alonelyshyboy
Active member
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2008
- Messages
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I don't really know what I want out of life. I am sick and tired of being lonely and I REALLY REALLY want to break out of this cycle.
On the surface I appear to be doing well - I have completed two degrees; landed a graduate position right out of uni which I am enjoying. Anyone that doesn't know what I am feeling inside must think that I am doing so well. However, inside I feel so empty and hollow, like as though my needs for living aren't being met. Maybe that's why I don't hate work - the fact that I get human interactions everyday. I am horrifically shy, and fear nothing more than approaching complete strangers.
I have become so used to doing things on my own that I don't know any different, yet at the end of the day I feel so miserable. I have probably had these feelings since 2002 - the last time I actually had a group of friends. This group has basically disbanded and most of these guys are now interstate. Currently, I only ever catch up with the three friends that I have. However, these catch ups tend to happen rather sporadically and I can only take so much - two of these people like to whinge a lot; I am not much of a whinger in real life.
Additionally, none of them are very social and are not interested in going out to bars, clubs, seeing live bands etc... I love listening to all kinds of music and would love to go see a band/artist live for once, but I am too self-conscious to even consider going alone and the prospect of ever finding other people whom I could join is rather bleak. I like doing these 'social things' because they are memories of the last time that I actually had fun. I have probably gone to bed in tears more in the past year than I have since I was a wee lad. I think I have gone to bed really miserable at least one time every weekend since I started my new job. I HATE talking about weekends/social lives at work because I don't have one and it makes me feel miserable when people at work talk about their great weekends. I especially hate being asked what I will be getting up to - 'not much' is my usual response; I just feel so sad inside that I have no people to do anything with; except for seeing a friend that complains about her 'tough' life (she is financially set and have people willing to give her a job etc...) and basically wants free english lessons. It's like every word that she does not understand, she will get me to spell it out and write it down, and then when I 'dumb' down my speech to Simple English, she complains: 'why is your English so bad?'. I just want to relax and enjoy my weekend, not give you a ******* tutoring lesson.
All I want is to meet some fun, easy going people that like having a drink, a dance or seeing live music together.
Speaking of self-consciousness... I am extremely so. One example is when I go shopping; be it for clothes or CDs, I am always so self-conscious about what others are thinking but I do these things anyway. In fact, tonight there was a gathering of Master of Commerce students at a pub that I didn't attend because I have already completed the degree - I know about this because I checked my student e-mail. I didn't go because I was self-conscious about what they would think of me going to a gathering for students when I am a working professional who has already graduated.
I don't even know why I am bothering to make a post such as this. I mean, it's not like it will automagically create a group of people to hang out with socially. I am going to be completely honest and say that I spend maybe 80% of my online time trying to find ways to meet people in my area. I have tried meetup.com but those meetups never eventuate; I have tried dating sites but you need to pay,
Now that I am out of uni and have wasted any opportunities to meet people, I don't know what to do. I have no idea how I will be able to break out of this rut. I really want to try dancing lessons, but I made a pact with my mate that I would wait for him to do it together - the wait is starting to become an eternity. However, I am a man of my word and will wait.
I don't want to even think about the prospect of finding a girlfriend. The concept just seems nigh on impossible. I am not bad looking, but I am firm on the belief that girls look beyond this and go for personalities unless you're a real hottie.
I am also paying off a car loan on a car I purchased over two years ago and which I now regret - I only use it on weekends and only got it because I was able to get the loan from my parents interest free, but they lent me the money on the condition that the car was new and was 4-doors. At the time, I used the car to get to work. However, I now wish that I hadn't listened to my olds and got a 'fun' weekend car instead - driving is one of the things that I do to forget about my woes.
On the surface I appear to be doing well - I have completed two degrees; landed a graduate position right out of uni which I am enjoying. Anyone that doesn't know what I am feeling inside must think that I am doing so well. However, inside I feel so empty and hollow, like as though my needs for living aren't being met. Maybe that's why I don't hate work - the fact that I get human interactions everyday. I am horrifically shy, and fear nothing more than approaching complete strangers.
I have become so used to doing things on my own that I don't know any different, yet at the end of the day I feel so miserable. I have probably had these feelings since 2002 - the last time I actually had a group of friends. This group has basically disbanded and most of these guys are now interstate. Currently, I only ever catch up with the three friends that I have. However, these catch ups tend to happen rather sporadically and I can only take so much - two of these people like to whinge a lot; I am not much of a whinger in real life.
Additionally, none of them are very social and are not interested in going out to bars, clubs, seeing live bands etc... I love listening to all kinds of music and would love to go see a band/artist live for once, but I am too self-conscious to even consider going alone and the prospect of ever finding other people whom I could join is rather bleak. I like doing these 'social things' because they are memories of the last time that I actually had fun. I have probably gone to bed in tears more in the past year than I have since I was a wee lad. I think I have gone to bed really miserable at least one time every weekend since I started my new job. I HATE talking about weekends/social lives at work because I don't have one and it makes me feel miserable when people at work talk about their great weekends. I especially hate being asked what I will be getting up to - 'not much' is my usual response; I just feel so sad inside that I have no people to do anything with; except for seeing a friend that complains about her 'tough' life (she is financially set and have people willing to give her a job etc...) and basically wants free english lessons. It's like every word that she does not understand, she will get me to spell it out and write it down, and then when I 'dumb' down my speech to Simple English, she complains: 'why is your English so bad?'. I just want to relax and enjoy my weekend, not give you a ******* tutoring lesson.
All I want is to meet some fun, easy going people that like having a drink, a dance or seeing live music together.
Speaking of self-consciousness... I am extremely so. One example is when I go shopping; be it for clothes or CDs, I am always so self-conscious about what others are thinking but I do these things anyway. In fact, tonight there was a gathering of Master of Commerce students at a pub that I didn't attend because I have already completed the degree - I know about this because I checked my student e-mail. I didn't go because I was self-conscious about what they would think of me going to a gathering for students when I am a working professional who has already graduated.
I don't even know why I am bothering to make a post such as this. I mean, it's not like it will automagically create a group of people to hang out with socially. I am going to be completely honest and say that I spend maybe 80% of my online time trying to find ways to meet people in my area. I have tried meetup.com but those meetups never eventuate; I have tried dating sites but you need to pay,
Now that I am out of uni and have wasted any opportunities to meet people, I don't know what to do. I have no idea how I will be able to break out of this rut. I really want to try dancing lessons, but I made a pact with my mate that I would wait for him to do it together - the wait is starting to become an eternity. However, I am a man of my word and will wait.
I don't want to even think about the prospect of finding a girlfriend. The concept just seems nigh on impossible. I am not bad looking, but I am firm on the belief that girls look beyond this and go for personalities unless you're a real hottie.
I am also paying off a car loan on a car I purchased over two years ago and which I now regret - I only use it on weekends and only got it because I was able to get the loan from my parents interest free, but they lent me the money on the condition that the car was new and was 4-doors. At the time, I used the car to get to work. However, I now wish that I hadn't listened to my olds and got a 'fun' weekend car instead - driving is one of the things that I do to forget about my woes.