I need to get this off my chest

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I have been trying really hard to post this since yesterday but for some reason, I type it out, delete it, type it out, delete it. So I've typed this post about 5 different times before finally gathering the courage to hit "Post Thread".

I had some friends in school and I try really hard to stay away from them. But once in a while, I just can't resist the temptation and end up visiting their facebook profiles, just to check out what's happening (pictures tell a lot about people), where they are at in their lives, etc.

This is about this one particular friend. He was one of my best friends (I practically considered him a brother) and one of my strongest rivals. Competing with him and bettering over him was one of my strongest motivations back then.

Long story short, I failed miserably and I bailed like a coward, letting him win. He was still a good friend but he would turn a little obnoxious and condescending at times (immaturity, maybe?).

After much "No I shouldn't do this" and "Remember how shitty you felt when you last did this", I visited his profile yesterday. Everything has turned out so amazing for him. He now has a job, has a beautiful-loving girlfriend, has an awesome group of friends, looks great and everything!

While I'm happy for him and for the fact that his life turned out so great, thinking at the stage that I'm in right now, it makes me sick right down to my stomach. I mean, last night I couldn't even eat properly. Yes, I'm a little jealous but jealously is only a little part of what I'm feeling right now.

I just wanted to share this and get it off my chest because you guys are the only ones in this whole world I can talk to (I know I sound cold, cruel and distant at times but this is my way of "throwing" a compliment). Thanks for listening. Thoughts?

 

[Edward W]

Understandable, he has everything you wish you had, only natural you feel a little jealous, and if he put you down you are probably a little angry inside that someone who also treated you so, ends up doing so well.

However just remember people will usually post the best stuff on Facebook etc, things behind the scenes may not be so great.

If anything I say use this a motivation. If someone like him can achieve that, so can you. Let it drive you, not consume you.

Good luck.

 

[murmi97]

What Edward said. People totally "crop out the sadness." (Sad meaning pathetic as well as unhappy.) I just love Portlandia - it is so insightful.

 

[Peaches]

completely agree, facebook is a total lie, you see the pictures, but you never, NEVER know what is behind that. Also, I understand that while growing up together competition comes naturally and is a good thing, but in general you cannot compare what happens to other people and what happens to yourself, there are so many variables, strokes of good or bad luck, and who knows, maybe in three years he will be looking at your profile and feel jealous..

anyway, what you have to do do it for yourself, not for any friends from school that you say yourself you try to stay away from.

 

[duff]

I remember feeling like this when I first had a look on friendsreunited about 10 years ago. All the people I went to school with 20 years ago were there. They all had great lives, fantastic jobs, wives, kids etc. It made me feel unhappy, feel I had achieved nothing with my life. I know people bullshit a bit but I felt down for a long time.

I would advise not to visit your friends profile again and try and forget about it. Try and cheer yourself up by doing things you enjoy !

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

completely agree, facebook is a total lie, you see the pictures, but you never, NEVER know what is behind that. Also, I understand that while growing up together competition comes naturally and is a good thing, but in general you cannot compare what happens to other people and what happens to yourself, there are so many variables, strokes of good or bad luck, and who knows, maybe in three years he will be looking at your profile and feel jealous..

anyway, what you have to do do it for yourself, not for any friends from school that you say yourself you try to stay away from.

I know that everything wouldn't have been good for him and I shouldn't be comparing myself to what he's put up for the rest of the world to see. Thanks to ALL and from what I've learnt here, one of the first things I said to myself was one of the quotes that a member posted on another thread of mine "Don't compare your inside to others' outside".

But it just breaks me to see that he has at least something good going for him and managed to stay on course with his life while mine has gone haywire. I haven't achieved anything substantial and if I were asked one good thing about my life right now, I'd go "Umm...".

I remember feeling like this when I first had a look on friendsreunited about 10 years ago. All the people I went to school with 20 years ago were there. They all had great lives, fantastic jobs, wives, kids etc. It made me feel unhappy, feel I had achieved nothing with my life. I know people bullshit a bit but I felt down for a long time.

I would advise not to visit your friends profile again and try and forget about it. Try and cheer yourself up by doing things you enjoy !

I realize that things have changed a lot and those childhood competitions don't really matter anymore. But in life, even if I'm not comparing myself to him, shouldn't I have been somewhere?

