
What can I say is that "normal" people just don't get us , its just like when somebody says "don't do that because that can happen" and you don't care because that wont happen to you , what are the chances etc and when it does you acknowledge it and then tell it to others who again will not care , same here people don't acknowledge our problem because it didn't happen to them and they cant relate to it.

 

[Spoon]

^ Excellent points, you guys. I think you're probably right. People seem to have this need to "fix" things, and when they can't because it's not fixable by just throwing some folksy nonsense at it, they seem to get frustrated and believe that you're just not letting them help.

Sometimes all i want is for someone to survey the damage with me as if we were staring at my quarter-panel after a fender-bender... just say "yeah, that's totally jacked up." and leave it at that.


But then again, i guess that's why i'm here.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What followed was a huge argument that ended with her basically saying that i was a jerk because i refused to let her tell me that that's not the way it is, and that i should just be happy that i have friends. (i am happy that i have friends anyway.)

It's like i'm not allowed to be lonely or something, or want more than just friends or a family. Why is it that people do this? Does this happen to any of you?

You're completely entitled to your thoughts and feelings. Honestly, I think that was just your friend wanting to tell you what was what. Everyone's different, and it's not the same song and dance for everyone. She may or may not understand. I bet you somewhere, she does understand you, but perhaps she was just being hard-headed. Hopefully she'll come around, and hopefully she'll stop being so **** pushy about things that she couldn't possibly control, no matter how strong her words were about the situation.

Stand by your ground. Don't ever let anyone tell you how you feel or how to feel. Some people just get mad when you don't share their same views. I hope you feel better soon. *hug*

 

[In a lonely place]

What followed was a huge argument that ended with her basically saying that i was a jerk because i refused to let her tell me that that's not the way it is, and that i should just be happy that i have friends. (i am happy that i have friends anyway.)
It's like i'm not allowed to be lonely or something, or want more than just friends or a family. Why is it that people do this? Does this happen to any of you?

Maybe she sees herself as being a good friend to you and that she cares about you more than you know. Could she have feelings for you more than friendship? I do think sometimes we underestimate how much people love us, it's just they don't show it.

 

[Spoon]

Stand by your ground. Don't ever let anyone tell you how you feel or how to feel. Some people just get mad when you don't share their same views. I hope you feel better soon. *hug*

Thank you. I hope so as well. I definitely don't let people tell me how i should think or feel, and maybe that's part of the reason why i clash with well-meaning friends from time to time.

Maybe she sees herself as being a good friend to you and that she cares about you more than you know. Could she have feelings for you more than friendship? I do think sometimes we underestimate how much people love us, it's just they don't show it.

She does, but the situation doesn't allow anything beyond friendship. So i guess it's my fault for not really considering my audience. I feel kinda dumb now.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sometimes people have good intentions, but come across as discounting what you're trying to explain to them, simply because they don't understand you.

Well basically you told her that even though she is your friend and by your side your still lonely , you made her feel like she isn't important to you to some level , when people don't understand something they try to shape it in something they can understand , unfortunately she doesen't from what your saying.

This and this. That is why I don't talk to my irl friends about how I feel, they wouldn't understand and would probably get mad at me. Most of them I've known all my life or over half my life.

 

[Equinox]

I tried explaining that while i love my friends and family, that it sucks not really being a vital part of anyone's life or plans. It's not an exaggeration to say that if i fell into a hole tomorrow, it would be about a week before anyone knew i was missing, and about 2 before anyone went to look for me. If i was never found, people would be sad for sure, but nobody's life would actually change. That just sort of depresses me.

I 100% understand this. I feel exactly the same way, and have also gotten into arguments with a few ex friends because of it. Basically they got insulted because I didn't think that spending time with them a couple of times a month was enough to make me feel important, so they just 'gave up' on me and dumped me. Myth confirmed, I guess.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, that's rather sad, Equinox. True friends understand that you don't want to be in their trousers, following them around all the time. I have a few friends that I haven't really spoken to - due to not being in Jersey anymore - and I'm pretty sure, things would be exactly as they were if I were to go see them. And those are the types of people I appreciate.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

So....what's your payoffs for being lonely, feeling
Lonely...etc?
This role you chose to play....
Theres sometype of thrill and comfort you get
Out of it.

K...if i understand ya....then what?
You want me to sympathize with you?
Feel your pains and misery with you?.... then what?

True... you feel wgat you feel and see what
You see....your perception are colure by our
Feelings no doupt.
No i cant fix you anymore than you can fix me.

There always different ways of looking at things.

---

Alike attracts alike....and repills what it dont like.
So....there you go.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What the hell are you talking about?

 

[Spoon]

K...if i understand ya....then what?
You want me to sympathize with you?
Feel your pains and misery with you?.... then what?

Then nothing. Sometimes that's all you need.