I just one to be gone but don’t know how, I give up!

[user 190842]

In a relationship for over 8 years.. just over a week ago, fiancé won’t talk to me, all of a sudden. We went to see a doctor before that and get the results, about his heart valve… Aug 13 - just all of a sudden- he won’t talk. I don’t what to do. I don’t what are the reason of this frozen treatment. I just want to die.

 

[okidoke]

Welcome to the forum Lotus. Tough situation. If he's your fiancé, then I assume you've gotten pretty close, close enough for you to just go ahead and ask him what's going on and why he's shutting you out. Maybe he's scared. He needs to open up. But I will say, dying isn't the answer.

 

[user 190842]

I have tried to open up… but whenever I try to start to talk - he would immediately cut off. So no conversation at all. It’s been nearly 2 weeks. And I’m not used to it. Not sure if it is because of health or any other reason. I am like a ghost in the house

 

[okidoke]

You have to be more assertive. You have to tell him how his silence is making you feel. That's important. "Fiancé, the way you're shutting me out is really making me feel ..................................................". "Did I do something to deserve to be treated this way?" "If I mean anything to you, you will share what's happening with you?" "I love you and don't want to be in this pain." And so on and so forth. You must get him to talk. He needs to know what it's doing to you. If he loves you, he won't want to hurt you. If he doesn't care about you, doesn't care that he's hurting you, you can't be there anymore. It will do you no good until he shakes his head back into shape. And you MUST take care of yourself first. I have seen women suffer way too much because they keep making excuses and allowances for their partner's poor behaviour. Please don't become a statistic. Just tell him how he's making you feel. It's so important.

 

[user 190842]

I have done all those…
Reason why I don’t know what to do or feel next…

 

[okidoke]

He wouldn't answer you? He wouldn't acknowledge what he's doing to you? He needs a wake up call. Seriously. I think the next step is an ultimatum. You don't deserve that treatment. Tell him you don't, tell him you can't cope with it anymore. Do it safely. Don't put yourself in harm's way. If he won't come to the party, sorry, but my only advice is to tell him you'll be available to talk to for a little while, but not forever, and walk out the door.

 

[user 190842]

Thank you so much for listening and replies to me.. I appreciate it.
I can’t leave him just like that, especially he has a heart condition and I love the man.

 

[okidoke]

Hey, I had a serious heart attack in 2014. Was in critical care for days. If I was such a bumhole to my wife, I wouldn't blame her if she left. Anyway, you're not "just leaving him like that" because you've made it clear what he's doing to you and he doesn't care, or seems not to. This can only end badly if he doesn't realise his behaviour isn't appropriate. Sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love to make them realise their behaviour. You can't continue like that, so either be MORE assertive or keep suffering. Hopefully you can withstand the pain he's causing you. You are a person with feelings and emotions too and you don't deserve what he's putting you through. He should be made aware of what he's doing to you.

Oh, I see you're in Dubai. Is that correct? How do women get treated there generally?

 

[TheRealCallie]

If this all started right after he got the results, I would say it has something to do with that and likely has nothing to do with you. Maybe the results were bad and he needs time to process it. Maybe he's trying to push you away because the results were bad and he doesn't want to put your through that. Maybe he's scared and doesn't know how to deal with that. Give him time, let him process. If you've never had issues communicating in the past, he'll open up when he's ready. Just make sure he knows you're there for him when he's ready and try not to take it personally. Maybe start a new hobby in the meantime to take your mind off it?

 

[user 190842]

Hey, I had a serious heart attack in 2014. Was in critical care for days. If I was such a bumhole to my wife, I wouldn't blame her if she left. Anyway, you're not "just leaving him like that" because you've made it clear what he's doing to you and he doesn't care, or seems not to. This can only end badly if he doesn't realise his behaviour isn't appropriate. Sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love to make them realise their behaviour. You can't continue like that, so either be MORE assertive or keep suffering. Hopefully you can withstand the pain he's causing you. You are a person with feelings and emotions too and you don't deserve what he's putting you through. He should be made aware of what he's doing to you.

Oh, I see you're in Dubai. Is that correct? How do women get treated there generally?

It can be very depressing as he is a happy person, jolly, always smile and laugh - and now is the exact opposite.

I hope your health is in a stable condition now.


Dubai is a safe place… Women are treated well and can actually do and wear modern clothes (depending on the nationality and religion of course)

 

[user 190842]

If this all started right after he got the results, I would say it has something to do with that and likely has nothing to do with you. Maybe the results were bad and he needs time to process it. Maybe he's trying to push you away because the results were bad and he doesn't want to put your through that. Maybe he's scared and doesn't know how to deal with that. Give him time, let him process. If you've never had issues communicating in the past, he'll open up when he's ready. Just make sure he knows you're there for him when he's ready and try not to take it personally. Maybe start a new hobby in the meantime to take your mind off it?

Aug 5, we went for his test. When I saw the result he received it on Aug 8. He discussed it to me Aug 12 evening. Then Sunday morning after when he meet his friends for coffee - the silence has started.

We were assured by his doctor that it is under control and he even speak to him again to ask for a full explanation, which I didn’t know what it is because I was shut down. After few days, he would only reply a word or nothing whenever I ask him about the usual stuff at home. And when I try to talk to him about the whats and whys - I get no answer and completely ignored

 

[okidoke]

I wish you luck. Like @TheRealCallie said, maybe it's temporary because he's afraid, so perhaps you could just occupy yourself elsewhere and see what happens.

 

[user 190842]

Thank you so much… I am trying to get busy with my work. Also it is difficult for me - as I cannot tell this to our common friends.
My heart feels so heavy.

 

[okidoke]

Maybe leave him a note letting him know that you're available to talk, that you love him and care for him, but will give him space that he needs while you try to keep well yourself. That way he won't think you're ignoring or forgetting him. I dunno. Just giving you ideas.

 

[user 190842]

Thank you
I might do this instead…

 

[okidoke]

Thank you
I might do this instead…

keep us posted.

 

[user 190842]

keep us posted.

I will do
Many thanks