So should I drop a towel and accept defeat?

 

[duff]

completely agree, facebook is a total lie, you see the pictures, but you never, NEVER know what is behind that. Also, I understand that while growing up together competition comes naturally and is a good thing, but in general you cannot compare what happens to other people and what happens to yourself, there are so many variables, strokes of good or bad luck, and who knows, maybe in three years he will be looking at your profile and feel jealous..

anyway, what you have to do do it for yourself, not for any friends from school that you say yourself you try to stay away from.

I know that everything wouldn't have been good for him and I shouldn't be comparing myself to what he's put up for the rest of the world to see. Thanks to ALL and from what I've learnt here, one of the first things I said to myself was one of the quotes that a member posted on another thread of mine "Don't compare your inside to others' outside".

But it just breaks me to see that he has at least something good going for him and managed to stay on course with his life while mine has gone haywire. I haven't achieved anything substantial and if I were asked one good thing about my life right now, I'd go "Umm...".

I remember feeling like this when I first had a look on friendsreunited about 10 years ago. All the people I went to school with 20 years ago were there. They all had great lives, fantastic jobs, wives, kids etc. It made me feel unhappy, feel I had achieved nothing with my life. I know people bullshit a bit but I felt down for a long time.

I would advise not to visit your friends profile again and try and forget about it. Try and cheer yourself up by doing things you enjoy !

I realize that things have changed a lot and those childhood competitions don't really matter anymore. But in life, even if I'm not comparing myself to him, shouldn't I have been somewhere?

So should I drop a towel and accept defeat?

is there anything stopping you going 'somewhere' ?

if not, why don't you ?

 

[Runciter]

Facebook is clearly not a good thing for you. I was in the same position and a couple of years ago I changed the way I used it. I deleted everything from my profile, trimmed my friends list and stopped commenting on other peoples posts. My Facebook account is completely blank and I only really use it for the PM functions.

Its funny but since then I've noticed that I get a lot more messages from old friends and a lot less messages from people who I thought were friends.

I now only check Facebook once a week or so instead of a few times a day and it has helped to reduce my stress a lot.

 

[UGLYDUCKLING]

You don't know what's going on BEHIND the scenes right? I mean there could be a lot going on...And you should try to be less jealous and you can still do something,work yourself up and get to the standard where you could be happy with yourself...Feeling jealous won't do any good to you.In fact,it'l just be destructive...You haven't exactly lost until you die... He may be in the lead but you still have a very good chance I believe.Try processing that negative energy into motivation maybe?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Don't compare yourself to others. I've learned that early on. It only makes you miserable.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I remember I was friends with someone when I was younger, and I always compared them to me. In the end I just felt like an awful person and wondered why my friend was even friends with me to begin with.

As for face-book, never believe everything you see on there. People may post up wonderful pictures and you'll see so many comments from other people. In the end I got jealous and than I felt like an ugly person afterwards. In the end I just started paying attention to things that mattered to me more.

Face-book doesn't really matter anyhow, but that's my opinion.

Just concentrate on you. And try to achieve you're own goals. You'll be surprised what you'll accomplish! =)

 

[Ignis]

Understandable, he has everything you wish you had, only natural you feel a little jealous, and if he put you down you are probably a little angry inside that someone who also treated you so, ends up doing so well.

However just remember people will usually post the best stuff on Facebook etc, things behind the scenes may not be so great.

If anything I say use this a motivation. If someone like him can achieve that, so can you. Let it drive you, not consume you.

Good luck.

This. This. So much this.

Anything he can do, you can do better. Might take a bit of rallying to get you to that point, but you can definitely do it.

Also, you should never be jealous with how someone has lived their life, nor should you ever be discontent with how you've lived yours. There is no wrong way to live life, only a right way.
Everything you've done up until now has been the right way. Everything you've done up until now is either an accomplishment, or a learning experience. Both enrich you as a person.

 

[Cerebralis]

Wanna be friends?

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Understandable, he has everything you wish you had, only natural you feel a little jealous, and if he put you down you are probably a little angry inside that someone who also treated you so, ends up doing so well.

However just remember people will usually post the best stuff on Facebook etc, things behind the scenes may not be so great.

