I always feel like I settle for people who aren't even my type

[sorat116]

Well, I'm fairly young.. an up and coming sophmore in college. Most people tell me I'm really attractive and I have had a lot of guys who are my type interested in me.. but only for sexual reasons.. and I always turn them down regardless of how much I want too because I am a virgin and NOT that type of girl.

Seems like whenever I do start dating someone in a serious manner they almost never are my type (which, I am very picky.. but still.. some guys who are my type that are also nice must be out there). And by type I don't just mean the "hot guy" but I mean someone who I find charming, funny, attractive, fun to be around.. just what I am wanting basically.. I feel like I always settle and still end up getting burned by the person I was settling for in the first place. Does anyone else feel this way??

I'm just so tired of it.. I would rather be single than settle again. Dating is just not even worth unless you truly enjoy the person you are dating and I just cannot seem to find that person. Maybe I am too picky, but I am so done with dating. I'm just going to wait until I find that person who wants to date me who is someone I don't have to convince myself that I like.. does anyone else identify with this?

 

[Kat]

Dating should be fun. If you feel burnt out from dating, take a break.

 

[LoneKiller]

Sometimes you don't even have to look. They will find you.
Sadly, sexual release is a strong motivator for 2 people to get together in these times. Feelings and devotion usually don't come with it.

 

[blackdot]

Dating should be fun. If you feel burnt out from dating, take a break.

Unfortunately some of us don't have time to take a break from it. Unfortunately I have yet to see evidence that dating is fun either.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I don t believe you when you say when you start date guy they're are never you're type to begin with. You say "yes" or "no" to them right of the bat.
You mean to tell me...you actaully dont know how to say "NO" when any guy ask you out?

Can you be more especific of what actaully turns you on (charming)?
What your taste in humor?
What's your idea of FUN?
What exactly kind of dude are you attracted to as for as looks?

Yes..I can identify with you...as far as knowin what is the right kind
of woman for me.

Only thing is...men age with grace like fine wine.

As far as charming gose..
How do you like to be adressed? by you nick name? Sweetheart, Cupcakes, Pumpkins, Darlin or Honey?
Would you rather get complimented on your looks, your intelligents, achivements...ect
Opening doors for you is a given...
So you like public effections or you're more discreate?
Do you like sweet nothing whisper in your ears, poatry or would u like for that to put into in a song?
Do you like breakfest in bed on a sunday morning?
Would you rather share a banana split or a box of chocolate???

Stuff like that...that you're leaving guys guessing.
They're not mind readers.lol

Btw ...you left out MONEY.
Dont ever ever leave out money..if you're gonna get picky...be picky.lol

 

[Kat]

blackdot, that sounds pretty unfortunate.

 

[whispers]

I do identifie, i settled for my ex...because clock was ticking and i wanted children. After him, i settled for a few men i dated because i don,t like to be alone, and i thought they would grow on me....nah that doesnt work, i end up realy annoyed by them.

I was lucky enought to meet 3 men that meant the world to me. Two of them broke my heart in ways i thought i could never love again. But here i am with a man who is perfect for me, i love him, i want to grow old with him.

I could say to people, never settle... but i'm not sure about that, the experiences i had made me who i am today, and i have two great daughters as a result.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Idk...Whisper,
You women drives us men crazzzy.lol

How in the heck can my ex-wf tell me...she loves me and will always
love me...right after she divorced me. Especailly when i didnt want a divorce.
I had to pounder that for a while...and it really really messed me up in the head.lol

I dont think I settled for her. I was really heart broken at the time, though.
6 months after Sassy (fiance) and I had our first break up.
So i dont know if she cuaght me on
the rebound or what.

She (exwf) was only 18 at the time and I was only 19. Young kids getting
married. I fell in love with Michelle and love her lots. Her love didnt grow on me.
Marriage is a big decision in life. Evidently I have had to sweep Michelle off of her
feet becuase she did married me...but that married turned out wacked.

My deviorce wasnt even final yet...Then I ran into Sassy again.lol
So I dont know if she cuaght me on the rebound...
I love Sassy very much and she was the woman I always wanted to married
to begin with. But it went south again.

So 20 some odd years later. Both of these women hitted me up
and both wanted to get back with me. They both have a daughter from me.
Evidently,..both of them wernt done driving me nutz yet.
Sassy got back with me. She drove me nucken futz...
And Michelle was calling me everyday to check if I was OK. (thats what she say)
She probably wished I was dead or was jumping for joy knowing Sassy
was stabing my heart out every other day.hahahha

maybe I should have waited.lol

Yeah...I love my daughters, Jordan and Kimi very much.

