blue_azure
Well-known member
My life... well, I feel as though I have a heavy burden. I am just so tired from it all. I am the person whom people depend upon, they confide in me but I just cannot bring myself to confide in anyone.
Therefore, when I dated this guy after knowing him for a year, I really really thought he was the one. But after the first date he said I was too immature and really, I have no clue where have I gone wrong. He said it was the age gap of 7 years and though it seems like nothing for me, it must have not seemed so for him.
For that few moments I felt happy. I loved it when he held my hand and kissed me. It felt as though my wildest fantasies came true. Less than 12 hours later, he said we should just remain friends.
My emotions feel so used. It takes a lot for me to trust anyone in a romantic sense and when I do, I am stupidly committed and loyal even if I have never met the person before. Those few moments where I got to kiss and hug him was everything to me. It feels as though he robbed my happiness away.
I wish I could be more mature and just remain friends but I... just can't. So I have told him in an email that I don't want to have any future contact with him.
Really, I wish I could kill this hopeful feeling that I will be together with this person when I'm just dating him. I don't know what to react now. I am just emotionally tired of it all. The previous guy took me about 3 years to recover from and I have only seen him twice.
I wish I could stop crying now. My smiles are just too fake yet no one realises because I am a fantastic liar. Sometimes, I wish I could end it all and never exist in this world. So so tired. I know I am young but I feel so weary. Hope after hope to meet the one only for it to crash in your face.
What do you do when such things fail? I want to cry and sob out loud but I don't have much privacy. Anyway, I am just feeling emotionally drained. I just don't know what I should do.
Suicide always seemed like the best option, though not because of this guy but rather because of the world. My shoulders are heavy with the burdens I bear and my hope is that suicide will rid it. However, I have made a pact with myself to never commit suicide since the last attempt to cut myself just left me in shock as I saw my blood dripping.
So if you have read this far, I thank you.
Therefore, when I dated this guy after knowing him for a year, I really really thought he was the one. But after the first date he said I was too immature and really, I have no clue where have I gone wrong. He said it was the age gap of 7 years and though it seems like nothing for me, it must have not seemed so for him.
For that few moments I felt happy. I loved it when he held my hand and kissed me. It felt as though my wildest fantasies came true. Less than 12 hours later, he said we should just remain friends.
My emotions feel so used. It takes a lot for me to trust anyone in a romantic sense and when I do, I am stupidly committed and loyal even if I have never met the person before. Those few moments where I got to kiss and hug him was everything to me. It feels as though he robbed my happiness away.
I wish I could be more mature and just remain friends but I... just can't. So I have told him in an email that I don't want to have any future contact with him.
Really, I wish I could kill this hopeful feeling that I will be together with this person when I'm just dating him. I don't know what to react now. I am just emotionally tired of it all. The previous guy took me about 3 years to recover from and I have only seen him twice.
I wish I could stop crying now. My smiles are just too fake yet no one realises because I am a fantastic liar. Sometimes, I wish I could end it all and never exist in this world. So so tired. I know I am young but I feel so weary. Hope after hope to meet the one only for it to crash in your face.
What do you do when such things fail? I want to cry and sob out loud but I don't have much privacy. Anyway, I am just feeling emotionally drained. I just don't know what I should do.
Suicide always seemed like the best option, though not because of this guy but rather because of the world. My shoulders are heavy with the burdens I bear and my hope is that suicide will rid it. However, I have made a pact with myself to never commit suicide since the last attempt to cut myself just left me in shock as I saw my blood dripping.
So if you have read this far, I thank you.