If anything I say use this a motivation. If someone like him can achieve that, so can you. Let it drive you, not consume you.

Good luck.

This. This. So much this.

Anything he can do, you can do better. Might take a bit of rallying to get you to that point, but you can definitely do it.

Also, you should never be jealous with how someone has lived their life, nor should you ever be discontent with how you've lived yours. There is no wrong way to live life, only a right way.
Everything you've done up until now has been the right way. Everything you've done up until now is either an accomplishment, or a learning experience. Both enrich you as a person.

All of this advice is great and when I read through this, I feel like "yes, this is what I should be doing to solve the problem". But in a practical scenario, I usually need a quick-fix to the problem, if you will, to put my mind to ease. I tried everything, believe me. I tried telling my mind that people grow at their own pace; every dog has its day and I'll do too; and everything in the book but it doesn't help how miserable I feel when the picture of his comes to mind.

I try not to think about him and other friends but somehow, my mind wanders and fixates on it. Like last night, when I tried to sleep, the one thing that I told my myself was not to think about him but the first thing that did come to mind was his picture that I saw with his girlfriend. Now, I tried getting it out of my mind and after about 3 hours (we're talking about 4 am in the morning) when I felt like I had finally gotten rid of it, my mind circled back to it. It took another hour or so to finally relax myself.

I think why it's bothering me so much is because he has that one thing that I need the most right now - the companionship of a loving, understanding, accepting, person.

 

[blackdot]

Facebook is not a place for people who were left out in the cold in real life.

I am sometimes tempted to go there and look up people but I refuse to. I have created a filter on my computer that even if I try to access Facebook, it will autoblock me from accessing the website.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Just adding what's on my mind right now because, again, I feel like I need to get this off my chest...

I think it is more depressing for me because at this point in my life, I wasn't expecting things for me to be this messed up. I mean for someone who has suffered all of childhood, I feel like I deserved a better life right now (please don't say "life's unfair"! please! please! please!) or even a normal life but not a bad life.

I remember seeing this other guy (again, on Facebook) and he was so gullible in school (I was better in school than he was). Me and a couple of other guys used to bully him (in a friendly, non-hurting way though) and I saw this picture of him with his girlfriend. Believe me, when I saw her, my eyeballs popped out of my head, my jaw dropped through the floor and I was this close to having a breakdown!

The guy hasn't changed a lot (he just dresses better now, by the looks of it) and his girlfriend was drop-dead gorgeous and the funny part was, not for once did I feel like a guy like that couldn't get a girl like her.

So if people who were nothing before can be at such an amazing place right now, why can't I be?

 

[Locke]

Just adding what's on my mind right now because, again, I feel like I need to get this off my chest...

I think it is more depressing for me because at this point in my life, I wasn't expecting things for me to be this messed up. I mean for someone who has suffered all of childhood, I feel like I deserved a better life right now (please don't say "life's unfair"! please! please! please!) or even a normal life but not a bad life.

I remember seeing this other guy (again, on Facebook) and he was so gullible in school (I was better in school than he was). Me and a couple of other guys used to bully him (in a friendly, non-hurting way though) and I saw this picture of him with his girlfriend. Believe me, when I saw her, my eyeballs popped out of my head, my jaw dropped through the floor and I was this close to having a breakdown!

The guy hasn't changed a lot (he just dresses better now, by the looks of it) and his girlfriend was drop-dead gorgeous and the funny part was, not for once did I feel like a guy like that couldn't get a girl like her.

So if people who were nothing before can be at such an amazing place right now, why can't I be?

I know how you feel. My brother has everything that I almost had: A wife, kids, good job, friends......I ask myself every day why those things were taken from me, when I worked twice as hard as he did. Instead of getting the life I wanted, I suffered.

You just have to keep fighting for the life you want, and ignore what other people have. What else can you do? If you obsess over it and get depressed, it just makes it that much harder.

How do you bully someone in a friendly way? He didn't mind getting picked on?

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

How do you bully someone in a friendly way? He didn't mind getting picked on?

It wasn't "bullying" as such but friendly name-calling. In middle school every kid has a nasty name given to him (I had a couple too) and that guy had one that he didn't really like. So it kinda cancels out (We'd call him a name and he'd call us so it's equal in a way).