As far as ...settling and letting love grow on you...
Youre right...It didnt work for me either or rather for her.
That relationship lasted for 6 yrs. While it was more stable
as far as our living arrangments and home enviorments.
I wasnt in love with her. it wasnt as if I didnt care for her but
I didnt have the passion or romance for her. The so call charm.
It hurted her really bad. She knew i was alway thinking about Sassy in some way.
Even our sex lives went south. We would go without sex for months.
I didnt cared if i had sex with her. She would actaully ask me to have sex with her,
tried to be sexy...ect. Bascailly i wasnt in love with her and it became a struggle for her.
It messed with her womanhood.
Eventaully she left me.....she was very unhAPPY and depressed...hurted.
But i didnt intentionally hurted her...i tried the settling and your love will grow on people over time..
NOPE!!!!!
If you dont love the person. Dont do it. Your partner will be hurted and you as will...
Pretending to be something you're not. Thats my experince.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with black dot that dating is not fun. If I had more confidence, it might be enjoyable, but as it is, I find it very hard.
Settling is something I think of doing, too, as being alone is so hard. But then I think how would I feel if someone settled for me? I mean, it wouldnt be very complimentary if my partner suddenly said to me, 'I couldn't find someone I really loved or wanted, so I thought that you would do, as you are better than nothing.' I could never do that to anyone, so woild not settle.

 

[whispers]

In my case it wasnt quite concious, the person did bring someting i needed in my life, at the time i thought it was enough, its just in retrospect that i realised i had settled...because of my own insecurities or the hope that we could make it work.

I agree with black dot that dating is not fun. If I had more confidence, it might be enjoyable, but as it is, I find it very hard.
Settling is something I think of doing, too, as being alone is so hard. But then I think how would I feel if someone settled for me? I mean, it wouldnt be very complimentary if my partner suddenly said to me, 'I couldn't find someone I really loved or wanted, so I thought that you would do, as you are better than nothing.' I could never do that to anyone, so woild not settle.

 

[blackdot]

I'm the type of person who would be happy just settling for someone.
Given that it's either settle or be alone, the decision isn't hard to make.
The problem is just finding women who actually date.

 

[sorat116]

I don t believe you when you say when you start date guy they're are never you're type to begin with. You say "yes" or "no" to them right of the bat.
You mean to tell me...you actaully dont know how to say "NO" when any guy ask you out?

Can you be more especific of what actaully turns you on (charming)?
What your taste in humor?
What's your idea of FUN?
What exactly kind of dude are you attracted to as for as looks?

Yes..I can identify with you...as far as knowin what is the right kind
of woman for me.

Only thing is...men age with grace like fine wine.

As far as charming gose..
How do you like to be adressed? by you nick name? Sweetheart, Cupcakes, Pumpkins, Darlin or Honey?
Would you rather get complimented on your looks, your intelligents, achivements...ect
Opening doors for you is a given...
So you like public effections or you're more discreate?
Do you like sweet nothing whisper in your ears, poatry or would u like for that to put into in a song?
Do you like breakfest in bed on a sunday morning?
Would you rather share a banana split or a box of chocolate???

Stuff like that...that you're leaving guys guessing.
They're not mind readers.lol

Btw ...you left out MONEY.
Dont ever ever leave out money..if you're gonna get picky...be picky.lol

It's not that I don't say no to some people and I'm not scared to say no when I know for sure I could never be attracted to someone.. what I'm saying is it's usually someone who I could maybe see myself getting used too in the future or becoming attracted too.

Basically I know MY type when I see it.. and I have only dated/ talked too maybe two people who qualify as people I would be crazy over and excited to see.. and they didn't work out for various reasons which I have gotten over. But the rest in all honesty were just me wanting to waste time. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. And I'm glad I did take that approach because I have learned a lot by being open to dating lots of different types of people but still, I feel pretty hopeless about ever meeting someone who I will get that "butterflies in the stomach feeling" whenever I see or have a date with them.

Most people I just feel indifferent about when I hang out with them. I think it's best if I take a pretty long break from dating until I actually like the person I'm dating.. because lately I've been screwed over anyways by the people I settle for, so it's whatever I guess.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

That's what you do when you date...filter out people.

Yes, sometimes I do it to kill time.

It's difficult when you get burned.
It's better that it happens at the beginning than to find
out after you get married.
That's probably the only positive way for you to look at it.

There's nothing wrong with you.
Do what is best for you.

However, be careful.
Just from my own personal experince...when I was only 19.

I was able to start dating again after a terrible break up.
I went through a burn out such as you're going through.
I told myself...."No more women" becuase they were just too much trouble for what it's worth.
My ex-wf asked me out and she swept me off of my feet, that very sameday.
We went out for a while and for the most part everything went well.
Maybe we should had lived together first before we got married...IDK
I love her and was really in love with her..so to me I thought I was doing the right thing.


Yes, I know what you mean...but the butterfly effect.
I get goose bumps all over. Chills run up and down my spine.
I love Sassy so much...my heart feels like it's going to explode.
It'll actaully bring tears to my eyes. Not becuase I was sad but becuase I love her very much.
She's the only woman that been able to do that to me.

