I have been lonely for most of my life

[Blue Sky]

Hi, I am new to this forum. For most of my life I have felt alone, it started when I was at primary school. I was bullied quite heavily at school and didn't know how to cope with it. The other boys at school wouldn't talk to me and they would gang up on me and isolate me. I am sure that this treatment has had an impact on the way I am today. When I went to secondary school I was treated better by the other classmates, my mother made sure that I didn't go to the same secondary school as the bullies from my past school. I did ok for the rest of my school years, but I was very shy and was very carefull about choosing friends. After my school years I joined the workforce and was quite successfull at my job. I had that job for many years until the company closed down. I got another job but I found it very hard to settle in and make friends amoungst the other workers. I found that after work I would come home and have a few drinks I would feel better. Over a period of time my drinking increased, and my feeling of loneliness and depression grew stronger. It got to a stage where I had to drink to excess everyday after work. In the end I thought if I get another job with another firm, things would get better.
I got another job, and things went from bad to worse. I tried very hard to fit in at this new job but I never felt accepted there. I started dating a woman from where I worked, and for a short period of time things went ok. But I was still drinking after work everyday and this didn't help my relationship at all. I split up with my girlfriend from work and alot of the other people at work chose her side to be on. I don't know what she said to my other work mates about me, but those feelings of isolation came back very strong.
After a short period of time I decided to leave that job because of the way I felt I was treated by the bosses and other employees. I have never told anyone that was my reason for leaving.
So for the first time in my life I was unemployed. I started drinking all day, everyday and quickly my life was on a downward spiral. I felt so alone, the friends that I did have started to stay away from me. I think that  they thought I was having some kind of breakdown. Which I was. Later that year both of my parents passed away. I didn't cope very well with there passing but I managed to get through it somehow.
Over the next two years I tried to stop drinking, and eventually with the help of a support group I managed to stop. I haven't had a drink for two years now. But throughout this time I always felt lonely.
I got myself a little dog, I know it sounds corny but he keeps me company and is a good companion. I have tried other support groups in the past and doing some volunteer work but I have always found it hard to make new friends. So I keep to myself most of the time.
Lately I have been looking at going back into the workforce. I have been to many job interviews but I haven't been successfull as yet. But I won't give up. So I have been through quite alot in the passed few years, but somehow I have managed to come out the other side.
I still feel lonely most of the time, even within a group of people. But I don't feel depressed these days and I'll keep battling on.
Thanks for reading my story.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hello Blue Sky,

Welcome to this forum. Thank you for sharing your story. I think that you have been incredibly honest, and I commend you for that. I'm glad that you are no longer drinking.

So, now that you've stopped using drinking as an outlet for these negative feelings and emotions, where will they go?

If turned inwards they will result in depression, self-hatred, etc.

How about sport? Would you try Martial Arts as a format for dealing with negative emotions?

I think getting a dog was a brilliant idea. Dogs can be amongst a man's most loyal companions and friends!

Are you in the UK? I wish you much happiness and success in finding a new job. I know that for me, personally, being unemployed really hurts my self-esteem and I feel like crap every day.

 

[Lost_N_Alone]

Blue Sky thanks for sharing your story and wlecome to the forums. I also suffered from bullying in my early years and it definitely had an impact on my behavior and actions later. I know the temptation to escape reality in the bottom of a bottle. Luckily you were able to stop that and hopefully you can resist the urge to go back.

You sound like you're realy to fight through your struggles. It's good that you aren't giving up. I know difficult it can be to find a job and much less one where you can get along with the co-workers. At least you are out of the situation you were in at the other job. Best of luck in the job search, just keep plugging away.

It's not corny to have a companion in a pet. I'm personally not a dog person, but I have a cat and look forward everyday to coming home and having her waiting for me. Pets can be better companions than some people.

 

[Blue Sky]

Hi, and thanks for the replies to my thread.
Yes giving up drinking was probably the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. It took over my life and made me very depressed and suicidal at times. When I look back on it now, I tried to cover up my loneliness by drinking. One negative that has happened to me since I stopped drinking is that I started to eat more and have put on A bit of weight. If it's not one thing it's another. I am starting to address that problem now, and recently started taking my dog for long walks everyday. But I find it hard being stuck at home everyday, I know that I shouldn't but I do watch alot of television and have an afternoon snooze everyday. That's why I want to get back into the workforce now. It would really help me fill in my days, and also help me socially. One hurdle that I have found at job interviews is that the employer always wants to know why I have been out of the workforce for so long. I find that I usually stumble around that question. I could tell them the truth but if I did, I most likeky wouldn't get the job.
Anyway, thanks again for the replies.

 

[lonelygirl]

Whoah. Hmm Blue Sky, if you're not above lying, I have an idea. Instead of telling them why you were not working (The truth is that were getting over alcohol?) You could say in hushed tones, "Someone in my family had a medical condition and I was helping them during a difficult period" (They don't need to know that that person was YOU!)

Seriously, it's none of their freaking business. I agree, not a good idea to tell them you were drinking and then getting off the drink. But if you hint that it was a family emergency or family crisis, they usually won't push further. Hopefully everyone is understanding. For example, if one of my relatives was ill, I woudl drop everything. For me, family is very important. And hopefully that person would just understand and let it go rather than poking further.

 

[Blue Sky]

Thanks for that Lonely Girl. I did look after my parents before they passed on, so I could use that idea in my interviews. It's just that on my resume, my employment history stops at 2004, and all of the employers always ask what have I been doing since then.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hey Blue Sky,

There you go. You're even telling the truth! In fact if you said straight up I was looking after my parents, they were ill before they passed away, then that person would probably have a lot of RESPECT for you being a dutiful son and caring so much for your relatives. Taking care of ill people, or senile people, etc IS a full-time job!

Hugs,

LG