I Know What I Have to do

[Jesse]

I need to stop thinking the way I do. Being an introvert, I spend way too much time in my head. This causes me to think stupid thoughts.

Example: I've slept alone for nearly 2 years. In other words I don't get any. I'm a person as much as anyone else so I have desires and needs just the same, but since these desires and needs aren't being met I overthink the situation quite a bit in my head. I've thought to myself, ok, so what's the purpose of sex? Children. But if it's just for children, then why does it feel good? Why do people kiss? Why do they touch each other? I answer with, because it has to feel good so we'll want to do it. It's for the continuation of our race. I tell myself I don't want kids so I don't need sex. Basically I rationalize to make myself feel better. Well this needs to stop. I tell myself love is only a delusion to get us to procreate. I don't need love. This needs to stop. Although some of this stuff might be true, the additional truth is that I long for these things. Of course not just the physical stuff, but you get my point.

Now; I ask myself, why do I have so many difficulties finding love, finding a companion? I'm sure anyone else who has trouble asks the same question. I've had several answers for many years.

False Answer: I'm ugly. I'm fat. Women are disgusted by me. YADA YADA YADA YODA AND YOGURT. It's bullcrap. Although it's natural to feel this way I know it's not true. I need to quit telling myself these things because it's not helping my problem. I do believe now that I'm not ugly. I may be overweight, but there are plenty of women who like men with my build. The only reason I need to lose weight is to build my confidence- and I'm working on that too.

So what could be the real answer? Well I am shy, an introvert. Because of things that happened to me growing up it was practically inevitable for me to become this way, but that doesn't mean I can't change. Once I get to my ideal body weight, I'll have the confidence I need to approach people and by meeting people, my chances will go up.

But it's not just enough to meet people. I need to be attractive. This includes many things. Nobody should ever change who they are as a person. You are you, be you. BUT. If you're a slob, it's unattractive. So there are things you should change and things you shouldn't. If you're a geek like I am (if you havn't been able to tell yet from my avatar and signature) who loves epic fantasy novels about Minotaurs, don't try to act like you're not. If you can't stand hip hop music, don't pretend you do to try to impress someone. BUT. If you only shower twice a week..need I say more?

All of that being said, I do shower every day So there are certain things you should change. We have a new person at work. I havn't been able to introduce myself to her because I'm shy and nervous. Even though I know she's pregnant and has two kids already and a boyfriend, it doesn't matter. She's a stranger, a person I don't know. Approaching her just to introduce myself is scary. But today I overcame my fear and went up to her. For anyone else who has trouble doing this, I've found what helps me is just being completely up front with people by telling them I'm a shy person. When I intro'd myself to her, I told her I was sorry for taking so long to introduce myself, but that I'm a very shy person and once I get to know her better It'll be easier for me to talk.

Sorry for the length of this post, but I hope it helps someone out there. Now let me move on to Jesse's Battle Plan.

Battle Plan
----------
1. Lose weight to give me the confidence I need to be around people with less nervousness.
2. Get my ass in school.
--I live with my aunt and uncle. To increase my desirability I need my own place. It's the simple truth. I don't want to take anyone back to my aunt and uncle's. To get my own place I'll need a better paying job and the only way to do this is by going back to school. There are plenty of other reasons I need to go back to school. It's a win/win.
3. Focus on 1 and 2 and worry about women later. I simply don't have the attention span to be able to focus on schooling and a relationship at the same time. Sure, I can remain friends with people, but I need to realize priorities. I feel that once schooling is complete and I establish myself, I can focus on dating.

Wish me luck

 

[samba101]

You've made good points, we all need goals in life. It's natural to think and we all think differently.

 

[Jesse]

Yes and I'm learning to not think so negatively.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yogurt and minotaurs. You have my attention.




How you doin'?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

cOOL...Jesse..

There's plenty of options man...
You can always get a sugar mama

 

[Jesse]

Yogurt and minotaurs. You have my attention.




How you doin'?

I am superlative Yogurt is delicious; do you like milk and cookies?

cOOL...Jesse..

There's plenty of options man...
You can always get a sugar mama

But if she's got money, why would she need a man?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yogurt and minotaurs. You have my attention.




How you doin'?

I am superlative Yogurt is delicious; do you like milk and cookies?

cOOL...Jesse..

There's plenty of options man...
You can always get a sugar mama

But if she's got money, why would she need a man?

How the F would I know? I'm not a sugar mama....
Because a man can make her sing like money can't, IDk.

Ask Nilla, she probably knows...

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yogurt and minotaurs. You have my attention.




How you doin'?

I am superlative Yogurt is delicious; do you like milk and cookies?

cOOL...Jesse..

There's plenty of options man...
You can always get a sugar mama

But if she's got money, why would she need a man?

You know it. I lurv milk and cookies.

