I am Jack's total lack of motivation

[Niantiel]

Normally, I keep my apartment pretty clean so it doesn't run away and build up into a monster that I've gotta take a weekend off of enjoying myself to clean....but lately, the last few weeks, I haven't had the motivation to....

No one's ever here besides me.
I have a roommate, but she's never around.

The few friends that I DO have, I spend my time at their house, usually.

I've blown a very large portion of my savings, and I'm developing a bit of an out of control spending problem because I can't seem to make myself happy...

I've slipped back into daily drinking....
I'd rather smoke pot, in all honesty, but I'd rather not risk losing my job because of it.
I had a beautiful LSD trip a few nights ago that made me feel so at home and so peaceful....but, that feeling wears off after like 3 or 4 days, and at any rate you can't use it in that frequency....

I spent time at my family's for father's day, and I took notice that basically no one in my family besides me, knows how to take initiative, besides my grandfather. My dad kinda does what he wants to do, mom settles with things, and my sister....just fights with everyone until they give in....

My birthday's in 8 days...
I've spent the entire month dreading turning 27...heheheh...because, well, what happens to all musician's when they're 27??

I'm starting to really think that I can't beat this. It's like nothing lasts long enough.
The drugs don't last long enough, the paychecks don't last long enough, the time with friends don't last long enough, my artistic and spiritual influences don't last long enough, and eventually it just comes back again and nullifies everything

Really, I have no motivation to do anything besides drink, listen to music, and play video games....

and when I DO get motivation to do the things that I need to do, I'm not home because I'm at work. -_-

 

[Tealeaf]

The possibility of daily drinking to numb the pain is one reason I stopped keeping alcohol in my home. When the urge hit, there wouldn't be any and I didn't want to go face anyone in a store to buy it, especially not late at night.

As for what happens to musicians, I think even if they're no longer hot honeysuckle past their younger days they transform. That's a big part of what creative work is about, being more than any one individual act. They stay with an artist longer than a publisher, a band, or an art style.

Throwing this out there, but if you're getting motivational spurts while you're out of the house you could try bringing some elements of that home with you. Even if I have nowhere to be I try to get up early, slowly work in exercise, and make a schedule so that I can at least listen to music and play video games in the evening without feeling guilty.