I Don't Understand...

[rioisk]

Hey Everybody,

I'm 5'9, athletic body from working out nearly everyday, good looking, well groomed, educated, and while I'm not a millionaire yet I am a founder and developer in a web start-up and we've been successful in raising angel investment. In other words, all the baseline variables for a society-approved life of success are satisfied and yet I have no friends, 0 success with women, and all I do is work (which isn't so bad) because I dread going home just to be alone.

My parents died when I was a teenager and I'm estranged from my one sibling. The only calls I receive are from coworkers, lawyers, or investors. I don't mind too much because it's great fun and I enjoy my work, but at the end of the day all I feel is emptiness because in truth I have no meaningful social relations with anybody.

Why? I've been a part of so many groups and partook in so many volunteer opportunities in my life yet I made no lasting friends from any of these experiences. I'm always cordial, nice to everybody, and keep a smile on my face despite all the pain I secretly feel inside but still nobody ever invites me to do anything with them. I think it's rude to invite yourself to others' events so I don't butt-in on guy's activities and when I do feel brave enough to ask a woman out I am 100% always rejected. And in case you're wondering, yes I always project genuine confidence.

I've tried to not let it bother me and I just do things by myself - I many interests and talents. Aside from programming and working out, I like painting, museums, all sports, nature walks, video games, cooking, reading, and of course music and all the generic things that most people enjoy. In my minimal spare time I often do these things by myself because nobody is ever interested in doing them with me. It's fun shooting baskets but it's also kind of sad to do it alone.

I'm honestly afraid that my start-up will obtain major success and I'll be extremely wealthy and people will flock to me and only want to be around me because I have money to support their self desires. In this case I'm never going to be able to develop real relationships because I'll never be able to trust that people like me for who I am inside.

I try to keep a positive attitude but everyday I feel myself slipping further into cynicism and bitterness. All I want is to bring happiness and love into the world but it seems nobody around me wants that from me.

I know many of you are probably a lot worse off than me in many respects and my boo-hoo story might sound like a kick to the face but in all honesty I suffer just the same as all of you. If anything you should be reminded that it honestly doesn't matter what you look like, how much money you make, how intelligent you are, etc, etc, you can still be sad and alone and suffer.

How do all of you cope with your loneliness?

 

[Callie]

Welcome to the forum, I hope you can find what you're looking for.

It doesn't matter whether you have money or what you look like, loneliness is loneliness. Just keep trying and fighting for what you want.

 

[Sunshine1020]

Hi and nice to meet you. Your story has truly touched my heart. I just want you to know that your just the type I friend that I would like to have. I have friends, but the reason that I have joined this is because I feel like none of them care about me like I care about them (if that makes any sense). I will go completely out of my way to make sure my friends are ok and do anything for them but at the end of the day no one does that for me.

My fiancé is very successful at his job and makes great money just like yourself. I would help all of my friends financially because I thought that if I ever needed help they would be there to help me. My fiancé got layer off a few months ago and we are struggling to make ends meet. Where are all of the friends that we helped? No where to be found.

I can see why it would be hard for you to trust people coming into your life because you don't know if they are after your money until its too late. I think the right person will come into your life and you will have the right feeling about her. I pray that your queen comes sooner than later and I look forward to talking to you more.

(sorry for the rant)

 

[Ashariel]

Welcome rioisk!

I share your confusion as to why I've never had any success at making friends, despite my best efforts to be friendly and nice to people. Wish I could offer some insight on that, but I am equally baffled!

But you've come to the right place... I've found everyone here to be really friendly and accepting!

 

[wolf359]

Hi rioisk, welcome!
I know exactly how you feel, how all you guys feel. It's hard to understand, that's for sure, but at least we all have that in common. It's a comfort knowing it's not just me, and that's one thing I do understand now in just the short time I've been here.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Welcome to the forums, feel free to drop by the chatroom if you like.

I suppose there are many different reasons why these things happen, why you end up alone. I couldn't really say one way or the other. Maybe people are put off by your success, misery enjoys company? Maybe you are intimidating?

I wouldn't worry about fake friends in the future if you obtain success. It's quite easy to live humbly and in a manner so that others would not even suspect you of such financial success.

Anyway, welcome again. Most of us are alone here too, heh. Hopefully you won't be here as long as some of us have, good luck!

 

[fox]

Lonelyness surely is not picky, it will choose successful people just the same as any other sort..

Welcome and I wish you best luck to overcome it

 

[ladyforsaken]

Welcome rioisk.

Well, keep giving out positivity. It will eventually come back to you, trust me. Try to give and not expect anything in return, sometimes things happen when you least expect them. It feels more rewarding if you don't have much expectations when you try to do good to others. Keep at it!

 

[blackdot]

I hear a lot of people say that all you need is a lot of money and you will never be lonely. They don't seem to grasp that loneliness is not just a matter of having someone around but a matter of having no true friends that you can rely on.

I hear that I would be a great catch for a woman because I have a house and it is completely paid off. I have no debt. For me, that doesn't even gain any acquaintances. *laughs* The last people that were at my house were my parents over a year ago.
Not that that's a huge issue since my house is a pigsty right now since I have no motivation to clean until I can figure out how to date.
My mom occasionally threatens me jokingly that now that she is retired and has nothing to do, she will sneak down while I am at work and clean my house. I told her I think I may need to change the locks on the door.

But in all seriousness, it sucks with you are stuck with no true friends and there is no viable solution. You can't just buy true friends.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I hear a lot of people say that all you need is a lot of money and you will never be lonely. They don't seem to grasp that loneliness is not just a matter of having someone around but a matter of having no true friends that you can rely on.

I hear that I would be a great catch for a woman because I have a house and it is completely paid off. I have no debt. For me, that doesn't even gain any acquaintances. *laughs* The last people that were at my house were my parents over a year ago.
Not that that's a huge issue since my house is a pigsty right now since I have no motivation to clean until I can figure out how to date.
My mom occasionally threatens me jokingly that now that she is retired and has nothing to do, she will sneak down while I am at work and clean my house. I told her I think I may need to change the locks on the door.

But in all seriousness, it sucks with you are stuck with no true friends and there is no viable solution. You can't just buy true friends.

Friendship offer for Blackdot pending. (hug)

 

[DVEUS]

welcome to ALL rioisk...you're among friends here...keep your chin up...

 

[Brasslootz]

Before I say anything, I'll start by saying you sound like a genuinely decent person and I'm sorry you have to feel this lack of intimacy in your life

My impression from what you have written- you sound perfect, really perfect,, polished to a tee.... and I'm wondering if you may have lost touch with yourself behind all that streamlining and repressing feelings to get stuff done. I mean it's good that you have developed your talents and capacities but I'm wondering if you're someone who's receieved a message that they will be only be valued for their achivements. Friendships and relationships can often be a messy pile of loving people for being the silly buggers that they are, imperfections and all, you have to add a bit of water. Often it's possible to impress people by being a truly honest about all your shortcomings and f-d upness rather than by talking about achievements, which is a bit of a paradox I know