And yes, Rocket, I do know. It's because we get guys like you, who we kick out the house, knowing he probably more likely than not won't have a vehicle, or even a bike, to really gtfo our property, so you have to come back in anyway, and you just do what we say. :>

 

[Jesse]

You know it. I lurv milk and cookies.

Me too! Chocolate cookies, cookies n creme, vanilla cookies, vanilla creme cookies. mmm cookies.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You know it. I lurv milk and cookies.

And yes, Rocket, I do know. It's because we get guys like you, who we kick out the house, knowing he probably more likely than not won't have a vehicle, or even a bike, to really gtfo our property, so you have to come back in anyway, and you just do what we say. :>

Err..wtf ???
I say...sugar mama not a wife. It's call the doghouse...honey.

Sugar mama not meanie like a wife. Sugar mamas lets you do
whatever. She lets you got out with other girls and bring them
home too..that Y she be de Sugar...Sweet as can be.
She loves you unconditionally no matter what.
She give you cookies too..

 

[VanillaCreme]

I never said anything about marriage, sweets. And if you wish to build a doghouse for yourself, go right ahead.


Mmmmmm vanilla cookies.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Battle Plan
----------
1. Lose weight to give me the confidence I need to be around people with less nervousness.
2. Get my ass in school.
--I live with my aunt and uncle. To increase my desirability I need my own place. It's the simple truth. I don't want to take anyone back to my aunt and uncle's. To get my own place I'll need a better paying job and the only way to do this is by going back to school. There are plenty of other reasons I need to go back to school. It's a win/win.
3. Focus on 1 and 2 and worry about women later. I simply don't have the attention span to be able to focus on schooling and a relationship at the same time. Sure, I can remain friends with people, but I need to realize priorities. I feel that once schooling is complete and I establish myself, I can focus on dating.

Wish me luck

Good luck.

Number three is especially a good start. Even though I'm annoyed by the onslaught of "get right with yourself first" advice that's inevitably thrown our way, there's a good bit of merit to it. Our sense of self-esteem has a powerful effect on how others see us.

Ironically, I've been probably the most attractive right when I'm in the beginning of a relationship because I feel loved. I don't actually look any different, but the way I feel about myself MAKES me more attractive. Taking that feeling and carrying it over to the lulls in my life is what I need to do.

So, accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are has got to be a great thing.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Errr...here's my bike and car...I don't need a sugar mama

Here's my Dog...maybe I'll build a dog house for her.

Here's me ...I be smexy..My skin is bronze and I taste like honey

You already seen my Evil woman...

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

sweet looking dog! (er..the one with the blue eyes to avoid any potential confusion)

Rock the Kazbah Jesse!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Aww your dog looks like you. How cute is that...

 

[Divinitywolf]

Blues eyes...I love blue eyes...

 

[Jesse]

Here's an update!

I've decided the next step in my life is to get ahead of my finances. I currently pay all of my bills at the end of the month. I loaned a friend 300$ over a year ago and they're now paying me back. I'm going to use this money along with my extra paycheck in October (I get paid three times in October instead of only twice!!) and get to where I'll be paying my bills at the beginning of the month. I'm going to be very mindful with my money and put myself on a budget. I'll be paying extra on the principal of my car loan every month while also trying to save a little money on the side. Getting my finances in order will eliminate a lot of stress! I'm not in debt- I get my bills paid every month; it's just that it's at the end of the month and I'll feel a lot less pressure once I change this around.

 

[BlackCat]

What will you be studying in school?

Are you going to a gym or something? My results at my gym I just joined have been amazing. I sort of let myself go over the summer.. so I need to get back in shape and lose some weight. In my first 2 weeks I've been going I have lost 5 pounds and I have noticeably gotten bigger musclewise.

Talk to as many people as you possibly can. In the gym if you get on a treadmill and someone is next to you, say hi to them. Start conversation. Ask how long they've been going to the gym, etc etc. In a class, try to sit next to another person that looks like an introvert. Talk to them, ask about their major, what classes they are taking, their favorite things in school so far, all of those school related things. Then talk about yourself in that same manner and a conversation should spark.

But good luck... hell you don't need it you can do it if you keep persisting toward your goals.

 

[Jesse]

What will you be studying in school?

Are you going to a gym or something? My results at my gym I just joined have been amazing. I sort of let myself go over the summer.. so I need to get back in shape and lose some weight. In my first 2 weeks I've been going I have lost 5 pounds and I have noticeably gotten bigger musclewise.

But good luck...

I'll be studying Health Information Technology to get an RHIT degree (2 years).

No I havn't been going to a gym, I'm just dieting and well it is tough, but I hate gyms. Good job! Thanks for luck

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Every time I see the title of this thread....I think to myself.
I know what I have to do to ..but I don't ever do it.
aghhh...I think I'm getting a depression attack