58 Voyager
Member
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2013
- Messages
- 14
- Reaction score
- 2
I read this article today:
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/...-cycle-of-loneliness?utm_source=pocket-newtab
Based on that, I' don't have many years left it seems.
I posted here years ago, and nothing has changed in my life. Shitty childhood, abandoned and rejected by my parents, 15 schools in 4 countries in 9 years....
Marriage of 25 years ended 12 years ago when ex wife switched teams. Since then, 5 failed relationships:
I am so ******* lonely, it's beyond sad.
Based on that article I posted above, the aches and pains in all my joints that have no reason, now make sense. My uncle died alone. My cousins died alone. My grandfather died alone. My father will die alone (his wife #4 died 2 years ago).
I will die alone. Sad, isn't it.
What really sucks though are the people who based on a few lines of text, are quick to judge and condemn instead of offering support.
Wow.
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/...-cycle-of-loneliness?utm_source=pocket-newtab
Based on that, I' don't have many years left it seems.
I posted here years ago, and nothing has changed in my life. Shitty childhood, abandoned and rejected by my parents, 15 schools in 4 countries in 9 years....
Marriage of 25 years ended 12 years ago when ex wife switched teams. Since then, 5 failed relationships:
- 2008: 8 months. I was her rebound it seems but didn't know it at the time. After 8 months, she left me for her ex boyfriend who was aware of the fun life she was living. We travelled to Europe, NYC, Chicago, weekend fun trips. He got jealous of her happiness and did the "I changed babae, I changed, I am sorry" and she went back and married him.
- 2008: 10 weeks. I was also her rebound but didn't know it at the time. Had a great fun time, travelled, and she was so happy. He crawled back out from under his rock, promised to stop drinking and apologized and said he would change. She went running back and married him. He died 3 years ago. She immediately hooked up with an unemployed drifter, and now they are living together.
- 2009 - 2012: 3 1/2 years. I was the second man she had ever dated after her ex husband. I cautioned her that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that she would awaken one day and resent how she settled so quickly. She assured me that wouldn't happen. Borderline Personality Disorder was strong with her (figured it out afterwards). We got along so well, I gave it a chance. 5 trips overseas, and after 2 1/2 years, we were living together. But right after she moved in, she had started a new job near here, met my replacement who lived the lifestyle of her ex husband (who had cheated on her and left her), and after a year she was gone. The woman who moved out bore no resemblance to the woman who moved in. They are now married and have become barflies at some pub an hour from here.
- 2013 - 2016: 3 years together, nerdy introvert like myself. Hit it off immediately. 3 trips overseas together and a bunch of trips here and there. Got engaged after 2 years (she proposed to me). I was never so happy until that point. But, her son, 15 at the time, began selling weed to Grade 8 kids. Dealbreaker. I never did drugs, don't care for it, and it's a world I know nothing about. Once married, I stood to lose my home, career, savings, everything. I knew once married and living together, the police would come to my house and ask me what I knew about some kid selling weed to 12 - 14 year olds...yeah, it would have been that bad. Mother understood and cut me loose. Now she is with a tow truck driver who has nothing to lose and probably keeps the boy in check.
- 2017 - 2019: 2 years. Engaged after 1 year. We got along so perfectly, it was almost scary. But (of course there is a but...that's why I'm writing this) but a year ago, her youngest son, 22, was in a bad traffic accident, a passenger in a car that was hit. His injuries were so severe and debilitating, that his mother needed to give everything up and look after her son 24/7. She knew that because of this, she couldn't spend any time with me, and also cut me loose. Today, she is his caregiver and is No Contact because it hurt her more than it hurt me. Now before you judge, I'm 61, don't have many years left, and there are things I want to do, places I want to go to, and since the boy needs 24/7 care, there is only so much sacrifice one can do.
I am so ******* lonely, it's beyond sad.
Based on that article I posted above, the aches and pains in all my joints that have no reason, now make sense. My uncle died alone. My cousins died alone. My grandfather died alone. My father will die alone (his wife #4 died 2 years ago).
I will die alone. Sad, isn't it.
What really sucks though are the people who based on a few lines of text, are quick to judge and condemn instead of offering support.
Wow.