I am only 30 and it’s been quite some time that I have been without friends. My problem is not with making initial connections with people and my problem is not with getting significant others.
I’m fairly at ease in social situations. The problem is with moving beyond the superficial with people. People don’t seem to fully connect with me. I always end up being the go to person for people when they are bored and they have no other options. People call me on their boring days like Sunday-Thursday but they won’t try to do things on a Friday or Saturday which they keep for their real friends. If I suggest doing anything during a premium time slot I’m told “I’ll let you know”, “maybe”, “no promises” etc. which means I’m on hold until nothing else comes up.
I end up resenting these people because I know they are not making any real commitment to me. I don’t feel like I should be satisfied with the scraps of attention and time they throw to me and I refuse to settle for it and I cut them off. If everyone else can have real, committed friends so can I. And I don’t feel that spending time with these people to fill up their moments of boredom will lead to a deeper friendship later.
I’m getting dangerously lonely because it’s summer time and people are starting to do things and go places and I’m just a bi-stander. Recently was the Memorial Day holiday weekend. I spent the entire 3 days in the house while everyone else was partying, at the beach, cookouts, and having fun. I wasn’t invited anywhere to do anything. I had some acquaintances who texted me to tell me what they were going to be doing but didn’t invite me or care that I didn’t have any plans. I thought I was going to perish over that weekend, it was terrible. I wanted to die and I felt totally suicidal like it was my time to just give up because I can’t make it.
Not having any friends takes its toll on my romantic relationships because I end up trying to make that person everything by being around them all day, every day because I have no other connections and I want to feel with someone. I realize that is not healthy and that there should be balance in the relationship but I can’t ever seem to stop.
In sharp contrast to what I just said above. I’m doing something very pathetic right now and I’m really ashamed of it and I can’t seem to stop it. I have a strange quasi-friendship with a friend that turned into a short-term boyfriend but now we are exes. The romantic aspect is completely gone and this is not about residual feelings or desires to get back together. It’s more that he is familiar, we were acquaintances before the tiny relationship and I engage him because he’s the only person I have if I want to see a movie, go out to eat, do anything fun, or even just have someone to talk to. But for this friendship I’m paying a high price. He uses me and he knows I have no friends so he’s leveraging my desperation to his advantage. I give him 100 percent of time if he wants to do something I will hang out. If he needs help in some way I give full effort, etc. He only gives me about 20 percent maybe he will help me maybe he won’t. I’m so terrified of just ending this strange friendship or whatever it is because it will mean that I will be all alone again.
He has me by the balls because I’ve acquiesced to his terms and grounds for friendship: that everything will be on his terms, his time frame, etc. I’m willing to accept someone who doesn’t fully value me because I don’t want to be alone.
I need advice. I need the courage to walk away from this situation and I need to know how others feel about whether or not it’s even fruitful to entertain being a secondary friend who’s just called upon during times of boredom.
I’m fairly at ease in social situations. The problem is with moving beyond the superficial with people. People don’t seem to fully connect with me. I always end up being the go to person for people when they are bored and they have no other options. People call me on their boring days like Sunday-Thursday but they won’t try to do things on a Friday or Saturday which they keep for their real friends. If I suggest doing anything during a premium time slot I’m told “I’ll let you know”, “maybe”, “no promises” etc. which means I’m on hold until nothing else comes up.
I end up resenting these people because I know they are not making any real commitment to me. I don’t feel like I should be satisfied with the scraps of attention and time they throw to me and I refuse to settle for it and I cut them off. If everyone else can have real, committed friends so can I. And I don’t feel that spending time with these people to fill up their moments of boredom will lead to a deeper friendship later.
I’m getting dangerously lonely because it’s summer time and people are starting to do things and go places and I’m just a bi-stander. Recently was the Memorial Day holiday weekend. I spent the entire 3 days in the house while everyone else was partying, at the beach, cookouts, and having fun. I wasn’t invited anywhere to do anything. I had some acquaintances who texted me to tell me what they were going to be doing but didn’t invite me or care that I didn’t have any plans. I thought I was going to perish over that weekend, it was terrible. I wanted to die and I felt totally suicidal like it was my time to just give up because I can’t make it.
Not having any friends takes its toll on my romantic relationships because I end up trying to make that person everything by being around them all day, every day because I have no other connections and I want to feel with someone. I realize that is not healthy and that there should be balance in the relationship but I can’t ever seem to stop.
In sharp contrast to what I just said above. I’m doing something very pathetic right now and I’m really ashamed of it and I can’t seem to stop it. I have a strange quasi-friendship with a friend that turned into a short-term boyfriend but now we are exes. The romantic aspect is completely gone and this is not about residual feelings or desires to get back together. It’s more that he is familiar, we were acquaintances before the tiny relationship and I engage him because he’s the only person I have if I want to see a movie, go out to eat, do anything fun, or even just have someone to talk to. But for this friendship I’m paying a high price. He uses me and he knows I have no friends so he’s leveraging my desperation to his advantage. I give him 100 percent of time if he wants to do something I will hang out. If he needs help in some way I give full effort, etc. He only gives me about 20 percent maybe he will help me maybe he won’t. I’m so terrified of just ending this strange friendship or whatever it is because it will mean that I will be all alone again.
He has me by the balls because I’ve acquiesced to his terms and grounds for friendship: that everything will be on his terms, his time frame, etc. I’m willing to accept someone who doesn’t fully value me because I don’t want to be alone.
I need advice. I need the courage to walk away from this situation and I need to know how others feel about whether or not it’s even fruitful to entertain being a secondary friend who’s just called upon during times of boredom.