Unfortunately...she's also the only woman that's been able to drop me down to my knees
and have me begging. Ive cried river of tears for Sassy. She also hurted me more than
anyone else. I guess,.. if i didnt love her so much, it wouldnt hurt so bad.

Im a guy and i dont cry so easily. I can date people, get rejected or sometimes even get burn..ect..ect
and would never shed a single tear.

 

[sorat116]

I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm sure you are smarter for it, though.

I am 19 now and I never dated in high school so once I graduated being asked on dates was fairly new to me.. so I accepted lots of offers out of lack of experience, boredom, curiosity, etc. But I am completely bored and burnt out with dating at this point. I've only cried over two guys in my life (the same two that I said were actually my type).

So with all of this said and everyone always having issues with their relationships, I just have to wander why? Why is everyone so consumed with finding the "one"? Is everyone just scared they won't be married? Frankly, the idea of marriage sounds like hell and bores me to even think about it. I guess I'm not a normal girl because mostly every other girl I meet is in love with the idea of marriage. I'm just so over it all..

 

[Tiina63]

Actually I am feeling so lonely now that I would settle for someone. This contradicts what I said before, but my loneliness is worse at times than it is at others and it feels especially bad this evening, so yes I would settle, as long as the other person was decent and kind, as beinbg alone is so painful.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Actually I am feeling so lonely now that I would settle for someone. This contradicts what I said before, but my loneliness is worse at times than it is at others and it feels especially bad this evening, so yes I would settle, as long as the other person was decent and kind, as beinbg alone is so painful.

I'm sorry you feel lonely right now. You are truely a lovely person. If anyone deserves to be with someone, it'd be you.

 

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Funny topic

I don't really believe people can be 'your' type

I mean sure there's chemistry but it's something you can sort of consciously 'create'

Love is about learning to love someone, and I also think it's about giving: you see a pretty girl, but she's slightly insecure, maybe you can make her day (friendly remark)? Maybe you can share something with her (you feel insecure too, or lonely et cetera)? You can add something, balance it

It's not like trying to fix someone, but more like giving someone something precious in return: yourself. Bit like a flower you can water and see what happens

(also, for me it's way harder to accept love than to give it)

Does that make sense ?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm sure you are smarter for it, though.

I am 19 now and I never dated in high school so once I graduated being asked on dates was fairly new to me.. so I accepted lots of offers out of lack of experience, boredom, curiosity, etc. But I am completely bored and burnt out with dating at this point. I've only cried over two guys in my life (the same two that I said were actually my type).

So with all of this said and everyone always having issues with their relationships, I just have to wander why? Why is everyone so consumed with finding the "one"? Is everyone just scared they won't be married? Frankly, the idea of marriage sounds like hell and bores me to even think about it. I guess I'm not a normal girl because mostly every other girl I meet is in love with the idea of marriage. I'm just so over it all..

Nah....you're ok. You're very healthy

Both of my daughters arnt married yet. They both would like to
get married someday but anytime soon. My youngest is 22.
One of them dont even wanna have children.

They're both going back to school again.
They both have boys trouble or relationship troubles. Get hurted
by the same boy over and over again.
They can get other boys, if they want to.

They're kind of like me.lol They fall in love with that one person
and have very strong emotional attachment to that one person,from early on.
Bascailly pounding thier head againts a brick wall
trying to see things through or hoping the realtionship will
get better. One of them is very,very hurt at the moment.
Very hard to break away from unhealthy relationships.

At this time...I still wouldnt settle.
Yeah..relationship can be hell for me at times.

 

[sorat116]

I hate that. I've been kinda going through the same kind of stuff with this one guy I've been on and off seeing for the past few months...

How old are your girls?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

They're 23 and 22.
Yeah, it sucks when that happens. It's still very difficult for her.
But she's not married and dosnt have any children.
It's less messy and less complicated if she can actaully pull herself
away from it. She's at the end of her ropes.

Logically she can figure it out..but her emotions wins out.
Or she's lead to believe things will work out or get better.
It's something she must be able to grasp on her own.
No matter how many times she makes the same mistakes
over and over again.
Its can be a difficult lesson for her to learn as painful as it might
be for her. Growing pains sort of speak.
I love her and will always love her no matter what.
I let her know that. Thats all I can do sometimes.
I cant stand in her way of her developement...so of speak.

I dont tell her what to do. Nor tell her who she should or shouldnt love.
I do understand her..becuase I do the samething. but it's with her mother Im inolved with. So it gets a litte complicated.

I do believe youre doing well or are ok.
Like I say...do what's best for you.
Trust in yourself. i believe you know this.
We get emotionally emesh sometimes in certain situations.
We get unsure of 'trusting our own gut feelings or intuitions.