I just don't know what to do anymore

[lonely89guy]

I'll get straight to the point. I've been feeling pretty lonely for the past 3 years now. Going to be 23 years old in like 5 months not getting any younger. Once I got my first job I was thinking that I would be making some new friends, But that hasn't been the case for the past 8 months now. I do however have one friend, But I didn't expect my one friend to be 36 years old. I have no problem with that at all a friend is a friend is what I say. We hit it off pretty well at our job talking about life and stuff. We usually go bowling twice a month on Friday nights which is a blast. However that has stopped for over a month now due to some health issues he has. When we did go bowling we would ask our employees if they would like to go with us and there answers are either yes an then later on they cancel by not showing up at the bowling alley or no. So.. we just quit asking them. Funny thing is they heard us talking about bowling then they jump in say I wanna go and we say sure. Then they blow us off -_- whatever. Anyway.. now I hardly see my friend anymore due to he is working in a different position in the store now. I only see him when I have to take stuff to the back or something an we can only take for a few seconds due to being busy. So my job has been pretty boring as of late without seeing my buddy as of late. I understand he can't do the same position forever we all have to move on in life to reach our goals. I seem to get along better with older people I guess. My sister says I'm very mature for my age which makes sense. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs nothing like that. I don't have anything against young people my age at all. I just can't seem to make friends with them. I basically have to lie at my job when people say how am I doing and I say great. In my heart I feel lonely and sad. When I'm not working all I do is lay around all day, go the gym if it's my day to do that, go the movies alone while I see other couples kissing and friends having a good time except me all alone. In my mind I'm crying my heart out saying is this going to be my life? I just want some friends is all. I treat others with respect, I have a good sense of humor, I take things on the easy side for the most part, I like to have fun and etc. I see gorgeous women at where I work everyday and none of them seem interested in me except the other employees that work there. In 4 months it will be a year since I have been working there. If things don't change think I'm gonna have to call it quits and find another job. I think a year was long enough to give it a shot. I'm just tired of going to work feeling crappy not having my friend with me hardly anymore and coming back home all alone not having much to do like I use to when I was younger having a good decent amount of friends. Things are just not changing the way I thought they were. If anybody can give me some suggestions it would mean a lot to me. Sorry the story is so long by the way. Okay thanks for reading hope everyone has a blessed day =)

 

[Tiina63]

Hi, could you go to visit your friend once a week or so at his home if his health issues prevent him from going out socially? This way, you would both be maintaining the contact and it would give you some confidence to be in one ongoing friendship. I wouldn't worry about the age gap-although 14 years seems a lot at 22, it really isn't that much of an issue. I have had a friend for 30 years who is 15 years older than me. At times the fact we are at different stages of life means we may see things a bit differently and have different priorities, but this really doesn't matter very much.
I think that it is important for you to keep this friendship-it becomes easier to make other friends when you already have one friend, as you won't come across as quite so needy. Sadly many people are put off by much neediness, which makes it harder for us lonely folk.

 

[Unwanted94]

I think neediness is a major turn off for most people. I try not to come off as needy though,and I think some of the best friendships are the ones were the ages are far apart. Age is just a number, but in today's society, there are so many pervs and double standards, that age isn't always *just* a number. There are boundaries, I'd say.

 

[LoneKiller]

Hi lonely89guy. I'm sorry to see that you are going through such a depressing situation right now. You might want to consider participating in activities outside of work such as sports, internet cafes, a gym perhaps.

Find some activities that you enjoy doing. If for example you like playing basketball or ball hockey, go to your local YMCA and get involved with the people there playing. There's always a lot of "Gym Rats" that play ball there.

Ask them if they need another player. If they do, start off by introducing yourself and shaking hands. One important thing to remember is they might seem cold towards you until they get to know you better. That's normal. If you suck at sports participate anyway.

When I was in high school, there was a regular group of guys who played ball there every day. I decided to play ball with them and was teased because I sucked. It does hurt, but I continued to play with them and eventually I got better at the game and they respected that.

Be friendly and don't try too hard to impress them. Be yourself. They can tell if you are trying to be someone you are not. If it doesn't work out, don't take it personally and become bitter. Anything worth doing takes time and patience.

Do this, stick with it, and I promise you that you will succeed.

 

[Felix]

You should try to see your friend outside work.

Some people don't like to do the same thing over and over, maybe the bowling got a bit repetitive? You could try to persuade him with some other activity like pool for example. Go to bars or clubs. Or something you both like.

 

[Okiedokes]

I agree with everyone, try to keep the friendship and maybe you and your friend can try things that are safe to do for him. I don't know what his health condition is but perhaps you could help him out with things that he isn't able to do when he's not feeling well. He would definitely appreciate that and see that you value his friendship a lot. You sound like a person who has a good head on his shoulders. I'm not sure if a job change will help but it could...anything is possible. Maybe you could make a smaller change and move to another department. There are other ways to meet people, and there are so many people who want what you want as well so you can know you are not completely alone. It's just trying to find the people who want what you do, is what you have to search for.

 

[davemchine]

Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. I wish there was an easy solution. I do think interacting with people makes me feel better but making friends is very difficult.