I need some advice...

[VictoryNotVengeance]

Hey everyone,

I know I haven't posted in a while since I joined, but I am having trouble figuring this out. I could really use some advice...

I just started talking to this girl. We started talking on the phone last night. We talked for five hours about anything and everything and today we went and hung out all day. We seem to have a lot in common. It was honestly the funnest and most real date I've ever been on. I guess you could say I've somewhat taken a liking to her because of just how well I think we connected.

On the phone, she seemed really self-conscious about a lot of things (mostly about her body), but it seemed she really liked me. While we were on the date, she was somewhat shy at first, but then she opened up and we talked and talked. We joked around, laughed, held hands, and lightly flirted with each other. We went to Denny's for breakfast, then went to the mall and each bought a T-shirt, then we had a few drinks at a local bar. We had a kiss after that, then went to a coffee shop.

While we were in the coffee shop, we started talking and this is where my problem comes in. She tells me that she feels I want a little more then she does. She mentioned that she wanted to keep her options open and date other people at the same time as dating me. Kind of get to know whoever, date around and then pick the best person (that's kinda what I got out of it, anyway). She told me I could go out and talk to whomever, but that's not my style. I stick to one person at a time.

I understand this is called "casual dating", but what I'm most concerned about is what if I end up hanging out with her a bunch of times, end up liking her a lot and then end up getting friend-zoned because she likes some other dude? It seems she wants more then friendship with me just with some of the things she said to me while on the phone and how she was flirting with me, also the fact she kissed me three times. She said a few times she didn't want to lead me on or hurt me.

I really liked hanging out with her and I found her really fun to be with.

Should I back away so I don't get hurt or just kind of stick it out but just stay casual? Not let her kiss me anymore, don't hold hands, slow down the flirting? What if she finds someone else and all that and decides to ditch me anyway because I stopped?

 

[Masson]

If you like her and she seems to like you go for it , theres no reason not to try. Be less emotionally involved but keep doing everything you do now ( if your problem is fear of getting rejected ) , dont go casual she could probably think your not into her that much and pick someone else because of that.

 

[Tiina63]

It's a hard situation, because if you back away, you might be wondering for ages what could have happened between you, but on the other hand you are naturally afraid of becoming involved with her,and then getting hurt if she picks someone else. She is giving you very mixed messages. On one hand she is flirting with you, kissing you, spending time with you, talking about anything and everything with you, being relaxed with you, but on the other hand she is saying that she wants to keep her options open. I would personally find this very hard to cope with. It depends on how emotionally attached you are to her. If you can keep it fairly light until she makes up her mind, then stick around. Otherwise, think very, very carefully if you can handle the uncertainty of the situation.

 

[jales]

Dont back away, at least she has been honest with you. You just need to be honest with her in return. If you feel yourself falling for her tell her. When you know you would get jealous of her dating around say so. Hope things work out.

 

[passage]

She wants friends with benefits.